My boyfriend was raped by his ex...

[kgdaddis]

I have been dating a guy for a few weeks and he would have random breakdowns. He finally admitted to me that he was raped by his ex and he has random flashbacks. We are both 16 and his family can not afford to get him in counseling. Are there any free alternatives? Btw, he lives with his single mother and 5 siblings. There is only one car and mom works all the time... transportation is non existent.

[East]

Well.....You have to find someone first who takes male on male rape seriously...and it is hard to do unfortunately. Most people think that if you are gay or have gay sex and you get raped..you asked for it....or you must have liked it.

I hate to tell you that....but you need to understand that before you continue...because people who are there to "help" can make it much worse sometimes....

Also...when you are that age...you will have older men who want to "help" you...and they will NOT be helping you at all. I am sure there are exceptions...but they are rare if they are. You won't know that until they are done "helping you"....

Sorry again..I have been there in his position at about the same age...and I learned the hard way...and watched my friends learn the hard way...and have subsequently observed this phenomenon play out over and over....

Even if you are an adult gay male and get raped...same thing.

I had to get that out of the way first...PLEASE pay attention....

As for getting help...I would try to find a woman to help. Call your local gay organization for referrals...and try to find a lesbian to help you.

If you do find a man...make sure he isn't one of those "nice men" who just like to help out kids.....or if he is 40 and all his friends are 15...do NOT trust him.

Good Luck...

BTW...here you go...free resources for LGB teens.....

http://www.glbthotline.org/talkline.html

(1-800-246-7743)

I would be inclined to trust them....give them a call....

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have been dating a guy for a few weeks and he would have random breakdowns. He finally admitted to me that he was raped by his ex and he has random flashbacks. We are both 16 and his family can not afford to get him in counseling. Are there any free alternatives? Btw, he lives with his single mother and 5 siblings. There is only one car and mom works all the time... transportation is non existent.

The notion of 'I can't afford health care' in the USA kinda sorta died a couple three years ago with the Affordable Care Act - commonly called Obama Care.

There are sites that discuss Obama Care in Orlando Florida... Assuming that is the Orlando you all hail from.

His mom should seriously consider checking it out and getting the whole family covered by some sort of health care. Yeah I get it, a number of kids, single mom, one job, or two part time jobs, a car - its hard to manage. IDK what can your folks do to help her with some of this process?

As for "free" services, again assuming this is the Orlando of Florida: https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=fre...do+florida


I was subjected to a lot of abuse as a child, I didn't face it until my late 20's - by then a lot of behaviors to cope and survive were already hard habits.

I didn't even admit to most of the abuse until I was 28 - That was of course after mountains of meth and oceans of alcohol, a few suicide attempts, cutting, experimenting with drug mixtures for fun and 'opting out of life'... and other things.

The fact that he has come forward and has already admitted 'this happened' is a huge, huge, ginormous, colossal step (That trip to the moon that Armstrong done was tiny in comparison) in the right direction.

Many, if not most male victims of sexual assault wait way to long to step forward - which leads to compounded issues and problems.

Flashbacks may be a symptom of PTSD. The reality is that a fast diagnosis and immediate treatment for that will mean he can be 'fixed' far more easily than if he waits.


Since you are both 16, parents need to be brought in on this - if they are not already in the know.

His mom can be held accountable for the abuse to him legally. This can lead to child protective services being brought into this household and really messing up all the kids there.

So if he hasn't told his mom, he needs to - or you do it for him.


I will tell you that from my own personal experience, getting a private therapist through health insurance (Yes this includes Obama care now) is usually better in the long run than getting a crises therapist.

In the short run a crises therapist can get a few things done to deal with 'today's emergencies'.

So he is going to need both - a crises therapist to assist him through this initial phase, and a long term therapist.

So he is going to need the obamacare ASAP.

[kgdaddis]

East, thank you for your reply. I will certainly talk to him about this!

[kgdaddis]

Bowyn, are there co-pays for Obama care? Also, the transportation there is still an issue. My family and I live about 40 minutes away so it is hard for my momto get there easily since she works too...

[LJay]

There are certainly social services in the Orlando area. Contact your local health department and explain the situation. You should be upfront and matter of fact that this is a male on male rape of an underaged individual. Explain the transportation situation and ask what you should do. Best of luck.

[Bhp91126]

Have you been in touch with the Orlando Youth Alliance http://www.orlandoyouthalliance.org ? They should be able to provide some help, or at least point you to some local sources.

[meridannight]

I have been dating a guy for a few weeks and he would have random breakdowns. He finally admitted to me that he was raped by his ex and he has random flashbacks. We are both 16 and his family can not afford to get him in counseling. Are there any free alternatives?

all schools should have a free counselor nowadays.

there are also places that offer free counseling for youth under a certain age (where I'm at 25 is the upper limit), but that's in Europe. i have no idea if such a system exists in the US. but you could look into it. it's the youth centers, local gay centers, and sexual health clinics that can offer such deals.

[SilverBullet]

That is sad to hear :*(, personally I made friends with some of the school staff to whom I entrusted certain things. me and a Librarian and the nurse were really close . I usually entrusted the nurse with any and all personal physical questions/problems, the librarian with all matters of other advise.

It worked for me, now of course a counselor of some sort would be ideal, but if one is unavailable there are alternatives in those that are wise and willing to listen . He needs to find someone he is comfortable in talking with though, I think just the communication with someone else will help him. You could be a shoulder for him as well if he allows.

[AmorAstrum]

Whilst I'm not entirely sure what kind of services may be available over there for you, sometimes I think the best thing to do would be to sit down and try and have a sympathetic conversation about it with your boyfriend. I have no doubt that it would be difficult - for the both of you - but if it's affecting your boyfriend so much that he is having recurring outbursts and flashbacks of it, then keeping it on the inside will only affect his psychological welfare even more in the long run. Unfortunately, there's no easy solution on how to go about it... but I would personally think the very fact that you care so much to ask about it and seek help, even if it's just to offer an opinion or a small message to your partner about other people's experiences on such a thing, would be a large step forward in being able to understand and combat these awful demons.

Please, remember - I know you're trying to help your boyfriend as much as possible, but don't allow yourself to fall victim to stress and worry because of it. If you struggle because of the pressure and weight that falls onto your shoulders because of this, that's perfectly alright. You're only one human, and yet you're thinking for two. If you ever need to vent or get things off your chest, please come and seek someone out to speak of it. I'm more than happy to offer a friendly ear myself if you would like. :-)

I wish you the best of luck. Take care.