Coming out to relatives...
04-04-2015, 12:41 AM
chibigiraffe Wrote:Well, i did it. The responses were like "we love you but not the sin" stuff. One even "dared" me to go on a fast for 30 days, asking God for help. I didn't want to tell her that I wasn't a Christian anymore and I suckered into "giving God another chance". Apparently the 10+ years of praying and begging for god's help before wasn't enough for him, he needed 30 more days. I don't even know if I'm actually gonna go through with this fast.
But I feel so relieved and I'm glad to at least know where everybody stands on the ("non-" really) issue.
(((BIG HUGS)))
My parents are very religious (which can be VERY nerve racking since my dad is Catholic and my mother is Jewish), and I was literally terrified to tell them how I was feeling about my sexuality when I was your age. "Luckily", my ex-wife solved the problem of coming out to them by telling ALL of my reletives for me! What a sweetheart, right?
Anyway, all the time I was worried about it, I was most concerned about telling my father bc he has always been a very vocal person and very very homophobic. My mother on the other hand, had always been sort of an advocate for me to my dad ("He is just artistic", "He is just sensitive"ect...), so I worried less about her finding out. My sister, who is 14 years younger than myself, was never a worry, as she was a vocal as my dad and has always been very pro-gay.
Turns out that my perception of my parents was TOTALLY off. My dad, though he didn't look too happy about it, told me he loved me no matter what (which is the height of irony since he was very abusive to me as a child--he always said, after a beating, that he was just trying to "toughen me up"). My mother, however....*woof*, she LOST IT. She alternated between "You are NOT gay, you are CONFUSED", "You only feel this way because of the way your abusive wife used you", and "You just doing this to hurt ME!).
When I FINALLY convinced her that it was NOT a phase, we entered the "You are going to Hell" stage... She and I didn't speak for 3 years, until she called me in the middle of the night crying, telling me that she loved me and wanted me in her life....as long as we just didn't talk about it. I went along with this for a few years, but it just didn't work. I felt like I was back in the closet anytime I was with her or even when we were just talking on the phone. It all finally came to a head when I moved closer to my parents home and bought a house ~20 miles away. One day she came over unannounced and came face to face with my (then) boyfriend. Nothing untoward, he and I were just BBQing, but it REALLY upset her. I just told her the truth: if you cannot accept me as I am, then we really shouldn't spend anymore time together. She cried and left....but about a week later she came back over and said that she would rather accept me as a gay man than to not have me in her life at all.
Fast forward 10 years, and if you saw us all together you would think they had always been accepting. They LOVE my husband and are eagerly waiting and hoping for another grandchild (my husband and I are planning our second attempt at surrogacy in July).
I have seen, heard of, and read about coming out stories where it went WAY worse than my own, and I have seen, heard of, and read about coming out stories where it was a complete non-issue. Sadly, there is no way to know which kind of reaction you will get until you actually do it....and you cannot take it back once it is done. Never the less, coming out was undoubtedly the best thing that could have happened!
There is no greater feeling than living authentically. When you live YOUR TRUTH, then you can begin to live truthfully in all the areas of your life, and that is genuinely priceless.
Congratulations on taking this most-important-step into your future!
I wish you All the Best,
~Beaux
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