Love compromised

[ironboard]

Have you ever felt that you compromised to be with someone?

I love my boyfriend, but when I look around, I see some people better looking than him. But, of course, those people are out of my league, so I am staying with my boyfriend because I feel that we are at the same level in terms of attractiveness.

I wonder how people can say that I love him the most (in terms of appearance)?
Are they with someone of their dreams?
When those people look at other good-looking people, they never wish they would be with that good looking person and feel a bit depressed being with your current boyfriend?

I think my problem is that I love my boyfriend and he is the right one for me.
But I don't know if I can say that I love him the most.
I feel like I don't have that feeling of “crazy in love” or “love of my life” for him.
(Maybe it faded after a few years. We’ve been together for 5 years).

And, when this feeling of compromised to be with my love comes in, how should I process it in my head?

Thank you in advance.

[CarGuy65]

Wow! You must be young! My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. When you get to be our age, you can't be picky on looks. Even though I think my boyfriend in gorgeous, to me, we connect on sooo many different levels. We connect mostly on an intellectual,, creative level and our own personal values and are not so focused on appearance (except my hair has to look great before I leave the house).
Do you and your boyfriend connect on other levels other than appearance. In time looks will fade (as well as body parts moving south!)

[Gideon]

Before I met Twist, no matter who I was with, I always felt like there was still something missing. I was always still on the lookout for that perfect someone. Always waiting for that one to come along who just turned my head and left me "wow'd".

It was probably a sucky thing to feel and not at all fair to who I was with at the time, but it's true, even if I didn't realize I was doing it at the time. And I didn't realize I was doing it until I found -The ONE-

When I hooked up with Twist, from the first moment, he wow'd me. At first I couldn't believe I'd gotten so lucky to find someone who's gorgeous and smart and talented, who has such a huge heart and such a beautiful soul. And then, slowly, I realized that I wasn't doing that anymore...I wasn't looking, I wasn't waiting for my prince charming to come along...I'd found him.

I can honestly say I am -completely- content, satisfied. He made me whole and as corny as that might sound, it's true. I have no desire to look anymore, I -know- I have the most beautiful man on earth...inside and out. And everyone should be envious of that. Not just cause he's gorgeous, but because -I- found it. I'm the lucky bastard who he's in love with.

*Grins*

[meridannight]

oh for fuck's sake, you don't love appearances. you love a MAN. who he is.

good looks has its value, of course. but it's also highly subjective how anybody defines it or what they find good-looking (i have had so many instances where some guy was thought of as good-looking by most people, and i couldn't figure out what exactly the appeal was).

and, in my experience, once i develop an emotional connection to a guy i start seeing him as physically beautiful, even when i previously did not do so (i have had it happen twice). and i couldn't believe it when it first happened. the guy had been completely plain-looking (or maybe i just didn't look hard enough), and then i was in love with him and he was one of the most beautiful men i'd ever seen. he still is. his beauty was not obvious, it was a more subtle kind, but it was definitely there and i couldn't believe i'd missed it at first glance.

[TwisttheLeaf]

*Goes all squishy inside as he reads [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION]'s post*

[Iceblink]

And, when this feeling of compromised to be with my love comes in, how should I process it in my head?

Since your idea of love you are discussing here seems to be about a persons good looks, let me play along with that for a minute. You say the people you find more attractive than your boyfriend are out of your league and that you two are "at the same level in terms of attractiveness." So I guess you should process it in your head that you did not "compromise." You got what you have to give. Should these guys "out of your league" compromise to be with you?

Your entire presentation here of talking about love is based on appearance. You've decided you love other people more than your boyfriend based on their appearance. That's not my idea of love. The physical attractiveness of these guys does not make them more romantic, better in bed, better kissers, better at thinking of cute little nicknames for their sweetheart. It doesn't make them more thoughtful or have a better outlook on life, and so much more. Take a little bit of time to list the qualities your boyfriend has that makes you say you love him. And then take some time to list the qualities of these guys you say you love more and when you do that, make it the actual things you know about them, not the things you might imagine accompany their good looks. It might give you some perspective on what is really important.

[East]

...."out of my league" and "better looking" are bad traps to fall into. Untrain your mind ...you have been brainwashed since birth to love "images of beauty" instead of ACTUAL beauty.

It is also normal to be attracted to other men sexually...it has nothing to do with love...lust would be more like it.

Deprogram your mind if you can now while you are young....it can be done. If you find yourself "rating men" ...stop. It isn't healthy for you if you say you love your BF and you are a perfect fit....

[Pyromancer]

When I first read this, it disturbed me a lot. How can you claim to love your BF when everything you say makes it clear that you're just settling for what you think is the best you can do?

When I say that I love my BF, it has everything to do with the man that he is...I love the way that he looks, but looks alone pretty much mean nothing. I can't get past the fact that you think YOU'RE compromising...it sounds like he's the one compromising, settling for a man who doesn't think he's the center of the universe...IDK, I'm just sputtering here...sorry, the damn post just really pissed me off...

[Borg69]

I see no rational way of answering this question.

[TwisttheLeaf]

When I first read this, it disturbed me a lot. How can you claim to love your BF when everything you say makes it clear that you're just settling for what you think is the best you can do?

When I say that I love my BF, it has everything to do with the man that he is...I love the way that he looks, but looks alone pretty much mean nothing. I can't get past the fact that you think YOU'RE compromising...it sounds like he's the one compromising, settling for a man who doesn't think he's the center of the universe...IDK, I'm just sputtering here...sorry, the damn post just really pissed me off...

I felt very similar [MENTION=22470]Pyromancer[/MENTION], which is why I held back so long from commenting. I wanted to get some perspective from others, and Gideon helped me to see that perspective.

I honestly have never tried to be monogamous until [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION], so I have a hard time seeing any reason why someone would be with someone else if they felt they were compromising to be with them.

The way the OP phrases the question makes it appear extremely superficial. Not love at all, nor a seeking of love. Just the immaturity of one's head being turned by every pretty bauble and face out there.
[MENTION=22677]ironboard[/MENTION] Maybe you need to consider your BF isn't "the one" for you. Maybe you need to consider you're not ready to settle down yet at all.