are things progressing too quickly?

[Anonymous]

So I met this guy about 3/4 months ago, he's 18 I'm 21, we've been chatting on skype literally everyday, playing some games together, we have allot in common and just can't get enough of talking with each other, sending pictures/videos(not anything sexual of course just like me playing with my dog for example and what not)

So 2 weeks ago the 7th of June he came to my house, it was the first time meeting and while I told him meeting in public was just fine he really wanted to come to my house, so he came to my house(and just as a safety precaution someone else was at home even though I trusted him)I was eternally grateful for that as I can't use public transport without feeling sick and sometimes even nearly fainting.

We had a absolutely wonderful day, it started off as just playing games together on the pc, but eventually he made the first move and he lied on my bed and just cuddled for hours, and when I say hours I mean from about 13:00 till like 22:00, we hugged, cuddled kissed and even french kissed a couple of times though that only happens much later on the day, we also took off our shirts but only that to enjoy the cuddling even more, it was the most enjoyable day of my life, I had never felt so loved in my entire life and instantly fell in love with him. Eventually though he had to leave and we said goodbye with a hug and a kiss.

Now with that alone I was wondering if it was going too quickly because of the french kissing but then there is the second meet-up which was today.

It started of with just immediately jumping onto the bed and cuddling while talking about some things now and then(which we of course also did the previous time), outside cuddling I had no expectations whatsoever, this time we also spent a significant amount of time just lying together in bed, from about 12:00 till 19:30, though this time it went further, as we were lying in bed slowly more clothes were going away, shirt > pants > boxers until we were completely naked which was not what I expected at all, like this we cuddles some more and after he initiated we started masturbating each other, this day was even better then the previous meet-up and was just thinking how lucky I am to meet someone like that, it just all happened naturally and I don't regret any of it, wouldn't even dare to think that, and once again at the end we said goodbye with a hug and a kiss.

Now I really am wondering if things are progressing too quickly, I tried searching on the internet but I only find such topics about straight relationships and I don't know if it's different when it comes to gay relationships. So yeah I'd like to know if it's normal to transition this quickly from cuddling to french kissing to mutual masturbation, he and I have both never been in a relationship before or have even dated for that matters so neither of us really knows if things could be going too quickly.

[Lexington]

I once said that some relationships are like those movies where the spaceship gets torn open - everybody gets dragged along despite your best efforts. And in a sense, that's probably a good thing. You're not going into this with your eyes closed...but it's still proceeding rapidly, and in a way that you both seem really happy with it. In that case, I'd say it's all good.

Lex

[LJay]

OP, there are no rules. The two of you have to decide if things are right. Just try to be sensitive to each others needs and wishes and above all, play safely.

[Virge]

There's no such thing as moving too fast according to timetable of how things work out.

It's all about moving at the speed both of you are ready to go and leave it at that. We have friends who met at a straight C&W bar, left to play around... and moved in together the next morning. That was over 20 years ago and they say they've not been out of each others sight more than 26 hours in all that time.

On my first real scheduled "date" with a guy we were doing the big nasty in less than 20 minutes. It started off with sex and then we spent 3 days and nights alone with each other naked most the time. Then I went through about 5 years of FWB drama with him, then 3 years of monogamous dating before he moved in with me 6 months ago. He's said if we had really dated like you and your guy are doing I'd have ended up quarantined in his friend zone. Whew. I'm glad I took care of that right at the start.

Just do things at the pace that makes both of you comfortable. Get the idea of moving too fast or too slow out of your head.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sorry, there are no rules, and you need to do this the way we did back in the stone age - trial and error.

What works for one relationship most likely will not work for the next. What works for me (6 months of Pon Farr type 'dating', followed by a death match, ending in intercourse - then waiting 7 years to play again) - mayn't work for others.

While its cute that you have this notion that there is a 'normal' here someplace, it is actually kinda sad that you feel there has to be a timetable, and play by some sort of rules set by someone at sometime when no one was looking.

[Anonymous]

I once said that some relationships are like those movies where the spaceship gets torn open - everybody gets dragged along despite your best efforts. And in a sense, that's probably a good thing. You're not going into this with your eyes closed...but it's still proceeding rapidly, and in a way that you both seem really happy with it. In that case, I'd say it's all good.

Lex

good to know, I'm afraid I was rushing things and that's no good either as that could ruin the relationship.

OP, there are no rules. The two of you have to decide if things are right. Just try to be sensitive to each others needs and wishes and above all, play safely.

we will definitely ''play'' safely xd

There's no such thing as moving too fast according to timetable of how things work out.

It's all about moving at the speed both of you are ready to go and leave it at that. We have friends who met at a straight C&W bar, left to play around... and moved in together the next morning. That was over 20 years ago and they say they've not been out of each others sight more than 26 hours in all that time.

On my first real scheduled "date" with a guy we were doing the big nasty in less than 20 minutes. It started off with sex and then we spent 3 days and nights alone with each other naked most the time. Then I went through about 5 years of FWB drama with him, then 3 years of monogamous dating before he moved in with me 6 months ago. He's said if we had really dated like you and your guy are doing I'd have ended up quarantined in his friend zone. Whew. I'm glad I took care of that right at the start.

Just do things at the pace that makes both of you comfortable. Get the idea of moving too fast or too slow out of your head.

oh wow didn't knew people could go that quickly but that sounds like an amazing story.

I'm happy for you that it worked out

well when I read online about relationships and stuff they always talk about not rushing things else it could ruin the relationship, but I'm glad to hear that you can't go too fast or slow, I can try more with them then.

Sorry, there are no rules, and you need to do this the way we did back in the stone age - trial and error.

What works for one relationship most likely will not work for the next. What works for me (6 months of Pon Farr type 'dating', followed by a death match, ending in intercourse - then waiting 7 years to play again) - mayn't work for others.

While its cute that you have this notion that there is a 'normal' here someplace, it is actually kinda sad that you feel there has to be a timetable, and play by some sort of rules set by someone at sometime when no one was looking.

well I always thought rushing things could lead to the end of a relationship, though as explained by Virge I guess that's actually not the case.

[Virge]

My geeky man and I have figured out what keeps it going for us...

He came in from a LONG week. I was in the hospital the first part of it. He was juggling his job and coming to see me 3 times a day. He came in, found me sitting up on the bed and said "Gimme a big overdose of endorphin please!"

He snuggled up using my shoulder for a pillow watching TV with me while I doodled in his hair, scratched his back, kissed his fingers and talked sweet to him...

Once you understand endorphin's role in happy relationships and work on give each other as much of it as you can... it's pretty easy and fun. Tone of voice, cuddling, holding hands, spooning, foreplay just for foreplay, pet names, playing, sex, and just eye contact all can put endorphin levels through the roof.

[meridannight]

well when I read online about relationships and stuff they always talk about not rushing things else it could ruin the relationship,


well I always thought rushing things could lead to the end of a relationship, though as explained by Virge I guess that's actually not the case.

nobody who isn't in a relationship with you can tell you what will ruin your relationship.

and i'm guessing the above advice you quoted pertains to heterosexual relationships not homosexual ones. the dynamics are entirely different.