Am I gay?

[Jay222]

I need some advice from you guys. I have never in my life thought I was gay. I have had plenty of relationships with women and never fantasized about a romantic/sexual relationship with a guy, but all of my coworkers think I am. What do I do? Please help. 😞

[Lexington]

Welcome to GS!

I have never in my life thought I was gay. I have had plenty of relationships with women and never fantasized about a romantic/sexual relationship with a guy,

That's all you need to answer this question:

Am I gay?

No. And why would your co-workers have a better insight into your sexuality than you would?

Lex

[Jay222]

I am a perfectionist and think I should be everyone's friend and know everything about everything. This gay thing is eating my brain alive, driving me to drink and making me depressed/suicidal.

[Hardheaded1]

It's not a disease. You don't need a diagnosis from a "professional" gay.

Either you are sexually aroused by men or you are not.

It's not a lifestyle.

It's not hand gestures.

It's not a wardrobe preference.

It's sexual attraction. That's it.

You posted while I was posting. Pleasing people is a preoccupation of teenagers. If you are caught up in it -- it is perfectly normal.

Don't let others project onto you what they think you are. You be calm and centered in yourself. You'll learn how it's done. Be patient.

You're welcome to visit with us here just the same.

[Jay222]

I appreciate it man. I really do. Would you mind sharing how you knew you were gay?

[Lexington]

I am a perfectionist and think I should be everyone's friend and know everything about everything. This gay thing is eating my brain alive, driving me to drink and making me depressed/suicidal.

Speaking for myself here - with me, "this gay thing" isn't any big deal. You dig women, I dig guys, but otherwise, there's no real big difference. If your co-workers think you're gay, the proper response is just "actually, I'm not". That's it.

Would you mind sharing how you knew you were gay?

It wasn't aimed at me, but I'll answer too.

Until I was 19, I assumed I was straight. I was horny like every teenager, and jerked off like most do. But no woman really...did anything for me. I figured I was "picky", and once I found the right woman, I'd have my libido kick into gear.

But at age 19, I wondered if perhaps I were gay. It seemed silly - presumably, I should've KNOWN by then. But I went outside, and waited around to see a guy that I could active ogle. A jogger went by, and I gave him a surreptitious once-over as he approached me, and a more thorough look once he passed.

....and my dick nearly tore through my jeans.

Starting then, I started fantasizing about guys. And my sex drive ramped up something fierce. It's only now cooling down over twenty years later.

Lex

[Iceblink]

My advice, if you are in a work environment where people think it is appropriate workplace behavior to school a person in what they believe is his sexual orientation, maybe it is time to start looking for another place to work.

[Jay222]

Did you have fantasies about women prior to that day?

[JCasey]

I had a different experience. I was initiated into gay behavior at the age of 12 by the neighborhood boys. I was also sodomized by a 40 year old man, but that doesn't really count. At that age, I hadn't considered sexual orientation. I knew that it was expected for boys my age to like girls, so I set my sights on them. I played doctor with one girl, but it was more of a case of curiosity. When we moved to the city, a peer of mine reintroduced me into gay play. I did so with him and a couple other guys, but still dutifully pursued the good looking females. My last gay encounter was at 17 with a younger guy in the woods. After that I became a non-sexual. In my late 20s, knowing that my parents wanted a grandchild, I sought out a woman to be the mother. When she became pregnant, we discussed marriage, but that never occurred. When she moved out, I returned to being a non-sexual. Of course, I still exprienced personal intimate time, which was usually fueled by memories of my earlier sexual experiences as a teen ( with guys). In February of this year, I finally accepted myself as being gay.

I am a relatively masculine guy, but I am not into lots of guy things. My daughter's mother said that she realized I was gay two years after she moved out.

So, when did I "know" I was gay is not as much the question as when I accepted myself as I am and stopped being what others expected me to be.

[MikeW]

I appreciate it man. I really do. Would you mind sharing how you knew you were gay?

Many of us have shared about this stuff on this forum. Not sure how you'd search to find those threads.

But basically that's just it.. you begin to have sexual fantasies about guys (usually other boys as this most often begins when one begins jerking off as a pre-teen or teen). I did not know the word "gay" -- when I was a kid growing up it just meant "care free". (See the URL in my signature to read all about that.)

But I *knew* I was sexually into other guys and not girls from a very early age -- like 8yo for sure. I'd already had erotic experiences with other boys (not full on sex).

So, if you don't have erotic fantasies about guys… you are not gay. Doesn't matter if you DO like to dance around in a dress to "The Sound of Music"… (or whatever)… if you do not have sexual fantasies about guys/men… you are NOT gay.