Bottoming: is it for everyone?

[East]

I am not sure what I am. I have been exclusively a top now for 30 years....and before that...I was both...depending on the guy. In the relationship prior to this one..I was exclusively a bottom with the guy I was with....

I have enjoyed both of these roles....but I have never been "versatile" with the same guy though on a few occasions I went through the motions...but I wasn't feeling it.

So...I guess I am not versatile with the same guy...but I am versatile depending on the guy I am with....

I like hardcore fucking and I can either be dominant...or submissive...top or bottom...in nature (no costumes or dressing up for me..gotta be natural). I like a guy who wants to own it (not own me...big difference)...it takes awhile to get there....but I will completely submit it he does it right...

[BPCT]

I've always felt like a bottom far as I can tell. I tried topping at my partner's insistence but it felt... backwards I guess. I actually went soft while trying to penetrate him cuz it felt so off. Plus I'm far more equipped to be a bottom anyhow

[Pyromancer]

I am not sure what I am. I have been exclusively a top now for 30 years....and before that...I was both...depending on the guy. In the relationship prior to this one..I was exclusively a bottom with the guy I was with....

I have enjoyed both of these roles....but I have never been "versatile" with the same guy though on a few occasions I went through the motions...but I wasn't feeling it.

So...I guess I am not versatile with the same guy...but I am versatile depending on the guy I am with....I like hardcore fucking and I can either be dominant...or submissive...top or bottom...in nature (no costumes or dressing up for me..gotta be natural). I like a guy who wants to own it (not own me...big difference)...it takes awhile to get there....but I will completely submit it he does it right...

Interesting that you say this...my bf and I are exploring being versatile (his request) and honestly? I still don't feel comfortable topping him. With my ex, I was exclusively a top and loved it, but with Kev...I just feel a strong need to be sexually submissive. He had never bottomed before and wants to experience it, so of course I won't say no...I've told him how I feel and we're working it out...but isn't it interesting how our needs differ with different partners?

[East]

Interesting that you say this...my bf and I are exploring being versatile (his request) and honestly? I still don't feel comfortable topping him. With my ex, I was exclusively a top and loved it, but with Kev...I just feel a strong need to be sexually submissive. He had never bottomed before and wants to experience it, so of course I won't say no...I've told him how I feel and we're working it out...but isn't it interesting how our needs differ with different partners?

Yeah...I never really figured that one out...but I have a few theories.....

I think it might be a primal thing...maybe even instinctive...and for me to submit to someone...they just have to have the right chemistry...and confidence.....

...and as a bottom...it has been primal...and lustful...but I haven't ever been in love with the top...I have been in love (and am in love) with the bottom....

Funny thing though with dominant/submissive relationships...the submissive actually becomes the dominant one in so many aspects ...in and out of the bedroom ...and pretty much calls the shots. I don't think many people really "get that"......and I am not sure why but I THINK that has something to do with the "one or the other" versatility with different men....

[Beaux]

Yeah...I never really figured that one out...but I have a few theories.....

I think it might be a primal thing...maybe even instinctive...and for me to submit to someone...they just have to have the right chemistry...and confidence.....

...and as a bottom...it has been primal...and lustful...but I haven't ever been in love with the top...I have been in love (and am in love) with the bottom....

Funny thing though with dominant/submissive relationships...the submissive actually becomes the dominant one in so many aspects ...in and out of the bedroom ...and pretty much calls the shots. I don't think many people really "get that"......and I am not sure why but I THINK that has something to do with the "one or the other" versatility with different men....

LOL I can certainly identify with what your saying! Except for with my husband, I have generally leaned towards topping, however, ever since Carl and I have been together I have always gravitated towards bottoming in our relationship. HOWEVER, as the years roll by, I have become more and more dominate in other facets of our relationship. I control the money and have the final say in all of our financial matters. When it comes to decisions regarding almost every aspect of our lives, Carl looks to me to make the decisions. No one, not even my husband, questions who "wears the pants" in our relationship.

~Beaux

[East]

LOL I can certainly identify with what your saying! Except for with my husband, I have generally leaned towards topping, however, ever since Carl and I have been together I have always gravitated towards bottoming in our relationship. HOWEVER, as the years roll by, I have become more and more dominate in other facets of our relationship. I control the money and have the final say in all of our financial matters. When it comes to decisions regarding almost every aspect of our lives, Carl looks to me to make the decisions. No one, not even my husband, questions who "wears the pants" in our relationship.

~Beaux

Yeah...it is actually kinda fascinating to me how I let Dave take control of so much...it is a first for me....

Now that you mention that...I think maybe "balance" might be part of the equation....

[kjames]

Hi guys and gals,

I guess this is a common issue among some people, but it really starts frustrating me.
I've been top for most of my life until I got together with(now my ex) boyfriend. We were both tops and we enjoyed our time for almost a year and we were REALLY sexually fulfilled and satisfied even without anal sex.

However, we decided to take it the next level last summer and tried to do anal.
We've done it several times and for me as a bottom it felt strange, like something's not in the right place, I didn't feel comfortable at the beginning. Pain was immense at the beginning of every sex, but it would later fade away till it get OK. Nothing more. Just ok.

As time passed by I grew to feel more comfortable with it and now I really like the idea of being a bottom. Last time we had sex I didn't even feel pain at all. I am not tight, never been, but even with the absence of pain I couldn't quite figure out what's all the fuss about. Most gay guys I know are bottoms. Or versatile. *versatile yeah okay*

So I'm wondering: Is it possible that I don't have a , hm, predisposition for that role? Is it possible that some people are meant to be tops or bottoms only? I mean this in physical way.

The last few times I had sex with him was good, but only the idea of him fucking me, you know. It was KIND OF nice having a dick in my behind, but I didn't really feel any tingling sensation, pleasurable pain nor did I feel that my prostate was being massaged.

I don't wanna be an asshole and say he didn't do it right or that it was the matter of size, but I really feel as if I'm missing out a huge part of it.


SO SORRY FOR THE LONG POST. Here's a cat!

Just curious. Were you the first to try it on the bottom and did you get the opportunity to be on top with him? If so, how did that go?

[erectrician4u]

well maybe i can feel comfy chiming in when i first realized that guys as well as girls was my menu preference i always used a dildo to get me accustomed to being penetrated and after a few months had gotten used to the feel of something going in through the out door for years with the men that i was with loved being topped but they too also loved being topped so we would swap positions several times which actually made us last a lot longer than normal and we both got what we wanted as i got older and more comfy with my menu options i started being more of a top mostly because of cleanliness reasons and not being able to take care of business as often as i like and cleanliness is next to godliness so i enjoy a shower together butr i am not interested in cleaning out after or before a shower anticipating sex and the fact that my bf prefers me to top him all the time as i have dildoes and we have seperate places to live i just use a dildo to take care of my needs and dont miss being topped and my boyfriend takes care of me and tells me that he doesnt know how i ever bottomed for anyone cause he thinks im such a good top and he is such a good bottom

[kindy64]

For me, (and let me preface this by saying that it's NOT the case for everyone, by any means) topping and bottoming have a very close correlation with dominance and submission. In fact, it's extremely hard for me to not feel that way during sex. If I'm on bottom, there's a damn good chance I'm the submissive party in the encounter.... if I'm on top, I guarantee I'm the aggressor in the encounter.

This was the case prior to Gideon, but in being in a D/s relationship with Gid, it's only reinforced what I always felt to be the case.

So for me, your question is like asking.... "Is being aggressive/dominant for everyone?" or "Is being submissive for everyone?" And the answer is, HELL NO. It isn't. But you'll never know for sure if something like that will be for you until you try it. Now you've tried it, and you know that it's not. Nothing wrong with that.

That's the great thing about people, adaptability

My first time with anal sex just a week or so ago, I wasn't submissive, but I definitely wasn't the one in control, nor was he trying to be dominant. He knew what he wanted, and expressed it very well. Later when I knew what I wanted I just went for it.

First time I've been with someone, male or female, equally as giving/taking as I try to be, and want.

[kindy64]

Well... my sexual experience is really limited but let me say that I'm a versatile... If I'm with someone i care for, then it doesn't really matter if I'm a top or a bottom as it totally depends on the moment.
but if it was a one night stand, then most probably I will bottom as i feel disconnected when I'm with random guys (I guess thats mostly coz I'm a relationship oriented guy)

I'm the same with guys I want a relationship with, I go with whatever feels right at the time. And it could be both in one evening. The guy who I first topped with I had offered him my butt when his new "boyfriend" was passed out drunk next to me...

Hookups, I've always been on the receiving end of good deep blow jobs. Not that I didn't want to reciprocate, but guys wanted to serve me, and leave. Out of 10 guys I've been with only 4 have been reciprocal.

Also have had tremendous anxiety with potential boyfriends, to the point it can effect my performance, but I'm new with guys as well. Hookups, except for one time when I was literally exhausted from 2 all nighters for work, I've never had an issue.