04-13-2015, 12:50 AM
So, basically, I'm gay by nature, celibate by choice. Granted there are tons of gay people that are celibate for religious reasons, my reasons have nothing to do with religion.
I used to fantasize about getting a perfect boyfriend and eventually becoming husband and husband, but that ship has set sail.
My reasons for turning to celibacy are not what is up for discussion. What is open for feedback, is what exactly I am suppose to do with my life now that I know I won't have a person to share it with.
A lot of people do it, living by themselves, no prospect of meeting somebody, I'm sure I can do it, I just don't know how well I can do it now that I dropped my fantasies.
I don't really have any close friends, and I really can't make any, for reasons that are only made obvious to people who meet me in person. I've had a roommate before, and I just had awful experiences from that. I know I must sound like a monster, but, well, now you see why I'm making a life long vow of celibacy.
Working and learning is basically all I have to fill in the 60 long years I probably still have on this miserable planet. I love my work, I love working with people, but after 4 O'Clock every weekday and the weekend, I'm only back to my alone time.
I've been thinking of devoting my life to learning. Learning advance mathematics, physics, and chemistry, definitely, and maybe a few other sciences such as biology and psychology. That should chew up most of my life right there. Then learning other languages, I enjoy learning Mandarin, that should take up another huge chunk of my life.
But after learning, I'm kind of stumped in what stuff there is for me to do in all those long decades ahead of me that I'll have to myself.
I'd like to think my extra devotion to work would pay off and I could rise to the rank of a VP or CEO, but being realistic, that'll still probably never happen.
I'm just really worried about my life ever since I realized I'm meant to be celibate. Nothing has changed in my life since I'm already a virgin to begin with, but I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down.
I used to fantasize about getting a perfect boyfriend and eventually becoming husband and husband, but that ship has set sail.
My reasons for turning to celibacy are not what is up for discussion. What is open for feedback, is what exactly I am suppose to do with my life now that I know I won't have a person to share it with.
A lot of people do it, living by themselves, no prospect of meeting somebody, I'm sure I can do it, I just don't know how well I can do it now that I dropped my fantasies.
I don't really have any close friends, and I really can't make any, for reasons that are only made obvious to people who meet me in person. I've had a roommate before, and I just had awful experiences from that. I know I must sound like a monster, but, well, now you see why I'm making a life long vow of celibacy.
Working and learning is basically all I have to fill in the 60 long years I probably still have on this miserable planet. I love my work, I love working with people, but after 4 O'Clock every weekday and the weekend, I'm only back to my alone time.
I've been thinking of devoting my life to learning. Learning advance mathematics, physics, and chemistry, definitely, and maybe a few other sciences such as biology and psychology. That should chew up most of my life right there. Then learning other languages, I enjoy learning Mandarin, that should take up another huge chunk of my life.
But after learning, I'm kind of stumped in what stuff there is for me to do in all those long decades ahead of me that I'll have to myself.
I'd like to think my extra devotion to work would pay off and I could rise to the rank of a VP or CEO, but being realistic, that'll still probably never happen.
I'm just really worried about my life ever since I realized I'm meant to be celibate. Nothing has changed in my life since I'm already a virgin to begin with, but I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down.