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05-31-2015, 03:07 AM

Lexington Wrote:A bunch of options here.

Yes, you can tell him to butch it up a little (or a lot). But contemplate how that comes across. Not ust the entire maculine/feminine dynamic of the homosexual male, but the sheer fact that you're putting a conditional on the relationship. Swap places for a minute. Pretendyou found aguy you're absolutely apehsit for, and you date fow a couple of weeks. Then say he said it was time for a talk, and said he liked you OK, but he can't get beyond how fat you are...or how little you earn...or your entire wardrobe....or whatever else. Then he said "Drop thirty pounds...or start earning in the six figures...or throw out all your clothes and get something actually suitable....and I'll keep dating you. Otherwise, see ya." These aren't modest tweaks. They're pretty significant lifestyle changes. And as far as I'm concerned, the proper response to them is to wish the guy well and send him on his way.

You don't love this guy, with or without quotes. Or, more accurately, your like of masculinity (or your dislike of femininty) outweighs your like of him. You gave it a go, knowing full well that he had feminine traits, and I think that's admirable. But it appears that it's not going to work out. I'd say the best move is to break up with him, sooner than later. And feel free to use the "it's not you, it's me" line. As Mike pointed out, it's accurate.

Lex

I could not dare be such a douche to anyone as to say what you mentioned above (change and I'll keep dating you). Over the past week, I hung out with him more and I think I may be slowly getting either used to him or getting to where I don't really care as much anymore. I say this because, I am starting to like him. He is a great guy. No one is perfect, as also stated by others in this post. I have my flaws, and he has decided to look beyond them. So, maybe why shouldn't I do the same..? Even though it bothers me now, maybe it won't on down the road..

05-31-2015, 04:11 AM

The gay voice has become... sexual to me. Somehow, this past year. It became... idek... just... so attractive.

And that is along ways away from the days of loathing my own voice and other gay voices. That shits just so freaking hot to me now.

All I talk about is myself. ohmygod.

05-31-2015, 01:20 PM

ca1050 Wrote:TI am a Christian and doing the things I am doing.

You don't believe God, who made you the way that you are, wants you to meet the right person and be happy?

Bhp91126 · 05-31-2015, 02:31 PM

ca1050 Wrote:You are correct. I am not out. He only has a more soft and higher voice and a couple of feminine mannerism. Apart from this, he is like any other guy. But, it is obvious and I know others take notice to it as well. You are also correct in the fact that I am somewhat scared that by hanging around a guy that shows gay traits, could label me the same. However, we haven't gone out in public or anything. We just chill at his place and hang out, when he is free and home alone. I can admit, the more time I have spent with him this past week, the more I am beginning to like him, despite his effeminate traits.

Haha, don't beat yourself up, most gays have been there, afraid of being labeled gay by others before we were ready to come out. (Coming out is still a very big step today and you best do it at your own time, but you will NEVER regret it)
How "out" is he? How aware is he of your "status"? Is this something you can work on with him? Is he also not out of the closet yet and that is why you are meeting at his place?

I'm very happy to hear that his voice becomes less important the more time you spend with him, so keep doing that.

05-31-2015, 04:47 PM

larafan25 Wrote:The gay voice has become... sexual to me. Somehow, this past year. It became... idek... just... so attractive.

And that is along ways away from the days of loathing my own voice and other gay voices. That shits just so freaking hot to me now.

All I talk about is myself. ohmygod.

Yeah..
I thought I didn't like fem guys til I met my ex, Danny, who wore eye makeup, spoke in italics and thought great foreplay was me giving him a pedicure...but OMFG, he was soooo hot....incredible sex...We barely lasted a month, but yeah,,,a pretty damned amazing month...

...and yeah...all any of us ever talk about is ourselves...it's the human condition...I can make ANYTHING about me...

06-01-2015, 01:53 AM

Bhp91126 Wrote:Haha, don't beat yourself up, most gays have been there, afraid of being labeled gay by others before we were ready to come out. (Coming out is still a very big step today and you best do it at your own time, but you will NEVER regret it)
How "out" is he? How aware is he of your "status"? Is this something you can work on with him? Is he also not out of the closet yet and that is why you are meeting at his place?

I'm very happy to hear that his voice becomes less important the more time you spend with him, so keep doing that.

He is not out either. It would not be very shocking though for others to learn that he is gay. For me, it would be very shocking for others to learn that I am bi. He is aware that no one knows and that it is a must keep secret. Which he is completely fine with. Only a couple of his closest friends know he is gay and that is all.

Camfer · 06-01-2015, 04:53 AM

It's fun to see the OP go from "I can't get over him being feminine?!" to "I may be slowly getting either used to him or getting to where I don't really care as much anymore. I say this because, I am starting to like him." Good for you!

06-01-2015, 05:36 AM

Camfer Wrote:It's fun to see the OP go from "I can't get over him being feminine?!" to "I may be slowly getting either used to him or getting to where I don't really care as much anymore. I say this because, I am starting to like him." Good for you!

Thank you. I have read every response I have received and considered it all. I don't want to ruin something that could have the potential to be great. Thus, my reason for consulting the wonderful population of Gayspeak. I still am not entirely sure on the issue at hand, but some things have definitely been cleared since posting this.

Cridders88 · 06-01-2015, 01:31 PM

I am glad, as you have grown to like him, that you are adjusting to the one thing you are not keen on about him Smile

. If things develop further you will probably find that trait about him having even less significance to you Smile

06-01-2015, 03:16 PM

Edward Wrote:I understand you a lot. I'm like you in this, I can't stand effeminate men. In my opinion, gay or not but you're a man so act like a man. These guys who are speak in high tones and flutter their hands, disgust me. I could never be together with someone who resembles a woman.

If you cannot deal with it, move on.

And that folks is how the forum broke out into a huge fight! :eek: