what does it mean to settle?

[trywait]

I'm not saying I'm in a position that will end up settling but just out of curiosity... what does it mean to settle for someone?

like does that mean, you're not really in love with that person? or is it like it's not hot passionate love? or settle with someone rather than spend the rest of your days alone?

I mean the person I want to end up with, I want to be happy. like I know he loves me and that I love him.

personally, I'd rather be alone and content than be with someone, who doesn't necessarily give me the spark but keeps me from being alone.

make sense?

caveat: I'm not saying a "spark" is the only reason to be with someone either. it's the whole complete package, per se...like friendship, love, commonality, but also difference to be two separate individuals that make a complete union together.

I want to be with someone not because he needs me but because he wants to be with me. likewise, I want to be with someone because I want to and not because I need to.

[SHOman93]

Hmmmm. Very good question.

Coming from a 19 year old, "settling for someone" is a very cliche term to me.
Settling for someone is staying with someone so you don't have to travel down the yellow brick road of dating again. You've found someone who you enjoy being around, and they feel the same about you.

But do you get a burning sensation in your heart when you think about them? Or do you sigh at the thought that they will be the first person you see when you get home?

To me, settling for someone is staying with a partner who truly doesn't make you happy, but potentially makes you more happy than being alone.

If any of that makes any sense....hahahah

[East]

Great question!

I think it means to not really get what you want from a relationship...

..or maybe thinking of the dealbreakers you have...and then throwing a few of them away in order to accommodate the relationship...

[MikeW]

Well, yeah, there's "settling" and then there's the other side of the coin. Don't have a single word for it but basically having such a long checklist for "Mr. Right" that no one ever measures up.

[Rareboy]

Settling is when you always have the idea in your head that there was someone better out there...but figure that the one you're with will do until that other person turns up. Maybe.

[Beaux]

"Settling" can mean lots of things. It can mean the things you mentioned, or it can mean other kinds of "settling".
It can mean giving up on some of your own dreams so that your partner can follow his own. It can mean compromising sexually when you are with a partner who's sexual drives don't quite match up with your own (ex: you would prefer sex 5 times a week but settle for 2 times a week because your partner has a lower sex drive). It can mean living in a part of the country you don't really care for to be with the person you love.
Settling isn't always a bad thing, but it can be. It depends on you. Don't ever give up more than you are genuinely willing or it will lead to resentment.
The saying, "To thine own self be true" is a pretty good motto to live by, but that doesn't mean compromise is a bad thing either. It all depends on what your willing to give up vs what you gain by doing so.
Make smart choices. Nobody wants to hear your laments later on...
~Beaux

[trywait]

"Settling" can mean lots of things. It can mean the things you mentioned, or it can mean other kinds of "settling".
It can mean giving up on some of your own dreams so that your partner can follow his own. It can mean compromising sexually when you are with a partner who's sexual drives don't quite match up with your own (ex: you would prefer sex 5 times a week but settle for 2 times a week because your partner has a lower sex drive). It can mean living in a part of the country you don't really care for to be with the person you love.
Settling isn't always a bad thing, but it can be. It depends on you. Don't ever give up more than you are genuinely willing or it will lead to resentment.
The saying, "To thine own self be true" is a pretty good motto to live by, but that doesn't mean compromise is a bad thing either. It all depends on what your willing to give up vs what you gain by doing so.
Make smart choices. Nobody wants to hear your laments later on...
~Beaux

good point beaux. true...settling can also mean "compromising" because it is not always having YOUR way all the time but a give and take as well.

to elaborate further:

I mean every relationship is NOT perfect just like humans are expected to be imperfect. maybe, there will come a point where, the good outweighs the bad. like there are certain deal breakers that you can "settle" with because being with that person brings you joy.

maybe, I'm looking for "joy." and I think I found my "joy" but I'm not positive, I'm his "joy." make sense?

perhaps it's too early, but still...I think when it's right, it's right and everything will fall into place.

but it cannot be up to me alone because being in a relationship takes at least two people! you cannot clap with only one hand

and like what rareboy said:
"Settling is when you always have the idea in your head that there was someone better out there...but figure that the one you're with will do until that other person turns up."

cuz I don't want to be in a position to ponder about the "one" that got away...

[Pyromancer]

Settling is when you always have the idea in your head that there was someone better out there...but figure that the one you're with will do until that other person turns up. Maybe.

Yes...and also, being with someone because you have a fear of being alone.

For me, it comes down to whether the relationship is a work in progress, or the guy is just a placeholder.
[MENTION=14517]trywait[/MENTION]...you said, "personally, I'd rather be alone and content than be with someone, who doesn't necessarily give me the spark but keeps me from being alone.

make sense?" --- Yeah, makes perfect sense...and as you also said, not only the spark but the sense of "rightness", of something worth working at...