Life of Celibacy

[Anonymous]

So, basically, I'm gay by nature, celibate by choice. Granted there are tons of gay people that are celibate for religious reasons, my reasons have nothing to do with religion.
I used to fantasize about getting a perfect boyfriend and eventually becoming husband and husband, but that ship has set sail.
My reasons for turning to celibacy are not what is up for discussion. What is open for feedback, is what exactly I am suppose to do with my life now that I know I won't have a person to share it with.
A lot of people do it, living by themselves, no prospect of meeting somebody, I'm sure I can do it, I just don't know how well I can do it now that I dropped my fantasies.
I don't really have any close friends, and I really can't make any, for reasons that are only made obvious to people who meet me in person. I've had a roommate before, and I just had awful experiences from that. I know I must sound like a monster, but, well, now you see why I'm making a life long vow of celibacy.
Working and learning is basically all I have to fill in the 60 long years I probably still have on this miserable planet. I love my work, I love working with people, but after 4 O'Clock every weekday and the weekend, I'm only back to my alone time.
I've been thinking of devoting my life to learning. Learning advance mathematics, physics, and chemistry, definitely, and maybe a few other sciences such as biology and psychology. That should chew up most of my life right there. Then learning other languages, I enjoy learning Mandarin, that should take up another huge chunk of my life.
But after learning, I'm kind of stumped in what stuff there is for me to do in all those long decades ahead of me that I'll have to myself.
I'd like to think my extra devotion to work would pay off and I could rise to the rank of a VP or CEO, but being realistic, that'll still probably never happen.
I'm just really worried about my life ever since I realized I'm meant to be celibate. Nothing has changed in my life since I'm already a virgin to begin with, but I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down.

[Bhp91126]

How about you volunteer for some charity, possibly something gay and try to make some friends? You are damned young to give up dating/sex etc.

[Pyromancer]

Foregoing sex and living a life of celibacy is doable, a fair number of people make that choice. What I don't believe to be doable is giving up on human interaction and companionship.

And no...you don't sound like a monster. You sound like someone who's been hurt and choosing social isolation as a defense against further pain.

It would help to know more of the specifics that caused your decision. Either post here anonymously again or...well...I believe that it requires at least 50 posts before you can start an anonymous thread...so you have some idea of what the various people on this site are like...so choose one of us and PM...but please, don't just give up.. .there was a period of 3 years when I didn't have sex, and I survived but I know I wouldn't have survived that period without the love and support of my best friend.

[Camfer]

The world looks a lot different at 30 than it does at 20. So keep open to possibilities on all levels. What plans you make, leave room for changing your mind and trying things outside your comfort zone. Don't plan out your whole life. You are still growing and learning, like it or not. I agree with CellDwell that outside of work, some volunteering can give you greater purpose and get you participating in society. Humans are social animals, and isolation leads to mental illness. Get out and do things outside work.

[MikeW]

I'm just really worried about my life ever since I realized I'm meant to be celibate. Nothing has changed in my life since I'm already a virgin to begin with, but I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down.

There's something about all that you've said that sounds immature and, I don't know, just not reality based. I've been essentially celibate now for well over a decade (minus one minor dalliance last September). The thing is, you don't know what tomorrow will bring. Yeah, sure, if you LET it be the same old same old, it will be. But if you choose to do something that EXCITES you, interests you, makes you feel alive, then... well... what is there to "worry" about exactly?

What do you want? Seriously, what do you really want?

[East]

You sound a-like you harbor a lot of self pity. Self pity is a killer...

[Rareboy]

Well I see that you have the framework all figured out. No sex. No friends.

But hmmmmmm....no purpose either. Funny how someone as smart as you couldn't just immediately come up with a purpose or direction to your life....all you have on your mind is what will keep your mind occupied until you finish your studies and then look out across the bleak, sterile existentially empty landscape of the rest of your life.

The problem is that you think that life is for living just for yourself. It isn't. Our lives are defined and enriched by our interdependence .....frankly I could care less if some young guy decides he doesn't want to fuck....but it used to be that the obvious alternative was to sublimate desire in the service to others. A loving heart and desire to do good means that many a young man found ways to find self-purpose and happiness.

I also suspect that your decision is a defensive tactic...it takes you out of a game that you are afraid you can't play well and enjoy. Perhaps the first thing to do is to sit quietly and figure out what the real underlying reasons are for your withdrawal from the world of sexual passion and love. And whether this is something you actually want or just something that you feel you are forcing yourself to accept.