My boyfriend would never initiate sex.
04-16-2015, 03:56 AM
I'm going to be the odd man here and say that age most likely is the underlying issue.
Not only does he hail from a different era (sure we had sex, on the Q.T. more often than not, definitely didn't flaunt it) - but also the body starts doing odd things - like getting old. Many guys around age 40 suddenly find their interest in sex is dropping. This is largely due to the natural reduction of testosterone that takes place around age 30 - it takes about a decade of slow, steady decline until we realize that we ain't always thinking about sex all the time.
As for who initiates - that may be a power/control thing. I suspect from what you wrote in your post that you are the bottom and he is the top - never know, he may have old fashioned ideas about who initiates sex in a relationship based on role. Much like it has been the general rule that in straight relationships its up to the man to initiate, and the wife to submit. He is old enough to still be a product of this earlier 'traditional' way of thinking.
The fact that he broke up with you over the issue brings to mind many other potential issues here. Such as he has an ED issue and is in denial - or that he may have been abused way long ago and having his partner initiate may take him back to that place where he had no power/control.
So there is a good cause to wonder if this sex thing isn't a medical type problem not a personality issue.
The only solution - healthy solution - is communication. However it may be difficult to impossible for him to communicate depending on the situation. Men who get ED tend to become 'weird' - males place way to much importance on their penis.
People who have been molested or sexually abused often can't talk about it, even thinking about it brings up way to much shit to where they work very hard to never think about it ever again.
IF where he is at is one of these places, he most likely will not ever tell you. And, sadly, at his age he most likely will never actually seek professional help until the condition(s) are far worse. And with the way he has been treating you and so willing to shove you out the door over sex, I fear that 'far worse' means well after you and he have gone your separate ways.
Not only does he hail from a different era (sure we had sex, on the Q.T. more often than not, definitely didn't flaunt it) - but also the body starts doing odd things - like getting old. Many guys around age 40 suddenly find their interest in sex is dropping. This is largely due to the natural reduction of testosterone that takes place around age 30 - it takes about a decade of slow, steady decline until we realize that we ain't always thinking about sex all the time.
As for who initiates - that may be a power/control thing. I suspect from what you wrote in your post that you are the bottom and he is the top - never know, he may have old fashioned ideas about who initiates sex in a relationship based on role. Much like it has been the general rule that in straight relationships its up to the man to initiate, and the wife to submit. He is old enough to still be a product of this earlier 'traditional' way of thinking.
The fact that he broke up with you over the issue brings to mind many other potential issues here. Such as he has an ED issue and is in denial - or that he may have been abused way long ago and having his partner initiate may take him back to that place where he had no power/control.
So there is a good cause to wonder if this sex thing isn't a medical type problem not a personality issue.
The only solution - healthy solution - is communication. However it may be difficult to impossible for him to communicate depending on the situation. Men who get ED tend to become 'weird' - males place way to much importance on their penis.
People who have been molested or sexually abused often can't talk about it, even thinking about it brings up way to much shit to where they work very hard to never think about it ever again.
IF where he is at is one of these places, he most likely will not ever tell you. And, sadly, at his age he most likely will never actually seek professional help until the condition(s) are far worse. And with the way he has been treating you and so willing to shove you out the door over sex, I fear that 'far worse' means well after you and he have gone your separate ways.
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