Bitterness on Gay Speak

[princealbertofb]

Maybe it's not fair to edit you that way but when you read them together and see that were all in a single paragraph, perhaps you can understand why people felt you were pontificating and judging

A clever demonstration. @JackBoneTX.

I too wonder whether Barry actually meant "bitter" ....

I also think I might have been one of the people who have said that forgiveness is sometimes the way forward, one that doesn't completely destroy a relationship, that tries to mend it. That's part of the work a couple has to struggle with when the relationship has been jeopardised by an unwise move, but where there is still something to save.

[East]

A clever demonstration. @JackBoneTX.

I too wonder whether Barry actually meant "bitter" ....

I also think I might have been one of the people who have said that forgiveness is sometimes the way forward, one that doesn't completely destroy a relationship, that tries to mend it. That's part of the work a couple has to struggle with when the relationship has been jeopardised by an unwise move, but where there is still something to save.

I am reading this and this lightbulb went on..something that has eluded me for many years.

You see...my and my BF...we rarely fight about anything and have never really had a "big fight"...29 years...and I kinda sometimes think maybe something is wrong with us....

But the lightbulb moment...we both have this quality...we easily forgive each other and we both easily own our shit...which is WHY it is easy to forgive.

I also have this "thing" where if you are "sorry" about something...no need to apologize...just tell me WHY you are sorry...and I am cool....

I also truly "let it go" afterward...I can't think of a single resentment I have at the moment ...

So anyway...thanks PA...I don't think there is anything wrong with us anymore...

[princealbertofb]

I am reading this and this lightbulb went on..something that has eluded me for many years.

You see...my and my BF...we rarely fight about anything and have never really had a "big fight"...29 years...and I kinda sometimes think maybe something is wrong with us....

But the lightbulb moment...we both have this quality...we easily forgive each other and we both easily own our shit...which is WHY it is easy to forgive.

I also have this "thing" where if you are "sorry" about something...no need to apologize...just tell me WHY you are sorry...and I am cool....

I also truly "let it go" afterward...I can't think of a single resentment I have at the moment ...

So anyway...thanks PA...I don't think there is anything wrong with us anymore...

There never was, @East. Thanks for the hug. back.

I also think that forgiving is part of loving in a relationship.

Not harbouring old jealousies or feuds is also a way of not rotting your own life.

I know forgiveness is old hat, but Derek and I don't fight either. We would also probably go with the forgiveness thing, because that's how we can carry on and not lose everything that we've built our relationship around : the similarities, the common likes and dislikes, but also our complementary differences.

[East]

^^^Well..have you heard people say that people who don't fight have something "wrong" with them?...or the other one "It isn't normal"?... I have heard it a lot...and I kinda wondered what was "wrong" with us....for years now. I usually figure that there is some wisdom in most everything so I assumed I was missing something...

.....and now...I don't think that anymore...

I love it when a lightbulb goes on

[princealbertofb]

^^^Well..have you heard people say that people who don't fight have something "wrong" with them?...or the other one "It isn't normal"?... I have heard it a lot...and I kinda wondered what was "wrong" with us....for years now. I usually figure that there is some wisdom in most everything so I assumed I was missing something...

.....and now...I don't think that anymore...

I love it when a lightbulb goes on

Me too....
Yes I have heard these things said. But let's look at it like a couple of track rails, they run parallel and make smooth riding for the train. It does exist.

I've posted a PM for you on something I'd like your opinion about.

[MikeW]

[MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION]t & [MENTION=1766]princealbertofb[/MENTION] … no I concur, you've both hit the bullseye.

I'm not a particularly forgiving person. I harbor some very old unforgiven slights that, although I hardly dwell on them, remain apart of my character. But the reason they do so is because I'm quite certain that the people who perpetrated them have NO CLUE about their culpability and probably never will have. So, although it would be good for me, perhaps, to "forgive and forget," for me its just not possible. Every time I think of this person I get pissed off. So, I just don't think of them.

Now, compare that to my relationship with my father which was truly horrid, emotionally abusive, and occasionally physically abusive. It was not until he was on his death bed (literally) that we had ONE good conversation. By that time I was already nearing 50 years old! But for a few moments we connected. He asked me relevant questions. He told me he loved me no matter what. He apologized for being such an ass… and etc. For this one conversation, this one true act of contrition, I've forgiven him everything and harbor no ill feelings despite, literally, decades of abuse from the man.

So, absolutely, communication is the key here. I can forgive anyone anything (I think), provided I believe they actually OWN THEIR SHIT. This is the key for me. And I'm quite willing to exchange the favor -- lord knows I'm far, far from perfect!

[princealbertofb]

^^^^^^ :biggrin:

[East]

Now, compare that to my relationship with my father which was truly horrid, emotionally abusive, and occasionally physically abusive. It was not until he was on his death bed (literally) that we had ONE good conversation. By that time I was already nearing 50 years old! But for a few moments we connected. He asked me relevant questions. He told me he loved me no matter what. He apologized for being such an ass… and etc. For this one conversation, this one true act of contrition, I've forgiven him everything and harbor no ill feelings despite, literally, decades of abuse from the man.

So, absolutely, communication is the key here. I can forgive anyone anything (I think), provided I believe they actually OWN THEIR SHIT. This is the key for me. And I'm quite willing to exchange the favor -- lord knows I'm far, far from perfect!

That's it ...right there [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION] ....when someone owns their shit..it is easy to forgive them....

I think it truly IS the key....and same with an actual apology...when it means something and they explain WHY they are sorry...also easy to forgive....

I TRY to forgive the assholes in life...even if they don't know it...I do it for me...but it is NOT as easy...

[East]

Me too....
Yes I have heard these things said. But let's look at it like a couple of track rails, they run parallel and make smooth riding for the train. It does exist.

I've posted a PM for you on something I'd like your opinion about.

Done...and I added to your thread...

[princealbertofb]

^^^I know, I've been following what you've said. Thanks you, [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION].