I can't get over him being feminine?!

[ca1050]

I have been talking to this really cool guy since Easter now. He is 18, I am 21. What started as a friendly chat quickly, to him, became something more and he asked me out. This is my first relationship with a guy. We have been dating about 2 weeks now, and I CAN'T SEEM to get over his feminine voice! Other than that, he is great! I knew before we started dating that he was a little feminine, but it has began to almost bother me since I do not like the feminine touch in guys at all. He just has a feminine voice and some mannerisms.
On top of all of this, he has told me he loves me, and I just can't say it back.. I like him. I love texting him and talking. But when I am with him, I just feel a little awkward or more just not into it. The only thing that bothers me is his voice.. I don't want to be a douche and tell him to "masculine up" or change his way of talking.
He really really likes me. He has said that in the two weeks that we have been together, it is already the best relationship he has ever had, and he has had several. I am a really nice guy. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, especially his.
Should I just keep going with it and hope that the feelings will develop over time and hope I get used to his voice? Should I ask him to be more masculine? Should I just tell him it isn't going to work out and (not trying to be braggy) break his heart? He is committed to me, and tells me how much he appreciates me and loves having me as a boyfriend and he is the happiest he has ever been.
I am completely lost since I have never had to deal with this before in any form or fashion. This is my first relationship, and I enjoy having someone to talk to and knowing that there is someone who cares for me.
He is just moving a lot faster than I, and his feminine voice is just a turn off for me. Please give me any advice you can, and thank you in advance guys!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I love you but.....

Never ends well as a relationship.


You are more than welcome to go ahead and give it the old college try, but this 'little' thing will end up being the thing that ends whatever you two might have.

[meridannight]

do you love him? if the voice and the mannerisms bother you, then the answer is 'no'.

then again, you have only been going out for two weeks! there's lust, yes. there are probably a thousand different emotions, yes. love? it takes a little more time to get to the real mature love part.

he is 18, he's been seeing you for two weeks and he already says 'i love you'. my opinion is, he says it too easily. and if you liked him really that much, take my word, you wouldn't care for the voice or the way he behaves.

[Darius]

Before I answer, could you tell us what your flaws are?

[LJay]

Is this perhaps due to the company he keeps? Some guys will imitate their friends. He may also settle a bit in the presence of some security, not having to put on the effeminacy to attract attention.

Still, if after a while it still bothers you, you will have to face it.

[Camfer]

I suppose when you're young and inexperienced it feels great when someone is infatuated with you. But a little bit later in life, someone saying he loves you after two weeks of dating is a huge red flag.

No, you shouldn't ask him to be more masculine. No, you shouldn't ask him to change his voice or anything else at this time. Yes, every guy you ever date will have some traits that aren't your ideal. Maturity is taking the things that are less than your ideal, because you understand you are not able to mold another man into your conception of the perfect mate.

You can love someone and not like certain traits he has. You can't love someone after two weeks. You can think you love someone the day you meet him. Then later you find out if your thought was true or not. Thus love at first sight is only true in retrospect. It turns out it was true, or not.

But I digress, since you don't even think you love him. I guess I was talking more about what each of you is experiencing.

So yeah, you need to talk to him. I think you should tell him that you feel he's moving way too fast for you. Tell him that you are happy to date him but still want to date other guys. That should sober him up a bit. He's drunk on the idea of being in a relationship with you. If you know in your heart that you only see him as a really great friend, you have to tell him right away, no matter how hard that is. If you just need more time to figure things out and get to know him, then ask for that. But look, you've already told us some of your gut feelings, so think it through and be honest with yourself and honest with him.

[East]

I think you should be honest with him...tell him what you have told us...and I know that sounds harsh...but I will tell you why....

I am probably in a semi-unique position as I talked face to face with thousands of gay men....and the feminine men...well...they "know" when they get rejected the actual reason...and no one ever has the balls to tell them....

I m thinking of one very articulate and thoughtful guy who had a lot to say on this subject...and he was feminine. He had killer insight...and he also wanted so badly to be able to get closure ...and he never could...because people won't say they don't like feminine traits to anyone's face...but they have no problem saying things like NO FATS NO FEMS NO BLACKS NO ASIANS....

IN WRITING..ONLY....These guys never say this shit to people's faces.

You risk hurting his feelings....and you probably will....but if you at least like him..give him a chance to deal with the truth. Not always...but often...it can be a catalyst to help someone evolve....

One more thing...whether it is a truth or a lie you tell him...it will hurt a lot more the longer you wait.

Oh yeah...one more thing...don't expect a thank you for being honest.

[MikeW]

.... Please give me any advice you can, and thank you in advance guys!

Well, you've been given a TON of great advice in this thread. I'm quoting you so the system will (hopefully) email you and let you know so you come back and check it out. Pay special attention to what [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION] and [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION] are saying... very good stuff there.

I just thought I'd share one experience I had years ago when I was dating. There was this guy who took a REAL shine to me. I wasn't as attracted to him as he was to me... and not because he wasn't good looking... but because he had some "effeminate" traits that, well, just didn't "do it" for me. However, he was so insistent -- and not being an "A" gay, that was rather novel -- so I went out with him a few times and we ended up having sex. Now, here's the point >>> MUCH to my surprise "Brucy" turned out to be a TOTAL HARD BANGING TOP once he was aroused! :eek: It was like, whah, WHERE THE FUCK DID BUTCH COME FROM?

I'm just saying, you can't really judge a book much by its cover. True, it may be what it seems to be; but everyone knows that there are a lot of (so called) MASC guys who are the first to throw their legs in the air when they hit the bed...







Oh, and THIS seems appropriate:

[Cridders88]

He won't be able to change his effeminate ways, nor should you ask him to. It seems like he has developed an infatuation with you, him saying he loves you within two weeks is pretty quick. If you really can't get past his effeminate traits, and you say you aren't really in to it when you meet him, then I feel you should probably let him know that he is moving too fast for you and even consider ending things. The attention he giving you of course feels nice but if you aren't feeling anything back then he will get hurt later down the line.

[Edward]

I understand you a lot. I'm like you in this, I can't stand effeminate men. In my opinion, gay or not but you're a man so act like a man. These guys who are speak in high tones and flutter their hands, disgust me. I could never be together with someone who resembles a woman.

If you cannot deal with it, move on.