In pursuit of some honest advice/opinions

[JohnSomebody]

Hey Guys:

I would greatly like your opinion on this: I've been visiting this certain social network just for browsing and seeing and reading what people are up to in their lives. There is this one guy in particular who is very handsome, nice body and somewhat narcissistic. The thing is that when we chat, we do not discuss anything specific. The chat is basically sexual and very little about anything in general about each other personally. A few times....I have put emphasis on this and try to discuss a few things about my life in general...but he always changes the chat back to sex. Honestly, from these few chats..I know that all he is interested in is having sex with me. The problem is that he does not live in my town and stays thousand miles away. (I don't understand why I always get contacts from guys who live in other states and yet...want to travel to me to have sex...!). This would be something to consider if he lived here in my city...but I have to say that I do question why he is so willing to travel to me. Honestly, I do find myself somewhat attracted to his sexual personality ...but not enough to say come visit me because I do not know him and because I do not know him...I am not the type of guy that feels it okay to bring him into my personal life. However, to be honest, what really concerns me about this guy is that he loves to post nude pictures of himself constantly throughout the day on a daily basis. He has been reported for them and yet…he tends to keep posting them regardless of the complaints. Also, like I’ve mentioned, he’s very handsome and I can’t help but wonder why he is single and why he does not date? I’ve assumed this because of all the time that he waste posting naked pictures of himself, you would think that if he had someone in his life that he would not have time for this behavior. To a certain degree, this can be a turn off especially if someone did show some kind of interest in him and not just on a sex only level.

Nonetheless, we have exchanged nude pictures of each other which is also something that I RARELY...do. Although I know he is very attracted to me...he tends to have an issue with me being a private person and also..believe it or not..I am somewhat shy until I get comfortable being in your company. Honestly...my problem is that if I am attracted to you and you approach me in a very sexual manner...I am honest to reveal to you that I am a VERY SEXUAL FREAK!!!...just being honest...I told him this and when he saw my pictures..he came to the conclusion that I am pretending to be the shy person that I'm not and even blasted me on the social network site with an animated post but did not mentioned my name. I knew the post was referring to me because of the chat we had in this regard.

OK..the thing is ..he stopped speaking to me for a few days and today ...he contacted me because I gave him some constructive and helpful advice to something that he was going through. He then brought up the topic of him visiting me. However, what threw me for a loop was when he mentioned that in another breath that he was not in a rush to meet me but during waiting for me to make up my mind...he may get involved with someone and that would cause a problem with him ever getting together with me. I replied that I understood but the same could happen with me. NOW...with all that being said...what do you guys think of this???...Thanks in advance for your responses....

P.S. Also...I would like to add that a couple of weeks ago...he contacted me and mentioned that he likes me ..but he does not know me and that is something that he would like if we got to know each other better and yet...since that chat...he has asked me several times already...when our we going to meet. This is what compelled me to share this with the forum

[MikeW]

This guy has problems. If you want anything other than sex, I'd be wary. Danger! Heartbreak and drama dead ahead!

[Lexington]

Honestly, this doesn't sound too unfamiliar to me. Not that I'm the guy on the other end here. There aren't many naked photos of me out there, for instance. But I have gotten to know guys online where our "relationship" is somewhere between "friendly" and "sexual". And I've sometimes put it out there that if we were to end up in the same town, I'd love to get together and have sex if they were up for it. Most of these have been "if it comes to pass" sort of things, and even those I've met, only a couple have ended up with us in bed. And only once have I deliberately gone to visit somebody mainly to have sex with him. (That one was amazing, by the way.) So although the situation isn't exactly the same, I can at least say I've been vaguely in this other guy's position.

When I talk to somebody in this realm, I often talk about "when we meet up". Why? It turns the heat up. It moves things from pure fantasy ("wouldn't it be neat if we could do this...") to potential reality ("when we meet up, I'd love to do this..."). That doesn't mean I'm insistent on meeting, or actively checking flight schedules. It's just nudging the fantasy closer to reality. If the money and scheduling all work out, and the other guy really wants to, then sure - I'll probably go for it. But most of the time, I'm just enjoying the potential reality, which is better than pure fantasy.

If I had to guess, your friend is in the same spot. He's enjoying the "potential reality" of meeting up with you and having sex. And yeah, if everything aligns, he probably would like to.

Lex

[JohnSomebody]

This guy has problems. If you want anything other than sex, I'd be wary. Danger! Heartbreak and drama dead ahead!

Thank you MikeW for your reply to my post...I have to say that I tend to agree more so with what you've mentioned because I am still having issues with the fact that for this guy to be so handsome...why he has to post daily nude pictures on the social media site and why he doesn't have someone or dates lined up in his personal life?...I had mentioned to him that I am being highly considered for a huge promotion at my place of employment and my boss has referred me to work on several special projects that would escalate this particular promotion. I mentioned this to him when he started to push me about him coming to meet me. About a couple of hours ago, he posted a message stating that I need to hurry up and finish these projects because if I don't he will move forward with pursuing a relationship with someone else which is fine with me...but this statement did somewhat annoy me because here in my city...I don't have problems getting dates or being pursued. Sorry to be so long-winded..but thanks again...JS

[JohnSomebody]

Honestly, this doesn't sound too unfamiliar to me. Not that I'm the guy on the other end here. There aren't many naked photos of me out there, for instance. But I have gotten to know guys online where our "relationship" is somewhere between "friendly" and "sexual". And I've sometimes put it out there that if we were to end up in the same town, I'd love to get together and have sex if they were up for it. Most of these have been "if it comes to pass" sort of things, and even those I've met, only a couple have ended up with us in bed. And only once have I deliberately gone to visit somebody mainly to have sex with him. (That one was amazing, by the way.) So although the situation isn't exactly the same, I can at least say I've been vaguely in this other guy's position.

When I talk to somebody in this realm, I often talk about "when we meet up". Why? It turns the heat up. It moves things from pure fantasy ("wouldn't it be neat if we could do this...") to potential reality ("when we meet up, I'd love to do this..."). That doesn't mean I'm insistent on meeting, or actively checking flight schedules. It's just nudging the fantasy closer to reality. If the money and scheduling all work out, and the other guy really wants to, then sure - I'll probably go for it. But most of the time, I'm just enjoying the potential reality, which is better than pure fantasy.

If I had to guess, your friend is in the same spot. He's enjoying the "potential reality" of meeting up with you and having sex. And yeah, if everything aligns, he probably would like to.

Lex

Thank you Lex for your reply to my initial post. Unlike your posting, this guy seem to be pushing me into meeting with him. Now, like you've mentioned in your post, I can understand the pushing of the fantasy or the possibility of a future meeting and this would work out fine for me if he is open to establish some kind of connection with me that could be some kind of foundation for whenever that meeting would come into play. Therefore, there is no potential reality fantasy as you've mentioned...to me...it seems as if he is attempting to give me some kind of ultimatum or he will move on to the next conquest and that is what I don't like or respond to. Thanks again Lex

[meridannight]

he is off the wall. anybody who insists on traveling thousands of miles for sex with a stranger isn't getting it at home. socially inept, behavioral problems, or serious appearance issues, you name it. you don't want any of that showing up on your doorstep (or do you?). i'd drop it, and stop communicating with him.

he might not even be who he says he is. i have heard of guys getting together with someone who said they were a certain age and had attractive pictures on the internet, only to discover the guy lied about his age by decades and didn't look quite like the pictures at all when they went to meet him. it's probably not as often-occurring problem nowadays (and maybe his pics are real), but guys like that are out there and you should keep the possibility in mind. and when he says he's thousands of miles away, maybe he's not. maybe he lives near you.

be that as it may (and it's only speculations), one thing is clear -- he's obviously trying to sell himself, and the only guys who do that are the ones who are not getting any attention in real life. that should be a clue enough for you.

(but it seems to me that you already suspect all/some of this and are merely looking to see if there's grounds for your suspicion or not).

[Borg69]

I think you're being catfished and manipulated. I think His whole persona is a made up character he sockpuppets to Fuck with guys he finds hot and scams nude pictures and cyber sex with.

[MikeW]

Thank you MikeW for your reply to my post...I have to say that I tend to agree more so with what you've mentioned because I am still having issues with the fact that for this guy to be so handsome...why he has to post daily nude pictures on the social media site and why he doesn't have someone or dates lined up in his personal life?...

Yeah, I don't know what it is but there's something amiss with this picture.

...I need to hurry up and finish these projects because if I don't he will move forward with pursuing a relationship with someone else which is fine with me...but this statement did somewhat annoy me because here in my city...I don't have problems getting dates or being pursued. Sorry to be so long-winded..but thanks again...JS

You're not being long winded. Yeah, he's being manipulative. You can see that, right? He's basically giving you an ultimatum of sorts -- but why would anyone do that? So far as I can tell from what you've said, the only "draw" is his looks -- and if you haven't actually met him, who the hell knows what he REALLY looks like. Maybe he matches his pix, maybe he doesn't, but either way, anyone trying to manipulate us like this isn't someone we want in our lives.

[East]

Gonna be blunt...DO NOT INVITE HIM FOR A VISIT...

The fact that he isn't interested in anything you are saying...uh...I was a slut from hell...but I also had great conversations with the guys I had sex with and probably ended up knowing more about them than alot of their friends...

Here are the red flags...

Red Flag #1: but I have to say that I do question why he is so willing to travel to me.

...and rightly so. It is an excellent question.

Red Flag #2: However, to be honest, what really concerns me about this guy is that he loves to post nude pictures of himself constantly throughout the day on a daily basis.

EEK! He may be addicted to attention ...it is never pretty when you take off the mask..and it WILL come off

Red Flag #3: he’s very handsome and I can’t help but wonder why he is single and why he does not date?

I worked behind the bar in a gay bar for 20 years. A lot of the guys who were sociopaths/psychopaths/narcissists...didn't date because no one could stand them...and these same guys were THRILLED when the internet began and they could meet people who had never spent any time around them...seriously. The first time one of these pretty boys told me this I was dying....thinking about what the guy he met was gonna think when he finally met him in person

Red Flag #4: OK..the thing is ..he stopped speaking to me for a few days and today ...he contacted me because I gave him some constructive and helpful advice to something that he was going through. He then brought up the topic of him visiting me

Ewwww......kinda scary

There has got to be hot men all over the place that would love to have sex with you...and vice versa. Walk away from the computer and take a vacation to the nearest gay resort ...or just smile and say hi to the sexy guy at the supermarket...

This guy sounds like a nightmare to me...just my been around the block 100 times honest informed opinion

[yousir]

Does he post numerous pictures of himself at the gym. if so, that would top the narcissism off.

The worst is that he blasted you in a public post about something you discussed privately? Thats basically breaking confidentiality and disrespecting your boundaries. He has no respect for you. He doesnt care about your work. Hes not interested in you. And you sent him naked pictures of yourself? Thats incredibly risky.