Hatred, Fire, Addiction
Aries
04-08-2015, 01:29 AM
I always feel comfortable telling on here another story of my 18 years on hostile territory, also known as Lebanon. Hopefully these years will soon fade away in the past as memories that will forever lose all their meanings, and this moment is about 4 months from now... But before I get out of the Enemy's Land, I need to share these last useless memories with you guys, including the present I'm living right now.
This is where it all ends, for a new beginning...
This won’t be a timeline from my youth, so I’ll just start with the fact that I’m currently removing the Robot from my flesh. It is the Robot I used to kill my heart and replace it with a metallic board, which has been capable of devastating my enemies during all those years. Until I started dismantling the pieces of that machine, it made me both awesome and vicious, but deprived of any warm feelings. However I knew I wasn't capable of being such a heartless person, because that isn't me, never was me, and will never be me again. I’ll make sure of it.
And as for now, the only reason that led me to grow inside of me all the warm emotions and affection I never had, is that every single person who had a part in taking away these treasures are currently being punished for the rest of their miserable lives.
I’ll put aside the old bullies who paid their success for harshly bullying me as a young teen; guess I had literally stabbed one with cold blood, and he was a friend too. Since then, I’ve always known how to control people’s doubt on my sexuality, until I learned how to cleverly come out 5 months ago with no potential harm.
My childhood… I don’t know how many times I cried on it, but I don’t anymore. The lonely fact that 8 years of it were stolen caused the long cycle of destruction between me and the guilty. My father took away my childhood, so I made sure he’ll be suffering for the rest of his pathetic life. I took away the last woman he could ever love and feel safe with after my mother ran away, which brought back his depression that led him to a long-term disease… I have no compassion for him.
Payback is a bitch. The psychiatrist who ruined most of my youth got arrested a few days ago.
The affection I never had… my mother will always feel the guilt and pain she inflicted upon my emotions. She demolished them, and every single day now she’s regretting it… I have no compassion for her.
I was locked up my entire childhood, and my teenage years were spent on avenging myself. Fortunately all of this is about to end…
But what all these people caused, the emptiness I felt with bitter tears and madness, will be killing them slowly, painfully, until somebody naive finds their dead bodies thrown on the streets, and then digs up their graves. I won’t even know what happened, nor will I waste a single spit on their filthiness.
The first person to ever hug me was my male friend when I was 16. The hug was so deep and warm, and I remember the sensation was so beautiful… We then kind of grew feelings for each other, but they didn't last long.
Despite everything that happened, I don’t feel any more jealousy of my friends, nor remorse when I watch TV shows for young kids. Yes, much stuff can remind me of my lost childhood, but nothing can make me regret it. I avenged the years I was locked up; although I know they will never come back. But my youth isn't finished, and I have so many ambitions to fulfill.
Now for a bit of what’s in the present…
Hatred >> I kind of kept its traces inside me, because there was a time when I got used to it. Sometimes now I guess it is what drives me to be a better person…
Fire >> I chose to turn this weapon of destruction to the warmth I give when I hug my friends
Addiction >> I love my addiction to my style of guys, and the funny way I keep looking out for them, or chasing them to the end of the Earth
I think there’s more I have to add later in this thread. In the meantime, thank you for taking the time to read it all
This is where it all ends, for a new beginning...
This won’t be a timeline from my youth, so I’ll just start with the fact that I’m currently removing the Robot from my flesh. It is the Robot I used to kill my heart and replace it with a metallic board, which has been capable of devastating my enemies during all those years. Until I started dismantling the pieces of that machine, it made me both awesome and vicious, but deprived of any warm feelings. However I knew I wasn't capable of being such a heartless person, because that isn't me, never was me, and will never be me again. I’ll make sure of it.
And as for now, the only reason that led me to grow inside of me all the warm emotions and affection I never had, is that every single person who had a part in taking away these treasures are currently being punished for the rest of their miserable lives.
I’ll put aside the old bullies who paid their success for harshly bullying me as a young teen; guess I had literally stabbed one with cold blood, and he was a friend too. Since then, I’ve always known how to control people’s doubt on my sexuality, until I learned how to cleverly come out 5 months ago with no potential harm.
My childhood… I don’t know how many times I cried on it, but I don’t anymore. The lonely fact that 8 years of it were stolen caused the long cycle of destruction between me and the guilty. My father took away my childhood, so I made sure he’ll be suffering for the rest of his pathetic life. I took away the last woman he could ever love and feel safe with after my mother ran away, which brought back his depression that led him to a long-term disease… I have no compassion for him.
Payback is a bitch. The psychiatrist who ruined most of my youth got arrested a few days ago.
The affection I never had… my mother will always feel the guilt and pain she inflicted upon my emotions. She demolished them, and every single day now she’s regretting it… I have no compassion for her.
I was locked up my entire childhood, and my teenage years were spent on avenging myself. Fortunately all of this is about to end…
But what all these people caused, the emptiness I felt with bitter tears and madness, will be killing them slowly, painfully, until somebody naive finds their dead bodies thrown on the streets, and then digs up their graves. I won’t even know what happened, nor will I waste a single spit on their filthiness.
The first person to ever hug me was my male friend when I was 16. The hug was so deep and warm, and I remember the sensation was so beautiful… We then kind of grew feelings for each other, but they didn't last long.
Despite everything that happened, I don’t feel any more jealousy of my friends, nor remorse when I watch TV shows for young kids. Yes, much stuff can remind me of my lost childhood, but nothing can make me regret it. I avenged the years I was locked up; although I know they will never come back. But my youth isn't finished, and I have so many ambitions to fulfill.
Now for a bit of what’s in the present…
Hatred >> I kind of kept its traces inside me, because there was a time when I got used to it. Sometimes now I guess it is what drives me to be a better person…
Fire >> I chose to turn this weapon of destruction to the warmth I give when I hug my friends
Addiction >> I love my addiction to my style of guys, and the funny way I keep looking out for them, or chasing them to the end of the Earth
I think there’s more I have to add later in this thread. In the meantime, thank you for taking the time to read it all
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Gemini
Capricorn
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Sagittarius
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