04-23-2015, 08:58 PM
When I was between the ages of five and ten I was befriended by my next door neighbor who was a very friendly man and was very good making friends with boys my age and younger and it wouldn't be until my freshman year in high school that I realized the true word for him was a pedophile. He started to touch me sexually when I was five and I would wander the neighborhood because back then parents just let there kids do whatever they wanted and what not. Between the ages of five and ten he would end up doing everything imaginable with me sexually and when I started to grow pubic hair he pretty much ended it and told me we couldn't play games anymore cause I was too old for him even though I was just ten when it stopped.
I really thought that I loved him and would see him with other boys that were younger than me and I was so jealous. When I was eighteen I fell in love with a younger boy who was eight and I was so drawn to him and I realized that I was just like my neighbor and I felt sick to my stomach and I ended all contact with the boy. We never did anything but I still felt so much love for him. After college I came to the conclusion that I was a pedophile but I suppressed it for many years and did nothing about it. I dated men and had relationships that lasted long amounts of time but I never told my lovers and just looked at boys from afar.
I found out later that the man who molested me had been sentenced to life in prison for his sex crimes against boys and I never wanted to act out on my pedophilia so I started recently seeing a therapist and my therapist told me flat out that pedophilia is incurable and that made me sick to my stomach. The therapist said that they can help me maintain my feelings and not act out sexually with boys but that's it. I am not sure if I was born a pedophile just like being born gay but it hurts and is so painful to be this way.
I am sure I will be looked down upon like I am a disease and that I should kill myself which I have tried because of this infliction but it hasn't happened yet. I just feel like I am the scum of the earth even though I have never acted on my desires.
I really thought that I loved him and would see him with other boys that were younger than me and I was so jealous. When I was eighteen I fell in love with a younger boy who was eight and I was so drawn to him and I realized that I was just like my neighbor and I felt sick to my stomach and I ended all contact with the boy. We never did anything but I still felt so much love for him. After college I came to the conclusion that I was a pedophile but I suppressed it for many years and did nothing about it. I dated men and had relationships that lasted long amounts of time but I never told my lovers and just looked at boys from afar.
I found out later that the man who molested me had been sentenced to life in prison for his sex crimes against boys and I never wanted to act out on my pedophilia so I started recently seeing a therapist and my therapist told me flat out that pedophilia is incurable and that made me sick to my stomach. The therapist said that they can help me maintain my feelings and not act out sexually with boys but that's it. I am not sure if I was born a pedophile just like being born gay but it hurts and is so painful to be this way.
I am sure I will be looked down upon like I am a disease and that I should kill myself which I have tried because of this infliction but it hasn't happened yet. I just feel like I am the scum of the earth even though I have never acted on my desires.