How do relationships last?

[shykid25]

I am wondering how do relationships last in the gay communities. Is there any advice for those that have been in a relationship that has lasted a long time/still with the same person? What keeps that relationship going, so it can last a life time.

[meridannight]

in my experience, it's a mix of personal compatibility, loyalty, and realistic world view. you have to understand your partner is a human being. don't expect him to conform to your standards, don't expect him to roll over for you. he's not a dog. (mutual respect wouldn't hurt in the equation). he's not perfect, nor should be. neither are you for that matter. you will both make mistakes and get on each other's nerves from time to time. but if you know what you want, you know how to get it.

[Borg69]

Accept him for whom he is, not whom you want him to be. Concentrate on what you put into the relationship more than you worry about what you get out of it. Communicate. Compromise. Forgive. Expect to work. Don't expect magic. Be faithful. Loyal. Don't take him for granted. Don't lose yourselves in the relationship or let it become your only identity. Trust and have faith, but don't follow blindly.

A little spontaneous romance doesn't hurt either.

[Iceblink]

My boyfriend and I have been together more than 12 years. We are very different people and have very different tastes, but we have similar life philosophies and morals and that is what keeps us together. That is what matters, not the small, insignificant stuff like music tastes or elbows on the table while eating. One other thing that unites us and keeps us together- we hate the same things.

[MikeW]

It's a combination of good communication skills (the ability to know one's self, express one's self, and truly be interested in and listen to the other) and the blind luck of meeting the right guy and the two of you falling in love with one another.

We have this IDEAL that love -- and a good relationship -- should last "a lifetime". The reality is, that seldom happens -- for a lot of reasons.

Part of it is the times we are in. For example, my parents -- who were old enough to be my grand parents when I was born -- MARRIED at ages 15 & 17 (1921) and both lived long enough to see their SEVENTY-FIFTH wedding anniversary! o.O That *kind of* "until death do us part" relationship is rare these days (IMO).

All relationships, regardless of orientation, face incredible stressors. So, sometimes, relationships are best understood as *this is what is happening now and it is good and wonderful EVEN IF it doesn't last forever*. Bottom line, none of us can predict the further. None of us can protect ourselves from pain, sorrow and grief. These feelings are ALSO part of life. Real, lasting relationships are those that can EMBRACE the difficulty and work together to deal with them. That's what the "for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part" stuff is all about. It's not just a "commitment"… its the realization that life can and often does throw at us both rose petals and cannon balls.

[BarryAndBryan]

I totally agree with the above comments....you have to understand that relationships are hard work....and if you are not willing to put in the effort then the relationship will not last. Honesty is key...because once lies start coming out then you lose trust and if you don't have trust then your relationship is doomed. Always make Sure you listen and make time for each other. My husband and I have been together for 4 years, and yes...we have had many ups and Downs...we are going through a situation right now actually....but we do what we always do....go through everything....the good and the bad...hand in hand.

[jimcrackcorn]

After being with the same old fart for 40 years,,, all I can say is you have to be able to forgive,,, have patience,,, don't quit when things go wrong,,, accept each others differences,,, allow each other to change with the years,,, and be there for each other when it counts.

There is no sure-fire solution on how to keep every relationship going. Each relationship has to deal with individual dynamics ,,, so some will last and some won't. I was lucky............

Jim

[Rareboy]

love and patience.

[Bricg1970]

Completely agree with all the posts and what I have learnt is communication, never give him for granted, its a source of problems, making assumptions about what your partner thinks or does, neither you nor you are mind readers.

[East]

I think the most important thing is for each person to develop a great relationship with themselves. When you like/love yourself it is much easier to extend that to the other person....

After that...honesty and communication are the two big ones....

Also...as has been mentioned...It is important to know how to forgive...and to let go of something..and understand that no one is perfect....

One thing that is important to me...I have yet to say a bad word about my boyfriend to anyone else...and we have been together 29 years.

I love him unconditionally...and I respect him...and he is also my best friend...and I treat him with the respect he deserves.