I don't have the typical "Sexual appetite" of a "gay male"

[strangeblackguy]

I'm not trying to make myself sound so unique or different or better than anyone.

When I had my first erection, I imagined a guy lying on top of me and grinding his penis into mine. I didn't find out about anal, until I looked up porn. It grossed me out and I threw up.

Being that most gay porn doesn't involve anything remotely like frottage..I had to "teach" my penis to get aroused to anal. I didn't even masturbate normally. I didn't rub my penis through my fist...I rubbed my hands over my penis as it lay flat on my stomach. (Mimicing something rubbing on my penis)

Anyway, I'm still a virgin mostly because I want to have sex after I get married (insane, I know), but I'm not into anal.

I also don't find blowjobs appealing. I don't want to suck anyone's penis nor have them suck mine. Granted I have very full lips and people have told me they would be perfect for sucking, but that's like saying because a woman has a large "chest area" she should want to get motorboated.

The point is dry humping, or rubbing of two penises is my ultimate sexual fantasy. Or at least jerking off another guy while he jerks me off. I like the idea of picking up another guy or being lifted, sitting on a guy's lap, having a guy sit on my lap. Penetration isn't remotely appealing to me. Having a guy pass his penis through my thighs or on my crack sounds hot, though. As for rimming, I think licking inside a butt is gross, but a nice plump butt In undies, I would playfully "blow raspberries on and bury my face in it.

The thing is most people see that as "foreplay". And I don't fit into the "top or bottom" category.

Anyway, the closest thing I've found is a guy who claimed he was asexual so he'd be up for pretty much anything I wanted to do. However, he lives very far away and so I am working to get to a financial place to be able to move. Granted, things could change, but just in general...porn isn't appealing to me and I don't seem to have wet dreams.

I guess my biggest fear is he actually likes anal and wants to top me. I know some guys will say anything to get into your pants. Or that he doesn't care for anal now, but if we were in a relationship, he'd eventually crave anal and want to try it.

I mean, I probably sound lame. Why am I gay, right? You don't want to suck dick, get sucked, take dick, give dick..it's like anal and oral is what gay men seem to think counts as sex.

I guess I am a "frottage bottom" in that I am more passive, but I don't know. Don't really know why I posted this. Feel free to reply.

[strangeblackguy]

Look! A beached thread!

[Miles]

"Most broadcast" / "visible" does not necessarily mean "typical". I've read a significant portion of gay men don't give a shit about anal, oral, etc. Don't have any statistics or anything on hand though

[MikeW]

Look! A beached thread!

Oops, …. sorry about that. Every once in a while one slips through the cracks and doesn't get a reply. Anyway, welcome to the forum.

Not quite sure what to say. I mean, you're right, one certainly does get the impression that most gay men pretty much follow the gay-porn script: Foreplay with some kissing and fondling, moving on to blow jobs and rimming, culminating in anal sex and cumming. And you're probably right that most gay guys would want that (and more) in a relationship (although not necessarily in that order, in the space of 20 minutes, or all the time). SO… finding someone that you're personally (romantically) compatible with AND sexually compatible with is like looking for a needle in a hay stack.

My personal sexual preferences are pretty tame -- not exactly like yours but vanilla by most standards. Still, that hasn't stopped me from having two LTRs *and* experimenting and exploring sexual activities that were outside my personal comfort zone. So… I guess that's the question you have to decide for yourself… If you're going to insist that you don't have sexual experiences other than the one's you've described, then, yes, that is going to severely limit the number of potential sex and life partners you'll find (which, for a gay guy, are already fairly limited compared to our hetero counterparts). Obviously, the more comfortable and open you feel about sex in general the more men you're likely to meet and, consequently, the more likely you are to meet someone you're personally compatible with as well.

The only thing I can suggest is looking into some form of sex training. There may be others but the only 'school' I know of that might be of help is Body Electric. They offer workshops that don't so much concentrate on sexual positions as *stimulation* through touch and breath work. There are also gay tantra groups.

Good luck and I hope this gets some other replies as well!

[CellarDweller]

"Most broadcast" / "visible" does not necessarily mean "typical". I've read a significant portion of gay men don't give a shit about anal, oral, etc. Don't have any statistics or anything on hand though

I know a few couples who don't practice anal. There's no set rule that says you must.

[yousir]

embrace what you are, youre not alone.

Anal (including rimming and fingering) do nothing fpr me.

Oral can be hit and miss. And id only do it with a guy im dating / Bf.

Stimulation through touch is more my kind of thing. Being a fetish guy, there is nothing that turns me on more than teasing a guy with tickling in a sensual way to make him squirm and moan. Mixing it with other sensual touch, as well as kissing and licking sensitive spots. Especially the feet.

[ShiftyNJ]

I'm not trying to make myself sound so unique or different or better than anyone.

When I had my first erection, I imagined a guy lying on top of me and grinding his penis into mine. I didn't find out about anal, until I looked up porn. It grossed me out and I threw up.

Being that most gay porn doesn't involve anything remotely like frottage..I had to "teach" my penis to get aroused to anal. I didn't even masturbate normally. I didn't rub my penis through my fist...I rubbed my hands over my penis as it lay flat on my stomach. (Mimicing something rubbing on my penis)

Anyway, I'm still a virgin mostly because I want to have sex after I get married (insane, I know), but I'm not into anal.

I also don't find blowjobs appealing. I don't want to suck anyone's penis nor have them suck mine. Granted I have very full lips and people have told me they would be perfect for sucking, but that's like saying because a woman has a large "chest area" she should want to get motorboated.

The point is dry humping, or rubbing of two penises is my ultimate sexual fantasy. Or at least jerking off another guy while he jerks me off. I like the idea of picking up another guy or being lifted, sitting on a guy's lap, having a guy sit on my lap. Penetration isn't remotely appealing to me. Having a guy pass his penis through my thighs or on my crack sounds hot, though. As for rimming, I think licking inside a butt is gross, but a nice plump butt In undies, I would playfully "blow raspberries on and bury my face in it.

The thing is most people see that as "foreplay". And I don't fit into the "top or bottom" category.

Anyway, the closest thing I've found is a guy who claimed he was asexual so he'd be up for pretty much anything I wanted to do. However, he lives very far away and so I am working to get to a financial place to be able to move. Granted, things could change, but just in general...porn isn't appealing to me and I don't seem to have wet dreams.

I guess my biggest fear is he actually likes anal and wants to top me. I know some guys will say anything to get into your pants. Or that he doesn't care for anal now, but if we were in a relationship, he'd eventually crave anal and want to try it.

I mean, I probably sound lame. Why am I gay, right? You don't want to suck dick, get sucked, take dick, give dick..it's like anal and oral is what gay men seem to think counts as sex.

I guess I am a "frottage bottom" in that I am more passive, but I don't know. Don't really know why I posted this. Feel free to reply.

There are plenty of guys whose preferences are similar to yours, and -- even if there weren't -- you should not feel like you are obligated to do anything you don't like, or think there's something wrong with you for what you don't. I would just say be very up front when you meet people and let them decide it's a deal breaker. Don't wait til you or they are emotionally invested.

I am much like you in that the emotional connection to a guy and just being physically with him is way more important to me than "who puts what where". To me your attraction is to the person, not the activity. I have tried various things and a lot of it leaves me cold. There are some things I will do if my guy likes it but it's really for him, and some things that are show-stoppers.

[Darius]

You like what you like and no one can tell you that you are abnormal because of it. I agree that most guys probably like what you describe as foreplay or for occasional sex, but not regularly.
The other thing is this--you are a virgin, so you really don't know what you will enjoy until you are intimate with someone. You might surprise yourself. Up until now, your sex life is fantasy and masturbation. When you meet someone you really like and care for, things will likely change.

One thing you mentioned that bothered me was finding the guy who claimed to be asexual. If this is an online acquaintance, forget it. Don't move or pin your hopes on him. He sounds like a major red flag to me.

Good luck and keep us informed of how things are with you.

[Rareboy]

Everyone has their own kink.

If frot and maybe jerking off is your thing...then that's the way you're wired.

there's someone out there for everyone.

[Pyromancer]

You like what you like and no one can tell you that you are abnormal because of it. I agree that most guys probably like what you describe as foreplay or for occasional sex, but not regularly.
The other thing is this--you are a virgin, so you really don't know what you will enjoy until you are intimate with someone. You might surprise yourself. Up until now, your sex life is fantasy and masturbation. When you meet someone you really like and care for, things will likely change.
One thing you mentioned that bothered me was finding the guy who claimed to be asexual. If this is an online acquaintance, forget it. Don't move or pin your hopes on him. He sounds like a major red flag to me.

Good luck and keep us informed of how things are with you.

I think that what I've underlined above is the most important point that anyone has made here...I know it was true for me. And it's been my experience that porn bears little resemblance to reality. One of the first porn vids I ever watched had a guy pulling his dick out of someone's ass and shoving it directly into their mouth...it was almost enough to turn me straight...

Maybe just relax a bit and focus on finding someone you're attracted to, getting to know them and exploring likes and dislikes together...