What is good advice for winning over a FWB?
06-08-2015, 06:44 AM
A friend and were once in a monogamous romantic relationship for about 6 months. The relationship did not end on good terms for me, as he decided to end it.
We remained friends and are still physical when we see each other. We're both now non-monogamous (in physical intimate relations with more than 1 person at a time).
I still have very strong feelings for him, and he has told me he has strong feelings for me, but it is clear that he does not reciprocate mine fully. He also has another FWB who he's very very close to, and has fully disclosed that this FWB of his he has much stronger feelings for than me (he told me I was around '80', compared to this FWB as a '100' in terms of feelings).
It's not my wish to change his relationships, and I am both happy and jealous for him--I only want to know if there's any way he could develop stronger feelings for me, and what things I could that would either push him away or could help draw him closer to me.
I am looking for this advice as while I'm still meeting new people and have other relations, none of them come close to my desire or feeling for this guy, nor have they matched the intimacy or passion of our physical relation. Which has left me wondering, why I should I chase after silver when I've already got gold in my pocket.
What I've been doing:
-Keeping my distance. I try to see him about once every 2 weeks (we both have very busy lifestyles).
-Been very open about my other relationships and intimate activities (e.g. if I had unprotected sex).
-Making it clear I don't want to come between him and his close FWB.
-Very gradually disclosing my feelings over each time we meet, rather than dropping everything all at once.
-Making subtle hints about what I would do for him (e.g. financially support him, ask him to live with me, buy him clothes, etc.--he doesn't have much money and his close FWB is completely dependent, supported by parents). However, he's definitely picked up on these and usually shrugs them off or ignores them.
My hypothesis is that there isn't really anything to be done to making his feelings stronger. My fear is that he'll meet yet another guy he really likes (after all, new relations are very exciting and passionate compared to old ones) like his very close FWB, and I'll be sidelined even more so. This is what I feared when we first broke up, and of course came true.
I wonder what are things I should avoid doing that could push him away?
We remained friends and are still physical when we see each other. We're both now non-monogamous (in physical intimate relations with more than 1 person at a time).
I still have very strong feelings for him, and he has told me he has strong feelings for me, but it is clear that he does not reciprocate mine fully. He also has another FWB who he's very very close to, and has fully disclosed that this FWB of his he has much stronger feelings for than me (he told me I was around '80', compared to this FWB as a '100' in terms of feelings).
It's not my wish to change his relationships, and I am both happy and jealous for him--I only want to know if there's any way he could develop stronger feelings for me, and what things I could that would either push him away or could help draw him closer to me.
I am looking for this advice as while I'm still meeting new people and have other relations, none of them come close to my desire or feeling for this guy, nor have they matched the intimacy or passion of our physical relation. Which has left me wondering, why I should I chase after silver when I've already got gold in my pocket.
What I've been doing:
-Keeping my distance. I try to see him about once every 2 weeks (we both have very busy lifestyles).
-Been very open about my other relationships and intimate activities (e.g. if I had unprotected sex).
-Making it clear I don't want to come between him and his close FWB.
-Very gradually disclosing my feelings over each time we meet, rather than dropping everything all at once.
-Making subtle hints about what I would do for him (e.g. financially support him, ask him to live with me, buy him clothes, etc.--he doesn't have much money and his close FWB is completely dependent, supported by parents). However, he's definitely picked up on these and usually shrugs them off or ignores them.
My hypothesis is that there isn't really anything to be done to making his feelings stronger. My fear is that he'll meet yet another guy he really likes (after all, new relations are very exciting and passionate compared to old ones) like his very close FWB, and I'll be sidelined even more so. This is what I feared when we first broke up, and of course came true.
I wonder what are things I should avoid doing that could push him away?
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