What's Wrong With Me (Only Wanting Hookups)

[pooldrops5]

I am a 27-year-old guy living in Florida. Professional job, educated, good family, and (from what others say) pretty decent looking.

A bit concerned because for the past year or more I have had little to no interest in making friends, going on dates or initiating hang outs. In general, the idea of it all seems a bit boring.

My concerns thickens, because what I am in fact ALWAYS interested in is having sexual encounters. I'm on Grindr constantly trying to find safe hook ups. Lots of guys have asked to go on a date. That never seems appealing to me. My mind just kinda says, "waste of time".
I seem to never want to let myself invest in people because I feel like somehow I'll end up getting hurt (I'm a very sensitive guy).

I've always been one to want instant gratification. I really dislike that about myself. While I'm a very amicable and caring person face to face, friendships have never been my strong point. While I'm upbeat and friendly I'm also very sarcastic and have dry humor. People often think I'm a bitch. I have over 1,000 Facebook friends and hang out with none of them. Just wonderful photo comments and birthday wishes. On a normal day, I hear from no one and do things by myself (and I've been emotionally ok with that....in the past I wouldn't have been).

I never had a true super "slutty period" in life. I've always fooled around with guys, but never aggressively went seeking it like I'm doing now.

Is there something wrong with me that I need to address promptly? Am I just a sign of the times? Is this just a phase that will pass? Hormones perhaps?

[lolyypop123]

So first off, there's nothing wrong with you. Now that we've gotten that out of the way I can explain whats actually going on.

First of all you have to understand that sexuality is a very complicated and difficult thing to understand. And we, as humans, try to understand everything so we have broken down sexuality into two basic categories: Romantic attraction and sexual attraction.

Romantic attraction is the lovey dovey romantic stuff. Essentially think of any affection that is physical that doesn't involve sex. This includes hugging kissing romantic displays of affection.

Sexual attraction is self explanatory. Its the hardcore sex wanting part of humans. Its the kissing, but a different type of kissing.

So you have probably heard of the term, "asexual" which means not feeling any attraction towards anyone. But since sexuality is broken up into two aspects there is the other aspect that can be affected by asexuality. Aromanticism to be exact.

If you are aromantic, you feel sexual attraction towards people, but any romantic attraction just isn't there. You do not want a relationship, and there's nothing wrong with that. (You might also be demiromantic, meaning you require a strong emotional bond to someone before you can feel attraction romantically towards them)

The most important thing for you to remember though, is that there's nothing wrong with you. Too often we try and force our self into labels and end up getting scared when something doesn't fit. We label our self's as broken, or damaged, when in reality, we are just us. So go forward and embrace your personality. Believe it or not, this isn't that rare. You're not alone.

- Hope this helped,
Jordan

[East]

There is nothing wrong with you. I always looked for sexual hookups and had no interest in dating anyone....and in my slutty phases...I really went for it.

I definitely agree with you in thinking dates are a waste of time. To add to that...they are way too much work. When I did "date" (if you even want to call it that)...I would put my worst foot forward...I just hate the process of dating and the stupid lies people tell each other and themselves....

My reasoning for hating dates...I like things to be what they are and I didn't want to pretend anything in order to get laid....and I didn't....

BUT...bad/good news....depends I guess...that doesn't mean a relationship might not happen...it certainly can....even if you do everything you can to avoid it. I really liked my alone time periods of my life.....a lot....

In my experience...most relationships come to people who aren't looking for one....ironic...eh?

[MikeW]

I am a 27-year-old guy living in Florida. Professional job, educated, good family, and (from what others say) pretty decent looking.

A bit concerned because for the past year or more I have had little to no interest in making friends, going on dates or initiating hang outs. In general, the idea of it all seems a bit boring.

Hi, welcome to the forum. Sorry it took a few days for people to reply to your question. But as you see, so far none of us think there is anything wrong with you. Doesn't sound like it, anyway. Could this be a "sign of the times"... maybe. Could it be a phase you're going through, yeah, probably. I've gone through so many phases in my life I've lost track. Unlike you, I'm not into hookups but, like you, I'm not all that interested in meeting people, or even hanging out with IRL friends. But I certainly haven't always been like this and who knows what may happen in the future? I think [MENTION=22694]lolyypop123[/MENTION] 's point about how we divide sex up into romantic attraction and sexual attraction is a good one.

For me the bottom line is this: If YOU feel comfortable with yourself, the way you are, and if what you're doing and how you're doing it isn't negatively impacting the rest of your life (like your job and other responsibilities) then, well, it is what it is. OTH, if you are feeling uncomfortable with yourself in some way, not trusting your own motives for what you're doing, and *especially* if what you're doing is becoming SO obsessive/compulsive that it is preventing you from having an enjoyable life.... well... now that's something else. That's worth looking into and exploring. For that you may need some outside professional counseling or therapy -- or at the very least some "change of pace" that gets you out of a habit.

[phillyboy1234]

Just curious, but when did you fully come out?

I think that many guys sleep around during their early lives. What exactly they do...Idk. But the point is that I think most guys figure out their sexual appetites first and then start realizing what else they want. For many this time period would be high school and college. Most gays, on the other hand, spend at least a part of this time figuring out who they are, and I think eventually they need time to make up for it. So if all of your straight friends are hooking up at 16, and you spend two years figuring out who and what you like, and you come out at 18, they have already had two years to sample their sexual likes and dislikes where as you have spent it dabbling, mostly wondering what to do with your sexual life. It's not a universal truth, but a thought.

[Lexington]

I don't think there's anything wrong with what's going on. It might be a bit disconcerting if you feel such a disconnect from people that (say) you immediately get up, get dressed, and run out post-orgasm during your hook-ups. But as long as you're being civil, and they're enjoying them as much as you, then I don't see any issue at all with what you're doing . Some people just really enjoy their own company more than the company of others.

Lex

[trywait]

aint nothing wrong with hooking up with another consenting adult. just be you and always play safe.

when you want something more than a hookup, don't force it either. like what east said, it'll happen when you least expect it.

and that is the best kine! unexpectedly!

[verysimple]

You're a guy, you're young and horny.. Not labeling just stating the facts like most of us are. Not wanting a relationship is a phase.. Relationships come spontaneously without expecting them or planning for them.. I did try to do dates and plan to establish a relationship with someone... I gotta tell ya, It is desperate then I just let go... I let life take me wherever the hell it wants to because the bitch she is, she doesn't like us to do things our way sometimes.. She just wants to have somethings done her way. Hence, I gave up my love life to her.. What you should do, is not think about it twice.. Just let go and enjoy the ride... If you feel, feel. If you don't then that's fine. It wasn't meant to be. Enjoy it while you can and you never know what might come out of it!

[cestmoi77]

Not sure I understand the problem, you seem to fit the mould of a lot of gay guys I know in fact I'd say guys NOT wanting hookups are unusual.....