Believe it or not, disabled people don't have any more problems finding and keeping a boyfriend than anyone else does. What you are basically suggesting is that a disabled boyfriend would be more likely to stay with you because he is to "damaged" to find someone else, which is not only untrue but rather offensive.
Further, you mentality is suggestive of a person who is seeking to be in a dominance position over another person (anyone will do, apparently, even a "damaged" person). Form my perspective, it seems that the only ingredient missing in some poor bastards future abusive relationship is--You.
~Beaux
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Does that thought turn you on?
The fact that you're talking about it suggests that you are not really that naive. You understand that it is problematic, so I get the impression that you don't just want to do a 'good deed' but that this is something that 'turns you on' physically or mentally.
Since at least the age of 7, I have been turned on by heavier men. In the time that has passed, those thoughts have kind of settled - I don't really like obese men, but I like the thought of cuddly but firm-to-the-touch men. Heavy, but well-sculpted - not exactly muscular. I still feel a bit weird about it, but I had no choice on the matter. There might be a blurred line between sexuality and mental illness. People with more conventional fetishes may not feel that guilty, but people with odd fetishes may feel that they are sick in the head. In the end, some mental/sexual abnormalities are probably defined by social standards. I have been drinking, so this probably makes little sense (I'm not good at expressing my opinions at the best of times).
More information is needed. But we all have our 'notions' Whether they are messed up or not is probably determined by how society defines things as being normal or abnormal.
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So I donât really like the way you compared looking for a boyfriend to a transaction, although it is kinda true. I guess if everybody thinks the way you do, things would be so much easier.
You don't like it? Is it any less cynical than what you're considering?
It isn't about what anybody thinks, it is the truth: Relationships have to be give-and-take to be healthy; you have to complement each other's strengths and liabilities.
A person living with a physical or other challenge isn't looking for pity or to be a consolation prize for someone who thinks he "can't do any better". I'm still trying to get my head around how offended I would be.
As an Asian guy, would you really feel loved and attractive by a guy who said to himself "well, Caucasoid guys don't like me, so I guess I'll try Asians. They'll feel grateful I'm paying them any attention."
You need to figure out what good things YOU bring to the table and then believe in your heart that you are worthy of love if you expect a relationship to be healthy and functional.
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ShiftyNJ Wrote:You don't like it? Is it any less cynical than what you're considering?
It isn't about what anybody thinks, it is the truth: Relationships have to be give-and-take to be healthy; you have to complement each other's strengths and liabilities. Iâm sorry I have no idea what youâre trying to convince me here, but as an accounting student I have to say your theory of âhow accounting equation relates to relationshipsâ is pretty impressive. Just because I didnât appreciate that you compared me to a âproductâ, and now Iâm sort of cynical.
If you insist, may I ask did you sell yourself for a good price? How do you calculate the annual depreciation of yourself? And how much is the interest payable to your âliabilitiesâ? I hope you look good on your relationship income statement.
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Okay, done trying to help. Best of luck to you.
And by the way I've been in a great relationship for twelve years, so I guess I do.
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Beaux Wrote:Further, you mentality is suggestive of a person who is seeking to be in a dominance position over another person (anyone will do, apparently, even a "damaged" person). Form my perspective, it seems that the only ingredient missing in some poor bastards future abusive relationship is--You.
~Beaux Wow I didnât realize this post would cause so much drama and we actually have a âgodâ here. Well I wanna thank you for your reply cause I bet youâre so busy with getting offended by people at all times.
Iâm curious how could you be so sure about âdisabled people don't have any more problems finding and keeping a boyfriend than anyone else doesâ, maybe you really are the god who can and speak for everybody. I think Iâve been very careful with not putting tags on anybody, and constantly used the words âmaybeâ, âI guessâ, âhe might beâ if you know what they mean. Honestly, I donât care if you think Iâm prejudiced or whatever, but you know whatâs worse than that? A keyboard hero.
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ShiftyNJ Wrote:Okay, done trying to help. Best of luck to you.
And by the way I've been in a great relationship for twelve years, so I guess I do. Thank you for your help, and you should write a book about your study and help more people
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allanchen1990 Wrote:Wow I didnât realize this post would cause so much drama and we actually have a âgodâ here. Well I wanna thank you for your reply cause I bet youâre so busy with getting offended by people at all times.
Iâm curious how could you be so sure about âdisabled people don't have any more problems finding and keeping a boyfriend than anyone else doesâ
Because I am disabled, you idiot, and have been with my husband going on 20 years.
~Beaux
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allanchen1990 Wrote:Thank you for your help, and you should write a book about your study and help more people
That's a good idea. I shouldn't stop at the articles I've had published so far. onwards and upwards!
Meanwhile with your winning personality it's hard to imagine why you have trouble dating. You came in here (I assume) looking for some guidance. I'm assuming you are pretty new to this site, but it is actually pretty rare in that people take you seriously and put time into their replies. I engaged you, despite being really offended by what you were suggesting, because I hate to see people unhappy.
You are not putting this together despite multiple people's reactions being very similar, so It clearly needs to be spelled out for you: What you are suggesting is offensive to people with disabilities because it implies they should be grateful that ANY non-disabled person would accept them, so they will be less picky.
The gist of my advice stands... instead of "settling" WORK ON YOURSELF and you will be in a better place to date whomever you want.
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This isn't going to end well.
I forgive your innocent toe stomping here. I think your youth betrays your experiences in real life.
While true many disabled guys find it harder to find a mate because a lot of gay guys are super shallow and demand perfection, the reality is that disabled guys don't need pity relationships or are so needy of attention that they will cling to the first bark that floats by.
Seems to me you are young and in a rush to get a husband as if there is some race to be won. Relationships don't work that way.
And yes there is a subculture of Asian loving men. There are plenty of total tops who will want a total bottom.
The problem all gay men face is that we are an endangered species. There is just too few of us to find likely partners and mates. If we go with the average of 2% of the population is gay, that means there is only 2 gay men in every 100 men.
This is the odds you are up against. This is before we reconcile the fact that many gays are shallow - especially in your age group, that many do not want to settle down and want to have as much fun as possible.
Its worse because we don't have nice places to go to meet other gay men. Bars and clubs are not nice. LGBT centers may be nicer - but I'm not certain what actually goes on in those places.
Other than that were to gays come together to where you get a chance to meet a lot of them - or meet guys who you know are gay?
The numbers are against you.
Go ahead and look at the member's list here. Many of the members are single gay/bi men who, like you, are not having the luck of the draw when it comes to the dating thing.
Its a lot more common than you may think.
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