Coming Out To My BF's Family

[TwisttheLeaf]

Kev is being stubborn, but his anger is about the way they treated me...I told him I'm really not the sensitive drama queen type lol, he'll come around...

Are you sure? I ask this because of my experiences with Gideon. Gid can forgive just about anything -except- hurting me, yeah? If he even perceives that I -might- have been hurt by something, he immediately is up in arms. And getting him to ease down isn't easy, yeah? Getting him to let go? Even harder and takes a LOT of time.

I DO like Camfer's idea for a meal. To include them into your life a little at a time on YOUR turf. I know that, in this situation, if I presented the idea to Gideon, though, that he would very vehemently balk at it.

Maybe if you present the idea to Kev that it's important to you, he might ease down a little and think about it, yeah? At least, if I did that with Gid, he'd probably come around (cautiously and pessimistically, but come around) because he could see it was important to me.

And honestly? At least if the invitation is out there, the refusal is on them if they decide to be THAT big of an ass about things. An effort was made on your side.

[matty7]

you both sound like a great couple - standing by each other and both of you going through that situation was very hard im sure, I would hope you both have the strength to stay away from his family till they have time to take on this new side to their son - I don't think the lashing out was a total surprise though, you were there and the obvious person to take their anger out on.....lets hope they get over that like many parents do given time,
it can only get better I guess

[JohnSomebody]

Again...I can so relate to a lot of the recent topics of discussion on this forum..YOU GUYS ARE ON FIRE!!!!..lol...out of the four boyfriends that I've had...three had parents who welcomed me and still do...however..the first boyfriend I had...whom by the way was much older than me and had been a gay man so much longer as well...had decided to persuade me to spend the night with him since he had promised his parents (well..his single mom) that he would stay at her home while she was away for the weekend. After much persuading...I finally gave in but did not feel good about my decision. Needless to say...this was just the start of the wacky events that occurred. First of all...when he and I finally retired from the evening...we were in the same bed ....cuddling each other to sleep. However, I woke up in the middle of the night and he was nowhere to be found and the bedroom door was closed. I assumed that he got up to work on some paperwork of his and went on back to sleep. To my surprise...I was awaken by a female voice. I had the bed cover over my head and therefore, she did not recognized me and had assumed that I was her brother. I was in this bed butt naked and do you know this woman was taking off her clothes, chatting away and preceded to get in my bed with me???????!!!...When I did not respond to her questions...she then pulled the cover off my head and that is when she screamed for bloody murder...I grabbed the covers and try to run out ...but she was hitting me with her shoe...He finally appeared and intervened the situation and began to explain to her who I was. She then apologized and went to another room. I was so pissed at him and wanted to leave...unfortunately...my buddy had took my car and dropped me off and I was stranded. The next morning...my bf came in to apologize again and to take me down to the dining room for breakfast. Little did I know that not only was the sister whom I was in bed with was at the table...but the mother herself had came home early and was at the table as well. He introduced me to her and decided to tell her that I was his partner. She gave me the nastiest glare for about a good two minutes. I became so uncomfortable..but it was the sister herself who grabbed me hand and persuaded me to sit down next to her. She held my hand under the table for support. The mother insisted that I eat something..but you could just imagined that my appetite was totally gone after such a cold reception. After getting dressed...my boyfriend knew I was ready to go and went upstairs to grab his car keys. Meanwhile..his mom came into the living room where I was sitting and went on to blame me for him being gay and how she wanted me to stay away from her son because she saw me as being the devil. I then responded with asking her do she know how old I am compared to her son??...and then I opened my shirt to show her the bite marks that her son had put all over my upper chest and neck...which I can tell by the look on her face..she was in shock...and then I ended with...from the looks of things...I would believe that your son is the devil and I am just a little naive sheep that was walking along in the woods by himself and he took me captive SEXUALLY!!!!! I then walked out of the house and waited for him outside. He could tell something was wrong and on the way home...he kept inquiring what was wrong. I finally told him and after all that had occurred that evening up until the morning hours...I thought it would be best if we went our separate ways. He became really upset and begged me to give him a chance to handle things. Needless to say ...he did...but the sister and I had become really good friends and she would tease me all the time about being naked in the bed with her...lol

[Pyromancer]

Are you sure? I ask this because of my experiences with Gideon. Gid can forgive just about anything -except- hurting me, yeah? If he even perceives that I -might- have been hurt by something, he immediately is up in arms. And getting him to ease down isn't easy, yeah? Getting him to let go? Even harder and takes a LOT of time.

I DO like Camfer's idea for a meal. To include them into your life a little at a time on YOUR turf. I know that, in this situation, if I presented the idea to Gideon, though, that he would very vehemently balk at it.

Maybe if you present the idea to Kev that it's important to you, he might ease down a little and think about it, yeah? At least, if I did that with Gid, he'd probably come around (cautiously and pessimistically, but come around) because he could see it was important to me.

And honestly? At least if the invitation is out there, the refusal is on them if they decide to be THAT big of an ass about things. An effort was made on your side.

To be honest...no, I'm not sure. He still insists that they have to apologize, but I just want it to be over! It sounds like Kev and Gideon have similar outlooks...

[Pyromancer]

OMFG [MENTION=22709]JohnSomebody[/MENTION] --- I thought I had it bad, you made my day with your story...still laughing...sorry, I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time but

[Cridders88]

Sorry to hear it didn't go as you'd hoped Pyromancer, must've been tough hearing those things from his parents. Once the shock has worn off and they have had time to think about it, hopefully they will come round . At least they know now, just give them time.

[JohnSomebody]

OMFG [MENTION=22709]JohnSomebody[/MENTION] --- I thought I had it bad, you made my day with your story...still laughing...sorry, I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time but

HAHA...I'm glad to know that reading my story made you look at yours from a different perspective....and I am also glad that my story made you laugh because I was laughing as I was posting it on the forum. There are some personal stories that I do not mind sharing especially when someone can benefit from them...for me...that's what the forum is all about...I share my stories in order for you or whomever to avoid going a certain path or to gain some knowledge/advice on how to handle their situation more appropriately because I speak from experience. Thanks again for your response...JS

[Pyromancer]

Just to update...Kev got a brief email from his dad last night basically saying that Kevin is his son and as such he is free to maintain contact and visit, but he reiterated that I'm not welcome...and he said that there will be no further discussion about homosexuality because he does not accept that Kev is gay...

...so yeah...this was all my doing...apparently there's not a straight guy in the county who's safe if I set my sights on him...

[East]

(((Pyromancer)))...I am so sorry you both had to deal with that...just reading it made me very uncomfortable for you....

I know family is a big deal for some people so my advice probably isn't all that great as I dont' value family at all....so I will just give you both a cyber hug and hope that things unfold a bit more smoothly as time goes along.....

I realize that sometimes people will say that give them time or maybe they will come around...but IMO...I would say that to both of you. If you both come around and give them time..THEY should be the grateful ones...and THEY should hope both of you come around to forgive them for their nasty attitude....

[MikeW]

Just to update...Kev got a brief email from his dad last night basically saying that Kevin is his son and as such he is free to maintain contact and visit, but he reiterated that I'm not welcome...and he said that there will be no further discussion about homosexuality because he does not accept that Kev is gay...:

The problem here is that Kev didn't come out to his parents prior to this. But what little I know of this situation, it goes way deeper than keeping his sexuality hidden or private. The fact is, his family has not respected and supported him emotionally for years. In this respect, they have not earned THE RIGHT to be the one's making demands here. Kev (apparently) has never stood up for himself and demanded the acknowledgement, acceptance and unconditional love that is his BY RIGHT OF BIRTH.

In short, it is THEY who have failed HIM... and it is that, that they don't know or understand.