how come we do things backwards?

[strider65]

does it ever strike anyone that very often gay men have sex first and get to know each other afterwards?

any thoughts, comments?

met a guy last week, pretty much spent a day in bed... it was pretty electric.

he works 4 days on, 4 days off...

I asked him out to the new Jurassic Park movie... maybe out to dinner, go on a date, get to know each other.

think he just wanted to fuck around in bed. I wanted to get to know him a little, silly me....

wondering if I shouldn't have asked him out. maybe he just wanted to throw down...

you would think I would have learned by now.

any thoughts would be appreciated, thanks bros

[East]

Back when I was doing exactly what you describe..I was brutally honest...and developing a filter to keep myself from saying exactly what I was thinking was just an idea...

...and yeah..I was out of step with a lot...maybe even most...of the people ...but the people who "got it" ...we had a fantastic time.....whether they were friends...or fuck buddies...or both...

I remember telling many men that I didn't want to go to dinner or the movies with them because I wasn't sure I even liked them..and after we fucked I would get a better idea....

I hate dating anyway. It is too much work. The few times I dated...if we could even call it that...I put my worst foot forward....just because all of the bullshit people tell each other on dates annoyed me....

How do you say to someone you don't care what their hopes and dreams are...that you are just sitting there pretending to be interested to get in their pants?

You just can't....and so begins the phony crap...and people being pretend polite...until they don't have to anymore....which is a much worse kind of backwards....putting your best (phony) foot forward until you are "in"...and then showing your true colors....

Count me out....

...so yeah...the backwards plan..I vote YES....

[Buzzer]

does it ever strike anyone that very often gay men have sex first and get to know each other afterwards?

any thoughts, comments?

That process may be common, but it's entirely an opt-in system. I could assure anyone that I've never had a stranger who was gay come up and somehow wind up accidentally having sex with him before I knew anything about him.

I think that if you'd like a more traditional "dating style" interaction, that's entirely your right and your choice. And that yes, if that is what you'd like, probably sleeping with someone immediately before you even know if they'd even be interested in getting to know you beyond that level whatsoever isn't the best way to go about it.

It would be a cop-out to say "that's just the way gay guys do it, they all do it backwards", if it is also how you go about interacting with guys you meet.

[Anocxu]

A group of guys told me "Your Best Asset Is Your Ass"
I believed them.. I wanted to fit in...
So I did what any frightened inmate would do... Share!
I got used ..,shanked and thrown in a laundry hamper.

[CellarDweller]

I've often thought/felt the same way.

The only thing you can do is be true to yourself. If you're comfortable with that type of behavior, go for it, as long as your safe.

If not, then don't.

I can honestly say I've never had a one night stand or anonymous sex, and I don't feel like I missed anything.

[Darius]

I agree with Buzzer.

I am not into sex with strangers even if I hoped it would lead to something more.
Saying "no thanks" is the surest way to find out what he really wants.

I think there are lots of guys who want more than a hookup.

Your life, your choice.

[MikeW]

I...I think there are lots of guys who want more than a hookup....

Well, there are certainly a lot of guys who SAY they do... whether they're being honest with themselves about what they really want or not is less clear to me.

But, for sure, there should be room for both. I've never been particularly promiscuous and find anonymous sex kind of, odd, really. That said, I have had a few hookups that were quite amazing. Still, I much prefer to at least LIKE the guy I'm with. Why would I want to have sex with someone I didn't like? .... UNLESS HE IS REALLY HOT!!!

[East]

Why would I want to have sex with someone I didn't like? .... UNLESS HE IS REALLY HOT!!!

I just need to know he doesn't have a picture of Ronald Reagan hanging over his bed :eek:...or a copy of Mein Kamph on his nightstand :eek: ...and I'm good.

Sometimes...it used to surprise me what I can ignore when I'm horny

[yousir]

I can honestly say I've never had a one night stand or anonymous sex, and I don't feel like I missed anything.

(^^,) thats because youre not.
Feel free to repeat that everytime the topic of sex comes up XD

[MikeW]

I just need to know he doesn't have a picture of Ronald Reagan hanging over his bed :eek:...or a copy of Mein Kamph on his nightstand :eek: ...and I'm good.

Even Mein Kamph could be overlooked in certain circumstances but Ronnie RayGun, NoF'nWay!