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As much as I wouldn't want to call myself a slut, I guess that's what I am. I can never stop with one guy. I'm 26 years old and I've never had a boyfriend because I guess I like men too much to just stay with one. I'm really outgoing person and the thing is that when I meet some guy and get to know him, I only like him for a limited amount of time, usually few weeks, a month has been a maximum. After that I usually meet someone who's more attractive, seems better and more interesting to me and as soon as that happens, I'm not interested in the previous guy anymore. And so it happens over and over again. Yes, I've broken a few hearts, although I try to tell the person that I'll probably be around them only for a while, there have been some guys who were really serious about relationship with me.
I don't necessarily sleep with all these men but I change them often. For a long time this way of living didn't bother me but lately I've been thinking that I may end up alone. But I cannot imagine myself with one man only. Should I force myself to stay with someone even though I'm not interested in him anyone?
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The thing of someone "better" and "more interesting" coming along happens because the perdon is new. Not really because of who the person is. Just purely the fact that they are NEW.
Your brain has got you addicted to the novelty of the "new, quick fix". It is like a drug. New things are more interesting and exciting because the brain is stimulated by new imformation.
Add to this the ego boost. There may even be part of you that gets a thrill from breaking hearts.
How do you change? I dont know. Once the novelty wears off force yourself to stick it out until you find something in a guy that makes you WANT to stick around. This takes time. You may still go through several guys til you find one to stay with. You havent found him yet.
You have to compromise sometimes. Its not just up to them to excite you all the time
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When I first started reading your post, my question would have been - Are you comfortable with your life? But it seems like you've answered that - you're starting to have doubts and worrying about ending up alone. What you're saying reminds me of a verse from an old Jackson Browne song -
"...when you see through loves illusions, there lies the danger,
when your perfect lover just looks like a perfect fool,
so you go running off in search of the perfect stranger,
with that loneliness springing up in your life
like a fountain from a pool..."
I don't know how you stop the cycle. Forcing yourself to stay with someone doesn't seem like it would work. I think that you need to talk to a counselor or a therapist, someone who really understands the dynamics of relationships. My other thought, and it may not be appropriate, but even though you say you don't have sex with all these guys...it still feels like an addiction. Sex Addicts Anonymous?
Deciding that you want to change is always the first step. I wish I had more to offer, and I hope you find a way to get the life that you deserve.
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I'm a : Single Gay Man
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I had a dear friend who had many lovers over the years, but he could never settle down with just one.
He eventually got old (like we all do) and retired from work. He moved back to his home town and collected stray cats - which made his house smell so bad that visitors had to leave after just a few short minutes.
He died last year,,,, alone.
I don't know if he regretted staying single most of his life, as I never talked to him about such things. All I can say is he was a wonderful person with a great personality who everyone liked.
There are lots of gay men who never settle down, and there are lots of reasons why they remain single. There's nothing wrong with playing the field and staying single,,, as long as you are happy that way.
One of the mistakes many people make, is jumping into a relationship just because it seems like the proper thing to do. Don't make this mistake, wait until you are ready and have met the person who makes you feel like you can't live without them. Love can't be forced...........
Jilmerooo
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Maybe your afraid to commit because then they will get to know how you really are. When you are in the NEW phase of the relationship you can put on all the masks you want. When you stick around for awhile reality sets in and they begin to realize that you like to leave dishes in the sink at night and you never change the toilet paper roll when it's done. Whatever the case, it's in the next phase that the real magic begins and you begin learning to love others for their faults instead of their perfections. I would try sticking it out for awhile and see what happens. "If you want something you never had, then you got to do something you've never done"
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Quote:There may even be part of you that gets a thrill from breaking hearts.
That's not true. I may be a frivolous guy but I'm not evil and I don't enjoy the pain of other people.
Quote: I would try sticking it out for awhile and see what happens.
But how to do that if I don't like the guy anymore? By forcing myself? Would you be together with someone you don't find attractive/interesting, etc. anymore?
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Oh and
Quote:My other thought, and it may not be appropriate, but even though you say you don't have sex with all these guys...it still feels like an addiction. Sex Addicts Anonymous?
With some guys I do have sex, with some I don't. I never have sex the first day I meet him. Sometimes I don't like the guy anymore even before it gets to sex. I wouldn't say it's sex I'm after.
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It's a game. People go out and try to win the affection of others and once they get it they lose respect for them. If you want to take it to the next level then you are going to have to change what you do and stop hooking up with admirers. If you show up at bars "dressed to the nines" and suddenly find yourself with guys "hovering" over you, then you get what you get. If you get involved in a group interest like a hiking club or a baseball team then the chances are you are not what they are focused on initially and a friendship happens first.
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but how do you find out if the guy youre with is the one you wanna stay with if you dont stick around to find out? If you drop him the moment you get "bored".
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Just a slut or a normal way of living?
