Virginity and night at boyfriend's

[Anonymous]

Well, I need a bit of an advice. I'm together with a wonderful guy for 5 months now and he invited me to stay overnight at his place this weekend. I got a bit confused because it never happened to me before but in the end I agreed.
My question would be - if I stay overnight, it doesn't have to definitely lead to sex, does it? I'm a virgin and he's my first boyfriend( he knows it) and kissing has been so far the biggest thing we've done. I might be wrong but the only way I understand this invitation is that he probably thinks that we could take some step forward but I don't really want to. The thought about taking off my clothes and doing it is not something I want to practice, at least not now.

And I don't know how to tell him I'm not ready. He's very supportive and understanding guy and he always makes me feel good. I know that he's going to cook for us and get some movies for us to watch. I know that doesn't mean I owe sex to him but I still feel pretty bad and I feel like I'll ruin it all by refusing to sleep with him. You might say that maybe he doesn't want that at all but I think he does. Of course I cannot blame him for wanting to make love with his boyfriend but I just cannot do that, not now. How do I tell him without hurting him?
I'm 20, he's 22, if that means anything.

[Lexington]

You say "I'd love to spend the weekend with you, but just to be clear, I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to have sex with you. I just don't want there to be any misunderstanding."

That said, when WILL you be ready? Five months seems to be a fair chunk of time.

Lex

[Anocxu]

No need to be worried.

You have options.

You have the option to call ahead informing him "No Sex"

You have the option to visit and not spend the night.

If somehow you end up staying... this is my secret to ensure abstinence...
and personal space.





That should keep him away from your treats.... [emoji1]

[Anonymous]

Lex, I don't know when will I be ready. I just know I don't want to do it now.

[Lexington]

Do you foresee a time when you WILL be ready? Or does the entire thought of sex with him (or anybody) fill you with dread?

Lex

[Anonymous]

No, sex is not something I dread happening and I realize someday it'll happen to me too but that will probably be when I'll really want it. Now I don't.

[blackula88]

Are u scared of sex it self? Are u waiting for a more romantic setting? Are u waiting till marriage? Do u have low self-esteem with ur body? I mean there's gotta be a reason that ur holding onto ur virginity so tight... especially from a man u've been dating for 5 months. I mean I'm glad ur man is understanding, but I don't see anyone sitting around forever with out an exact reason behind ur fear of having sex. Just my opinion

[NayNay]

Communication is key.

Make sure he understands that you are not ready. Explain to him why you are not ready to have sex with him yet so that he can understand that you are not comfortable with it.

It is perfectly okay for you to not want to have sex. From previous experience, I have put myself in situations where I was unclear about my intentions with hanging out with another person and it lead to awkward situations. Do not let that awkward situation happen.

If you feel pressured by the other person to have sex with you then you should not go on this weekend of being together. Make sure you feel 100% comfortable with being with him and tell him what you are comfortable with doing (kissing, touching etc...) Make sure you set your boundaries clear, if he listens and is okay with all of it, you've got yourself a real winner of a guy.

I wish you the best of luck and make sure to stay true to yourself!

[Lexington]

No, sex is not something I dread happening and I realize someday it'll happen to me too but that will probably be when I'll really want it. Now I don't.

That's totally fine. Just wanted to make sure you hadn't built up a wall that might prove problematic somewhere down the road.

Lex

[Davis]

Just tell him you don't want to have sex. If he loves you he should understand.