Dating websites - profile pics

[Sheppy]

Can anyone please explain why some people on dating websites put, as their main photo, one that was taken some years ago?

I've joined one and was matched with some guys profile. The main photo (that is shown to people browsing) was of a guy who looked a lot younger than his years. I wasn't too bothered, but looking at other photographs, he has aged considerably since the profile one.

I thought he was pretty nice looking (I'm talking about the photos of him being older here) but it bothered me a bit why he chose to do this. I looked at a couple of other profiles (all honest & genuine, apparently, but obviously not) and it was the same. Photos taken some years ago.

Why do people do this? My profile photo was taken last week and shows how I look now. I really do not get it at all. I mean, do people think that others will ignore the "old looking" photograph when they meet up?

[ceez]

I think some people want their best side shown on those websites to attract good looking potential mates and to do it they grab a photo from a few years ago when they were in better shape or didn't have as many wrinkles or they had more hair. I think it's silly too, especially when you plan to meet someone in person.

[TwisttheLeaf]

These are the same men who complain when they meet people in person that they are rejected over and over again, bemoaning 'why oh WHY' can't they find someone when they're doing these dating sites. Trying to -insist- they are presenting themselves honestly.... and yet.... they aren't.

It's a form of denial combined with wishful thinking. They want to be seen as this younger, different visage of what they once were and refuse to believe they won't/can't be seen that way.

IMO, of course.

They would have far less disappointment if they were honest, profile photo and all, from the start.

[LJay]

A form of semi-anonymity could account for some of it. There is exactly one picture of me on the interwebs and it is from some time back. First, it is the only picture I have. Secondly, I am not so anxious to have the present me known. I steer clear of dating sites anyway. It is unlikely I am about to attract anyone's attention from an online posting.

[MikeW]

Well, I dunno. For sure there could be a bit of "putting the best foot forward," not to mention "denial," involved. In my case (I'm not on any dating sites at all, BTW)… such as my avatar here, that photo is… hmm.. I would say about 10 years old. I don't look much different, just older, and I like the expression on my face. Moreover, unlike most people in the universe it seems, I really don't like taking selfies! (If I were younger, and hotter I might but oh well..) On another forum I go to my pictures are about three years old now, they were "recent" when I joined but are now out of date but I really don't care to bother taking new ones to replace them. I'm not trying to *attract* anyone anyway. As most here will attest, I tend to be more like a grumpy cactus than a bread pudding.

[East]

It sounds to me like it is the online version of what people have been doing forever in the 3-D world...faking their age and masking their appearance in an attempt to look younger and "more desirable"....

It is what it is. I am never going to be visiting a dating site so I don't really care much whether they do it online or in person.....

[phillyboy1234]

I struggle with this as well. I want to get to know a person and not care so much about their appearance, although I too recognize that there must be some sort of physical attraction. When people have pics that vary widely, you can ask for an updated pic, but often people seem unable to do this, which begs the question: why not.

My issue with online dating is that it puts so much focus on appearance and so little on anything else. One of my friends put it great: you need to give guys a chance beyond their profile pic. That doesn't mean everyone needs to get a date, but sometimes you need to introspect and ask yourself: do I need a model? Or do I need someone who I find attractive and who I can see myself enjoying an awesome convo with over dinner?

[cestmoi77]

Except I rather suspect a lot of people on these websites aren't interested in "conversation over dinner"

[matty7]

On scruff there are guys that once you click on the profile it may say 50 years old but looking back on pic you can tell they are at least 10 years younger in it - tbh most that I click on do put an age appropriate age picture, I guess not doing so would mean you don't get messaged as much

I just joined Scruff just to see what its all about really - one of the pics a guy has put up is him wearing his best gym shorts pulling what I can only describe as an angry gorilla pose and he goes by the name Alpha Beast lol.. deffo not my type...some guys do put some very odd pictures up though

[kidchameleon]

I can imagine it has a lot to do with the shallow environment that dating websites are a part of. People tend to be incredibly picky once they've convinced themselves they have thousands of potential partners just a click away. When all you've got for a first impression is a small profile picture, it can be easy to "skip" past those who don't meet your ideals, before making an effort to get to know them.

It's not exactly the most honest of approaches, but I can understand why many people do it. Putting your best self out there is more likely to get results, and convince people to get to that second stage of actually getting to know you. And hopefully, once they've gotten to know you, they won't care that you've got an extra wrinkle, or put on a few pounds.