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The first date
#1
I met a seemingly nice guy on a dating site and after a bit of talking we decided to meet up. Everything went smoothly. We started with lunch, then drinks, then decided to go strolling and as time went by we ended up staying out so long that time came for dinner and dessert. It lasted about eight hours. He kept pushing to prolong the date, "would you wanna get dinner? Would you wanna get dessert?" and so on. When we had first planned the date, it was for coffee or a light lunch. So it ballooned.

Then came the unusual part. The end of the date. At this point we were both in a car (since for part of the date, at his suggestion, we drove elsewhere which offered better walkability). One of us buckled in, the other about to leave the vehicle, we both sat there awkwardly. I tend to let the other guy go in for the hug or kiss, but it didn't happen. We both sorta...just sat there and waited with no talking. So when it didn't happen we ended up just shaking hands. The night then ended. Granted, what seemed like minutes probably only lasted seconds, but the awkwardness felt palpable.

Prior to the handshake I had thought the date went well, and the fact that he kept pushing to prolong the date made me feel good and reassured. But I can't understand why someone who so obviously feels comfortable prolonging a date, and in that sense takes the lead, doesn't then go for at least a hug. Granted, I could have gone for the hug but I was waiting for some sort of invitation that he would not pull back and be like, "whoa just friends". After all, he clearly had some sort of interest, but now I am left to wonder: is his interest just friends? When I told one of my friends he joked snidely: "my boyfriend and I shook hands on the first day....NOT!" His comment completely sunk my confidence.

So far as conversation at the end of the date, he did say he wanted to try and hang out this week. And earlier in the day had said that we should go see an upcoming movie since I had expressed interest in the film (not knowing he too had interest). Until the handshake I thought it all had gone well.

Any thoughts guys? You can imagine I am feeling down about it. If you want to sink my confidence further, be gentle.
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#2
You said that he was the one who kept suggesting activities to prolong the date...maybe by the end of the evening, he was hoping for a sign that you were actually interested and not just agreeing to be polite.

If it were me, I'd message him (or however you contact him) and tell him that you had a great time and suggest getting together again...so far, it seems like he was the one moving things forward, maybe it would help to give a definite sign that you're interested.
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#3
Pyromancer Wrote:You said that he was the one who kept suggesting activities to prolong the date...maybe by the end of the evening, he was hoping for a sign that you were actually interested and not just agreeing to be polite.

If it were me, I'd message him (or however you contact him) and tell him that you had a great time and suggest getting together again...so far, it seems like he was the one moving things forward, maybe it would help to give a definite sign that you're interested.

I actually did just that. Now's a particularly bad time for him because he has his family arriving today from all over, which he explained to me yesterday. I offered to meet tomorrow but again, he is hosting others. His reply essentially said as much, that he will have to get back to me to see what they are up to. Still, it does not infuse me with confidence.
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#4
You said it yourself...
Over all eeverything went well.

Are you really obsessing over a sinigle detail?
Did you say...
"After spending a great day with you I would love to give you a hug"?
No?
Are you really letting a single detail Trump your entire experience?
Let us know if there is a second date.

Ps. Dates are awkward.
99% of the time.
Cheer up.. ��
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#5
I wasn't really thinking too much about it until one of my friends asked about it and I told him about the date. I pointed out to him that the handshake felt awkward but left it at that, focusing more on the rest of the date. He then told his boyfriend who messaged me what very much seemed to serve only to put me down. Granted, I understand friends can sometimes put us down unintentionally, but wow it made me rethink things.

Thanks for cheering me up!
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#6
Sometimes friends are great, sometimes they're dicks (often without realizing it).

I suggest not allowing your own feelings of your own actual experience be so easily influenced by others. Easier said than done, I know. I suggest that because I'm terrible at it myself, but I know it would be for the best.
[MENTION=21156]Anocxu[/MENTION] hit the nail on the head. Dates are just fucking awkward all around. That's why I stick to figs! HAHAHAHA.....

(I'll kill myself now)

Stop obsessing. Relax. Sounds like things went very well.
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#7
I know it's kind of hard to be the one to go in for a kiss because of the fear of being rejected. Which is where the defence mechanism comes in. You should have said "I don't care if you aren't into me. You're going to give me a fucking kiss."
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#8
himself Wrote:You should have said "I don't care if you aren't into me. You're going to give me a fucking kiss."

With that said...,
See the definition of "Rape"
Reply

#9
Anocxu Wrote:You said it yourself...
Over all eeverything went well.

Are you really obsessing over a sinigle detail?
Did you say...
"After spending a great day with you I would love to give you a hug"?
No?
Are you really letting a single detail Trump your entire experience?
Let us know if there is a second date.

Ps. Dates are awkward.
99% of the time.
Cheer up.. ��
I totally agree, the whole date went well and as for many 1st dates,,the anticipation of the "1st move" is always an uncomfortable moment, it gets better after that Smile
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#10
Dates terrify me... only because I'm extremely awkward when put under a microscope ...
I remember one date about 5 years back I drank my weight in beer just to calm down...
Poor guy... I definitely scared him away.
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