I'm the result of rape...

[Anonymous]

I just want to vent and tell everything I have inside right now. I don't really have anyone else to talk to and luckily I have at least this forum. So today I had a fight with my mother and suddenly she said I should be happy I'm here today because I was conceived when she was raped. She had never told me this before but today she told me to be grateful she gave birth to me because she could have chosen the other option ( abortion).
I feel so bad now I don't know where to begin. I've never had a dad, my mother never talked about him but I thought a lot about what he could be like. Now I know that this "dad" was probably some ugly, disgusting asshole who forced himself onto my mum. I've always hated rapists and it's hard to realize that I've came from one. I feel like I shouldn't have been born at all. My mum probably never wanted me and I can't blame her for that. And yet she has always cared for me and given me all the best and she has told me I'm the best son she could wish for. But I bet just my presence alone reminds her about that horrible event every day. It's hard to know that my existence is a result of a crime. I would like to kill that "daddy" with my own hands so that he couldn't hurt any more women. I don't know what my life will be like now when I know everything. I'm ashamed to even go out of my room and look my mother in the eyes.

[MikeW]

Well, telling you, even if she was angry at the time, was a fucked up thing for your mother to do.

Try to keep all this in perspective. For sure she loves you, even if you're both on each other's nerves at the moment. This, too, shall pass.

Beyond that, what does this have to do with YOU, exactly? How are you any different NOW than you were before you knew this? Answer = 0 ; you're just the same as before its just that you now "know" something (have a thought in your head) that wasn't there before.

So it really all boils down to that thought and how that thought is making you feel right now. It's just a thought and the reaction to that thought... YOU are who you are -- and our DNA doesn't make us who we are. Yeah, for sure, it plays a role; but it does NOT determine "who we are" -- the quality of our being. THAT is up to us.

So, careful how far down this road you go. I can understand it is a shock and something you're going to have to adjust to knowing but, still, bottom line you are now who you were before you had this through in your head.

[Borg69]

We all like to think we came into this world in some kind of romanticized, ideal, loving situation... unfortunately that's not always the case, and unfortunately humans are still very much animalistic and some cannot control their urges and force themselves on others. That's not to say that you are any less important than anyone else. It's not how to get out the starting gate, it's how you cross the finish line.

I'm sure what your mother said was in some kind of poor choice frustration/fit of anger that she didn't mean... or at least didn't mean 100%. What she went through was quite an ordeal in itself, and I'm sure she's been compromised and conflicted emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I want to believe things will fine again between my mum and me. She has always been good with me and today I crossed the line too.

I know I have nothing to do with how I was conceived but that makes me think of myself as a bad person. I mean, I probably have some of that monster genes as well.

[Borg69]

You are more than the sum of his parts, plus you lack his influences with him not being in your life.

Heinous crimes aren't inherited, and you're not responsible for the sins of your "father"... although calling him a "father" is giving him more credit than he deserves. Life isn't black and white... sometimes mistakes, accidents, and bad things can lead to good things.

[MikeW]

...I probably have some of that monster genes as well....

Lets drop the word "monster" and acknowledge that you have within you the genes of a man for whom you have no respect.

Very well. You DO realize that the majority of us walking around have within us the GENES not only of rapists but FAR, FAR worse? True, our immediate patronage may not have been *anything* remarkable at all. But when you go back through time (and one need not go back all that far, really) you very quickly come to ages FAR more brutal and savage than we live in. Just think of how many native americans were killed by the original settlers of this nation... Think about how many wars have ravaged Europe through the centuries and the atrocities committed in the name of the potentates that orchestrated them. One can keep going back as far as one wants... the fact is the GENES we all cary CAME FROM people who lied, cheated, raped, robed, stole, murdered, and did who knows what.

That's just part of the human condition and this is why it makes NO difference. There is no "gene" for being a rapist -- or even being a bad person, which you are not.

So, you need to stop torturing yourself with this kind of thinking ASAP. It is irrational, unhealthy and self-abusive. You have my sympathy regarding this event finding out the way you have, but you need to begin right now to pull yourself out of this "I feel like a bad person" bunk. That's all it is, bunk, so cut it out.

[matty7]

I cant say it any better than Mike , you are hopefully going to live a long life and you are going to make that life as your own man with your own set of rules good or bad .....but it is you that will be the man you are...not your genes

[Anonymous]

The advice from others here is good.

... she could have chosen the other option ( abortion)...

Sounds like she chose to have you -- that should make some difference to you.

[JCasey]

My birth was the result of a date rape, but my birth mother loved me enough to allow me to be born, and give me up for adoption when she realized she was too young to care for me. I was raised in a loving environment by an adopted family. Even though she made the statements she did, it sounds like you had a decent childhood as well.

Sex made you, love made you who you are. :-)

[meridannight]

Yes, I want to believe things will fine again between my mum and me. She has always been good with me and today I crossed the line too.

I know I have nothing to do with how I was conceived but that makes me think of myself as a bad person. I mean, I probably have some of that monster genes as well.

you also have your mother's genes.

but it was really low of her to say something like that to you. i mean, even if it was through rape, we are all here because our mothers didn't abort us. every one of us. any mother could throw that into her child's face, but that's not how things stand. people have kids because they want them. if they don't want kids they shouldn't have any. it's on them to make the right call. kids don't owe their life to their parents. we are not indebted to them for this.

beating yourself up for something you had no control over whatsoever is pointless.

and in my opinion, your mother doesn't sound such a great person. that was a cheap shot to pull. what the hell is the matter with her?