I know this post will probably piss a lot of people on this forum off...but I say what's on my mind no matter what, without apology. I have been reading a lot of threads since I started back on this site and it's both sad and amazing. The bitterness of so many people truly makes me sad. First off, no I'm not perfect, my relationship isn't always perfect and neither is my husband, BUT.....I do believe in hard work in a relationship and I believe in true love. I've read so many posts on here about people cheating/getting cheated on and it breaks my heart, but the advice given on this site is sometimes appalling....people either telling other people it's okay to just go fuck someone or to just forgive someone for sleeping around. My husband and I, in my opinion seem to have more of an old fashioned relationship than I had previously believed. We do not invite other people into our relationship, we do not fool around or chat with people on gay dating sites looking for a third, or an orgy, or what have you, and as far as cheating goes, yes we love each other, but if Bryan ever cheated on me our relationship, our marriage would be over and vice versa, because once someone cheats on you all trust is gone and your relationship is over, and if you are inviting other people into your relationship then you shouldn't be together in the first place. You should just remain single and go fuck whoever you want. it bothers me because so many people in the world accuse gay people of not having "real" relationships or "real" marriages, and reading so many post on this forum condoning this kind of behavior makes me realize why they say that. If we are ever going to progress and be taken seriously, we, meaning all of the gay community, are going to have to get our shit together and honestly, grow up a little, learn to commit, and realize that even though we are gay, true love still exists.----Barry
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I can see why you would think it might piss a lot of people off.
Like you, Gideon and I have a very 'traditional' relationship by your definition (regardless of that it's a long distance one). In fact, he is one of the most jealously possessive people I've ever met.... and I have my moments as well. * Clears his throat and hides the icepick from view.*
There are lots of people here who want that kind of relationship and are actively searching for it. There's others that don't. It will take some time to sort that out.
The thing is, this site has a variety of people here, in all stages of life and maturity. In all stages of hope, and jaded hopelessness. That's why there's such a vast variety of perspectives and responses to people's questions.
You can't judge all by a few, yeah? It just doesn't work. Not in life, or online, or in a forum.
It takes some..... acceptance, that people like what they like and want what they want, to find that happy balance in reading (and responding) here. It IS a good community, tho.
If I haven't said it before... welcome to GS. 
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03-29-2015, 07:24 AM
(Edited 03-29-2015, 07:32 AM by MikeW.)
Oh for fucks sake, @Barry.
1: If you're going to comment on other people's posts or opinions, it would be very helpful if you provided links to them so we can see WHO you're talking about, WHAT they are saying and in what CONTEXT they're saying it. Otherwise, all we have are your generalizations and apparent "shock" at such opinions being expressed.
2: Infidelity within marriage is NOT a "Gay" issue. It is a human issue and it has BEEN an issue as long as the concept of monogamous marriage has existed.
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Well Mike....it would take too long to post all the links I've seen this on....and I never said infidelity was a gay issue....it's how the people on this site respond to infidelity.
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I think it is the morally superior judgemental tone that will piss people off.
I don't know what any reader is supposed to do with your post.
I'm glad you have a solid relationship. But please don't think that somehow you are the gold standard for human behaviour.
If someone advises forgiving a partner for cheating, that isn't bitterness.
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You use the word "should" alot...and to go with that thought..what people "should" do is try to live life on their own terms being true to who they are...and not worrying about what other people do or the choices they make.
Straight people don't hate us because we are different...the ones who do hate us...they hate us because we aren't. They might have to see themselves....
...and alot of the people who complain the loudest about infidelity...well...I have noticed something about them as well along the way.....
How much you wanna bet that of the last 50 people in the world who broke their vows (and that would be the last 3.5 seconds in real time).....35 of them were holier than thou and complained about and condemned all the promiscuity in the world. Jimmy Swaggart and Ted Haggard were the poster boys for that..so much we could have learned from them.
I am 29 years in a very happy monogamous relationship...but it isn't built on a foundation of fairy tales and lies. I tried that when I was young...and I learn from my mistakes. That's what mistakes are for...
EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO "CHEATED" TODAY PROMISED NOT TO! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! If they didn't promise fidelity...it would be impossible to "cheat". Out of 100...10 got caught...10 told on themselves...and 80 lie about it 'til the day they die because they don't want to "hurt" their partner...which makes them even bigger liars . The ones who lie do so to protect an image of themself...an image that is now a lie.
I personally have respect for the 10 who told on themselves..and the ones who didn't preach about it get some points from me as well. How can we forget when Clinton cheated the fake outrage from so many of the Republicans and Democrats alike...and they are on record with their outrage...and it has subsequently been found out that one after another WERE DOING THE SAME...AND MUCH WORSE!!! How can ANYONE not learn anything from that???? Seriously!
I say alot that images are dangerous...and this is why they are dangerous. They don't just fool other people...they fool the person who created them...and then they trap them in a prison of their own making.
TRUTH is so much better than any kind of image.
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Strange, that the place I see the most bitterness on GS is in the first post in this thread.
I do not request approval of my relationship from the straights OR gays. I am not going to close my relationship, or do anything else with it, so that it may "be taken seriously". Because I and my partner are the ones living it - nobody else. And the fact that you insist on what relationships "should" be suggests yo're falling into the same trap as the most conservative of Americans. To wit, the thought that the very exostence of my relationship (or any one where two people can't "commit") somehow invalidates yours.
Marriage isn't just for straights. When two men or two women marry, it doesn't affect the marriage of a straight couple at all. Whatever it was before is what it is now.
A guy who is in a gay relationship who cheats, or a guy in an open gay relationship, doesn't affect the relationship of another gay couple at all. What it was before is what it is now.
Lex
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BABs, GS is mostly an advice column for the lovelorn. It rarely has enough people present to create an argument.
"Friendships" develop over time and people become partisan and polarized when relationships fail. In the recent case of Virge's thread, it is only natural people take his side, for example. But, as we all know, we don't have a clue what is going on in another man's life. We only have his account of it. Just as any man is capable of a blind spot, any of us are capable of reading such accounts and seeing it all as black and white.
It's all online. It doesn't really indicate that everyone is that way in three dimensions.
I'd reconsider letting it become your total perception of the members here.
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I truly do not believe that I come off acting like I am better or superior to anyone. This is my take on what I have seen and nothing more. I was in no way trying to say anyone's relationship is right or wrong.....perhaps just not for me. I feel like a lot of the bitterness I have seen on this site comes from the men having been cheated on. I said that I myself have been cheated on, and to call me conservative just goes to show that no one on here knows me that well. Lol I was trying to talk about the overall bitterness in general that I have in fact encountered on this site....such as, the harshness of replies and what I feel in most cases, could be harmful advice. I do not feel that my initial thread is bitter at all, but if that's the way it is to be taken, then so be it. And no, how someone lives their lives doesn't affect my relationship whatsoever, but I do believe how someone lives their lives affects them and how they view the world. Being hurt can change your outlook if you let it. ----Barry
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East Wrote:You use the word "should" alot...and to go with that thought..what people "should" do is try to live life on their own terms being true to who they are...and not worrying about what other people do or the choices they make.
Straight people don't hate us because we are different...the ones who do hate us...they hate us because we aren't. They might have to see themselves....
...and alot of the people who complain the loudest about infidelity...well...I have noticed something about them as well along the way.....
How much you wanna bet that of the last 50 people in the world who broke their vows (and that would be the last 3.5 seconds in real time).....35 of them were holier than thou and complained about and condemned all the promiscuity in the world. Jimmy Swaggart and Ted Haggard were the poster boys for that..so much we could have learned from them.
I am 29 years in a very happy monogamous relationship...but it isn't built on a foundation of fairy tales and lies. I tried that when I was young...and I learn from my mistakes. That's what mistakes are for...
EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO "CHEATED" TODAY PROMISED NOT TO! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! If they didn't promise fidelity...it would be impossible to "cheat". Out of 100...10 got caught...10 told on themselves...and 80 lie about it 'til the day they die because they don't want to "hurt" their partner...which makes them even bigger liars . The ones who lie do so to protect an image of themself...an image that is now a lie.
I personally have respect for the 10 who told on themselves..and the ones who didn't preach about it get some points from me as well. How can we forget when Clinton cheated the fake outrage from so many of the Republicans and Democrats alike...and they are on record with their outrage...and it has subsequently been found out that one after another WERE DOING THE SAME...AND MUCH WORSE!!! How can ANYONE not learn anything from that???? Seriously!
I say alot that images are dangerous...and this is why they are dangerous. They don't just fool other people...they fool the person who created them...and then they trap them in a prison of their own making.
TRUTH is so much better than any kind of image.
on the same note: remember that politician from Idaho---larry craig?
pretty vocal about anti-gay rhetoric, yet was busted for "cruising" in the toilets...hypocrisy and irony in one.
that kind of behavior irks me to no avail! like seriously, if you say one thing and do another, is it really that hard for conviction?
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Bitterness on Gay Speak
