Trouble Achieving Orgasm With Guy I Like

[Thaguy33]

Background: I have never been romantically involved with anyone and have never been in a relationship. I am not out to most people, and most of my sexual experiences have been hookups/one night stands, or friends with benefits type situations. (No judging necessary.)

A couple of months ago, I hooked up with a guy. Something happened, it was just different. We hung out for awhile and talked and got to know each other a bit. Since then we've been seeing each other regularly and began dating, I guess you would say. (Well, we've been going out on dates, hanging out during free days and just generally having fun and enjoying each other's company, so although I've never dated before -- that is 'dating' right?)

Truth be told, I've never had such feelings for someone and am truly head over heels for him. (Again, no judging necessary, and please spare me from the typical admonitions about how hooking up first ruins the prospects of a relationship, I should "get tested," etc. etc. if you are truly interested in giving me helpful advice.)

I am incredibly attracted to this person and the sex is truly mind blowing. Which is why it is so strange for me that often times I'm unable to cum (I am a total bottom, he is a top). Even though I am very turned on by him, and very much enjoy the sex, sometimes I just can't do it. I feel embarrassed and I think he feels bad, and the last thing I want him to think is that I'm not in to him. The first time it happened was the second time I met him. I thought maybe I was really nervous about seeing him again because I truly liked him in a romantic/emotional way, not just in a hook-up way. At this point, though, we've met up at least 10 times, and I feel far from nervous around him but actually incredibly content and comfortable.

Historically, I've always been pretty fast to get off (it's part of the reason I never really topped - couldn't go more than a minute), so this is truly bizarre for me. And for the record, when I do get off with this guy (which sometimes has to wait until round II), it is incredibly intense (more so than I think I've ever experienced before) which leads me to believe it is not a case of me actually not being sexually into him despite thinking I am.

Anyway, not sure if I needed to share all of these intimate details, but I'm hoping someone here has some ideas and look forward to any non-judgmental, helpful responses.

[TitanicTweedy]

No experience to say anything specific - other than if you're after advice its already starting to get into your head - and if it bothers you too much it might become the cause of the problem (assuming the root cause is something else to begin with).

[LJay]

From Tahbeena the Fortune Cookie Writer:

"You are inexperienced. Tell him so and practice, practice, practice."

[East]

There are different kinds of orgasms sometimes when you bottom.

Do you feel sticky sometimes...like you have dribbled cum but not had a full orgasm?

[Beaux]

First of all, I would never critize you for having sex. Sex is good, but if you have never had experience at it, then no wonder it isn't going as you expected. What did you think, you would suddenly be a porn star? Like LJay said, Practice, Practice, Practice!
~Beaux

[Borg69]

Years of conditioning yourself to masturbation. You need to retrain your junk to new/different stimulation than your usual death grip by yourself. Relax, and relinquish control to him.

[Camfer]

As far as I can tell you're taking a great situation and turning it into a problem. What guy would not want a partner he gets to top twice to satisfy him?

[meridannight]

A couple of months ago, I hooked up with a guy. Something happened, it was just different. We hung out for awhile and talked and got to know each other a bit. Since then we've been seeing each other regularly and began dating, I guess you would say. (Well, we've been going out on dates, hanging out during free days and just generally having fun and enjoying each other's company, so although I've never dated before -- that is 'dating' right?)

Truth be told, I've never had such feelings for someone and am truly head over heels for him. (Again, no judging necessary, and please spare me from the typical admonitions about how hooking up first ruins the prospects of a relationship, I should "get tested," etc. etc. if you are truly interested in giving me helpful advice.)

wouldn't even have crossed my mind. on the contrary, i think sex is very important. it says a lot about a guy and helps build/form a connection between you two.

I am incredibly attracted to this person and the sex is truly mind blowing. Which is why it is so strange for me that often times I'm unable to cum (I am a total bottom, he is a top). Even though I am very turned on by him, and very much enjoy the sex, sometimes I just can't do it. I feel embarrassed and I think he feels bad, and the last thing I want him to think is that I'm not in to him. The first time it happened was the second time I met him. I thought maybe I was really nervous about seeing him again because I truly liked him in a romantic/emotional way, not just in a hook-up way. At this point, though, we've met up at least 10 times, and I feel far from nervous around him but actually incredibly content and comfortable.

Historically, I've always been pretty fast to get off (it's part of the reason I never really topped - couldn't go more than a minute), so this is truly bizarre for me. And for the record, when I do get off with this guy (which sometimes has to wait until round II), it is incredibly intense (more so than I think I've ever experienced before) which leads me to believe it is not a case of me actually not being sexually into him despite thinking I am.

you're obviously into him sexually. i wouldn't worry about that. in fact, it sounds like the sex is very hot, so i'm not sure there is anything wrong at all. stop worrying and building up expectations of performance on yourself. that will surely put you under some mental strain and will make it harder to relax and enjoy yourself.

[princealbertofb]

Don't feel bad about what's happening to you. I'd say it is a pretty normal situation. Maybe you are just putting too much pressure (mentally) on yourself and maybe you should just downplay it all with regard to how he is operating. You're getting really turned on by the sex, as you said, and therefore it wouldn't be wrong to say so. It doesn't necessarily entail that you're going to orgasm if there is a slight mental blockage going on. Something that you're not totally aware is going on, probably.
Someone mentioned that you have to find a way of atuning your body to different stimuli than masturbation, therefore it's going to take whatever time it takes for you to relax sufficiently.

That being said, there is such a thing as too comfortable and too relaxed, turned on but not sufficiently revved up to orgasm. They say it takes a certain rate of heartbeat to get an orgasm and ejaculation started. If you are very worried something IS wrong with you, then you might mention this to your doctor.

Also, positions can be more or less responsible for you having an orgasm, or not. Reassure your partner that he is not doing anything wrong, unless you feel that he isn't hitting the right spots, in which case you have to help him to achieve that by changing positions, or finding what turns your mind on as well as your heartbeat.

One more thing, are you a smoker? I think it might also get in the way of feeling the pleasurable feeling.

[princealbertofb]

By the way, to GaySpeak, ThaGuy33.