In Shock

[East]

I feel like I just got hit with a stun gun...and I also feel very foolish....

I had to do a business facebook page (reluctantly)...and I had been on there once a long time ago for a very short while.....

..and so I was looking at some pics a few hours ago of my friends that are still alive and I am stunned how old we all got...I haven't seen most of them in almost 20 years or more...

I don't know what I was expecting....I was thinking of connecting to one of them and then decided to not do it again..last time I got a flood of people because everyone knew everyone else and too many people still had AIDS or were dying and I just can't do it again...I have nothing left....major PTSD moments for me....so I ran away....

...and the weird thing now...when I was looking at the pics I felt like I am saying my final good-bye instead of hello. I am hoping it isn't a premonition like I am dying or something LOL....has anyone ever had anything like that happen? It is so unexpected and I am not sure what I think now...

I actually do have a specific question ......

Do you ever just "know" that you are in a different part of your life now...and you have to say good-bye to the past?...and just "know" it belongs in the past?

I know so many people want to "connect" with everyone they ever knew so I am wondering if I am just weird because I don't ...and I really liked..even loved...a lot of them... does this happen to anyone else?

[princealbertofb]

East, you are just a very very sensitive person, and you feel things accutely. So hopefully it isn't one of your premonitions, but just the idea of all your past traumas accumulating to single out this feeling. Take a deep breath, my friend, and get a hug from your hubby...
You are not alone.

[princealbertofb]

To answer your question, yes I know the past is the past, sometimes... But we shouldn't be afraid of it. Embrace it. It was you, once upon a time. Now you're the new you... the you of now. The YEW of NOW. (that's an old tree, innit?)

[princealbertofb]

... and, to be honest, East, we are all dying, we were all dying from the moment we were born, so if it's any consolation, we'll try and live a little longer. What do you say to that?

[East]

East, you are just a very very sensitive person, and you feel things accutely. So hopefully it isn't one of your premonitions, but just the idea of all your past traumas accumulating to single out this feeling. Take a deep breath, my friend, and get a hug from your hubby...
You are not alone.

Thanks PA...yeah...something only my BF and a few of my friends know (and now everyone here)....back in 1996 I had a premonition I was going to die when I was 57...and now I am 57...I have made it through almost 8 months now....

I mostly just try to put it out of my mind and not think about it....

I hope I was wrong of course....maybe it was a symbolic "death".....like the baggage I was carrying is gonna "die"...

[East]

To answer your question, yes I know the past is the past, sometimes... But we shouldn't be afraid of it. Embrace it. It was you, once upon a time. Now you're the new you... the you of now. The YEW of NOW. (that's an old tree, innit?)

...I am not really afraid of embracing it...I am more afraid of letting it go and being OK just letting it go....like I am killing off a part of me....

... and, to be honest, East, we are all dying, we were all dying from the moment we were born, so if it's any consolation, we'll try and live a little longer. What do you say to that?

Very true...and I tell myself that. Because of my premonition...I felt like I had to prepare myself for death just in case....so I tell myself these things so I will get used to it...

I know I will be very happy if I make it to July 25th...I was gonna say July 24 which is my B'day but I think July 25 will be a better day to relax...

[princealbertofb]

Thanks PA...yeah...something only my BF and a few of my friends know (and now everyone here)....back in 1996 I had a premonition I was going to die when I was 57...and now I am 57...I have made it through almost 8 months now....

I mostly just try to put it out of my mind and not think about it....

I hope I was wrong of course....maybe it was a symbolic "death".....like the baggage I was carrying is gonna "die"...

Yes, I think it's something like that, East.... You know, it's like getting the DEATH tarot card, it doesn't actually mean death but change. Change in perspective, change in your lifestyle, whatever. Anyway we can't just let you die on us, but if you do, let it be said that you have been loved, cherished, and appreciated. Somehow, I think we're stuck with you for a few more years.

To tell you a personal story, my father's father (whom I never knew) died when he was 54. I'm pretty sure my own father never expected to get past that age, but now he's 86 and doing just fine (still) so, I don't know what happened to his feelings of mortality (even though it is a theme we talk about, on a down to earth basis - I love my father for that, so uncomplicated).

Maybe you're just reaching that age when you're supposed to turn into a unicorn, or (fate worse than death) become a childless grandfather type... hey, it happens to those of us who make it through the vicissitudes of life. As I said, embrace it, honey. One day at a time.

[princealbertofb]

...I am not really afraid of embracing it...I am more afraid of letting it go and being OK just letting it go....like I am killing off a part of me....



Very true...and I tell myself that. Because of my premonition...I felt like I had to prepare myself for death just in case....so I tell myself these things so I will get used to it...

I know I will be very happy if I make it to July 25th...I was gonna say July 24 which is my B'day but I think July 25 will be a better day to relax...

Prune that tree, East, and let new cuts grow... (yikes, no, I didn't say body hair!!! ... oh, whatever) :biggrin:.

[meridannight]

Thanks PA...yeah...something only my BF and a few of my friends know (and now everyone here)....back in 1996 I had a premonition I was going to die when I was 57...and now I am 57...I have made it through almost 8 months now....

I mostly just try to put it out of my mind and not think about it....

this is how i see it. people sometimes have premonitions. such things are, by nature, directed at the future, so there can be a certain age/year/number to it. if it is associated with a specific figure, you can't avoid it one way or another. you could have just as easily had a premonition that you'd die at 50. and then you would have been worried about that when you were 50. instead now you're doing it at 57. and it will pass just like 50 did with you still intact.

you can't really foresee your death. it's to do with emotional and associative circuits in the brain. you're experiencing something and your brain essentially analyses everything to do with it, including past experiences, exposure and memories in addition to current emotional, mental, and physical state when it is happening. basically, it means that the thing that triggered the premonition activated some memory and association circuits in your brain that were linked to some death-related material. but you don't actively remember it (your brain does though). thus it can make you feel like it's a premonition of your own death, whereas it's just an associative processing in your brain.

[East]

Yes, I think it's something like that, East.... You know, it's like getting the DEATH tarot card, it doesn't actually mean death but change. Change in perspective, change in your lifestyle, whatever. Anyway we can't just let you die on us, but if you do, let it be said that you have been loved, cherished, and appreciated. Somehow, I think we're stuck with you for a few more years.

To tell you a personal story, my father's father (whom I never knew) died when he was 54. I'm pretty sure my own father never expected to get past that age, but now he's 86 and doing just fine (still) so, I don't know what happened to his feelings of mortality (even though it is a theme we talk about, on a down to earth basis - I love my father for that, so uncomplicated).

Maybe you're just reaching that age when you're supposed to turn into a unicorn, or (fate worse than death) become a childless grandfather type... hey, it happens to those of us who make it through the vicissitudes of life. As I said, embrace it, honey. One day at a time.

Thank you PA.....you said the perfect thing to me actually ((()))

I have an incident that happened in 1996 that might be connected...again...everyone close to me was either there or knows about it....and this is WHY I am definitely a physical empath which is hard for most people to even grasp....and also WHY my premonition is part scary and part "hopeful" or even "comforting"...

Back in May of 1996 I woke up on a Monday morning and was in a weird state of mind and I called my therapist which is something I never did..a phone consultation...and I told her that I knew I was going to die.....

Well...she knew me and knew better than to dismiss what I was saying because I may be "out there" for some people...but I am telling the truth as crazy as it sounds sometimes and she knew that about me. So...she told me she once had a client who also told her she knew she was going to die and sure enough..she was changing a tire just past an overpass on the side of the road and she was hit and killed ....and that made me feel so much better ....not sure why...but it did. I think it was because I knew she heard me...

She made me feel so much better that I pretty much forgot about it until a couple weeks later....but it is an important piece to the puzzle....

So...three days later...around 10 AM when I was starting to go to work after I opened my doors...all of a sudden I was really weak and had no energy so I was sitting down...and it was very difficult to get up....and after awhile I started to sweat...bad...my shirt and my pants were completely wet and I couldn't even stand up...and I had a bunch of people standing around me...asking me if I was OK..getting me towels and then wringing them out....

This went on for a few more hours and all of a sudden my friend Paul pointed out that my arm was yellow ...and it was....yellow...and then everyone decided I needed to go to the hospital...and I agreed...I had no energy and my arm looked really weird....

...and after I agreed to go and everyone got everything together to carry me...all of a sudden it all stopped. I could stand up even though I felt wiped out...and my pants needed to be changed...you know how wet you have to be to get Levis so wet you have to wring them out? I started drinking water and trying to replace my liquid and even though everyone wanted me to still go to the hospital...I felt a lot better and assured them the first sign of whatever happened to me returning I would go right away...and I would have....

A couple hours later...I get a call.....

My mom was in the hospital dying...she was found in bed soaking wet and she was yellow from the liver cancer....

They had to carry her out....

I freaked....I hadn't talked to my mom in a LONG TIME and did not know she had liver cancer or was even sick. I had experienced physically exactly what she experienced...and I almost lost it. You see...alot of the time in my life I had scary physical empath things happen but I never told anyone and just pretended they didn't happen and tried not to think about them...but this time...I had witnesses...a lot of them...and they all knew...so I couldn't pretend anymore.

That was a game changer for me....

..and so she died that day and the moment she died...I felt like my whole mouth was filled with 100 dirty ashtrays...I had to go outside because I was choking and I kept gagging and trying to spit I out. I can't even describe how horrible it was...I couldn't get any air...I was holding on to a tree crying and my BF was trying to help me but he was scared as well...and then...it stopped....

I got the call again...she died...at the exact time I was gagging.....

It wasn't until a few weeks later that I was reminded about the phone call to Pat...and I must have felt that she was going to die and she either possessed me (she was evil)...or my empath thing was going to be so unbearable in the future I might have to end it...I did NOT want to go through that again...

Pat gave me tools to use to help me deal with my condition...I have used them everyday since..to this very day...

...and when we talked...and she reminded me about the phone call and I connected the dots...I told her that I was happy..and I didn't think I was going to die until I was 57....

...and here I am.

Feeling like I was saying goodbye to the people on FB brought it all up again...and I very well might die...or even worse...someone else that I am close to might die and I might feel it....

Or maybe I just threw out a number back then and it meant nothing.....

...or maybe...like you said ...it might mean change. I actually think it might be a part of me that dies...I have worked for a very long time...very hard...to get rid of the baggage I was saddled with...and I am actually very close to my goal..so hopefully that is what it all means..

...and yeah...I am sensitive...especially my body...but the silver lining in that...I am a GREAT FUCK because of it LOL

Anyway..thanks for listening. I almost brought this to PM but I had an incident with the PM a couple weeks ago and I am afraid to use it at the moment ...it was a virus ...so I figured what the hell...might as well share it with the world..eh? LOL