Religion, sex and me and my problems.

[Anonymous]

So I'm thinking about maybe having sex with my boyfriend. We're dating for four months, he's really an amazing guy and he suggested that we could try. I don't really know whether I want it or not but all this thing is making me feel weird. I'm 20 years old virgin, born and raised in a Catholic family. I'm not a very big believer in God but I guess the religious spirit is what my family has put into me very deep.
All my life I've been the good boy. Good behavior, good marks at school, never smoked, never even tasted alcohol, never been to a big party. I've never done anything reckless, nothing that would shock my parents. And now, when I'm thinking about something like sex, it seems wrong to me. Like it's something that's not meant for me. I can't see myself as sexual being at all. When my boyfriend kissed me for the first time, I didn't know how to react. I liked it and at the same time I was ashamed that I liked it. My parents have always said that lovemaking is only for marriage. When I was 13 or something, my father told me that masturbation is bad and he's just warning me because guys usually start to do it at that age. Of course, they don't know I like guys. They would lock me up into some monastery or something if they knew I'm considering giving myself to another man.
I don't know how this will work out. My boyfriend is not forcing me to anything, he knows my background and he was like - if you want we can do it, if not, it's fine. I'm thinking about this every night before falling asleep. My parents have always taught me to be modest about my body, I wasn't even allowed to take my shirt off when it's hot in summer so now when I think about getting completely naked in front of someone, it makes me feel scared. About whether or not I want to have sex, it's more yes than no to me. But at the same time I don't know what to expect. I'm afraid it's going to be very awkward and I won't know what to do. I just cannot put it all together - me and him, naked, in bed doing something that has been put into my head as something dirty unless in marriage. What would you say about my situation?

[BlueStar]

I'm not going to write an essay about it, but...

Remove religious pest from your mind and body, and keep asking yourself, are you happy that way?

Putting aside sexual intercourse is necessarily a natural fact. You don't consider yourself a sexual being because you have chosen to, after experiences, or because somebody else told you that?

What the hell does "modest about your body" means?

Did you know that parents manipulating their children are also sinners?

From what I'm reading, dude you're in serious trouble. Get out of it. You own your body, you own your relationship with this guy. You don't have to tell your parents you like the same-sex, and that before/after marriage crap is nothing more than another ridiculous fantasy. Get out of it.

You only live once, and you can't believe what you can't see or feel.

Let me remind you, the Holy Books are written by humans, madmen.

You deserve happiness, and you find happiness in no small part with freedom.

OK, what I've said might be immature to you. Just think about it please...

[Anonymous]

It's easy to say-get out of it. It's not easy to do it if I've been raised to be that way.

[LJay]

OP, sooner or later you will become your own man. Your parents sound as though they have carefully passed along to you the ways they think best. It is perfectly normal at your age to find that you have differences with your upbringing. It is up to you to work through those differences so you think, you talk to others, you observe the world around you and you gain your own experience of life. Eventually, by doing these things and many others, you define your own personality. What really makes things complicated is when you find that your personality is a constantly changing thing.

What you are presented with in your relationship with your boyfriend is an opportunity to observe, experience and define yourself in one particular realm. By keeping an open mind and remembering that, handled carefully and with concern for mental and physical safety, you will find that living is a wondrous experience. Living your own life in your own way, with kindness and joy and taking hold of the opportunities it presents is what the best of human experience is all about. Go for it.

[princealbertofb]

So I'm thinking about maybe having sex with my boyfriend. We're dating for four months, he's really an amazing guy and he suggested that we could try. I don't really know whether I want it or not but all this thing is making me feel weird. I'm 20 years old virgin, born and raised in a Catholic family. I'm not a very big believer in God but I guess the religious spirit is what my family has put into me very deep.
All my life I've been the good boy. Good behavior, good marks at school, never smoked, never even tasted alcohol, never been to a big party. I've never done anything reckless, nothing that would shock my parents. And now, when I'm thinking about something like sex, it seems wrong to me. Like it's something that's not meant for me. I can't see myself as sexual being at all. When my boyfriend kissed me for the first time, I didn't know how to react. I liked it and at the same time I was ashamed that I liked it. My parents have always said that lovemaking is only for marriage. When I was 13 or something, my father told me that masturbation is bad and he's just warning me because guys usually start to do it at that age. Of course, they don't know I like guys. They would lock me up into some monastery or something if they knew I'm considering giving myself to another man.
I don't know how this will work out. My boyfriend is not forcing me to anything, he knows my background and he was like - if you want we can do it, if not, it's fine. I'm thinking about this every night before falling asleep. My parents have always taught me to be modest about my body, I wasn't even allowed to take my shirt off when it's hot in summer so now when I think about getting completely naked in front of someone, it makes me feel scared. About whether or not I want to have sex, it's more yes than no to me. But at the same time I don't know what to expect. I'm afraid it's going to be very awkward and I won't know what to do. I just cannot put it all together - me and him, naked, in bed doing something that has been put into my head as something dirty unless in marriage. What would you say about my situation?

Ok, so let's tackle this from the beginning. You're a virgin, ok, so that's a situation that will pass as soon as you try something new for the first time. Life is made of first times, and it seems that you are now ready to have that first time with your boyfriend, otherwise you would not be obsessing about it, as you are now.
I think you're ready.

It's normal to feel a little awkward in a new situation, and not to know how you will react, or how your partner will react. The key to this of course is to be honest and to be ready to discuss it. It sounds as if your partner and you have a good understanding, since he's not forcing you to do anything you wouldn't want to do. He'll be ready to stop at any time you feel too uncomfortable, right?

I think, however, once you decide that you're going to go forward with this discovery of his body and of yours, and how you can mesh together, you'll probably find enjoyment in it and not want to track back. You'll have gone that far, so why not finish something you started?

As for the business about something being in some way more pure or more saintly or more acceptable in marriage, what makes the act more of any of these things than doing it in a loving and committed relationship? You don't have any guarantee that having a piece of paper that sanctions a marriage will make the act of intimacy between two people any different. There won't be different chemistry, there won't be any physical changes. Marriage is a moral contract between two people, but it's nothing that will change the 'physics' of sex.

You don't say whether the country you are from even accepts two males marrying or two females marrying, so how could you have the sanctity (or purity or holiness) of marriage if that's not even an option for you and your boyfriend?

One thing is sure, you're not too likely to be found out because there's no risk of pregnancy.

However, if you haven't discussed it or thought of it before, you'd better get some protection (and by that I mean condoms, if your boyfriend is not a virgin) and lubrication, if you're going to try various acts, some of which might necessitate lubrication.

Masturbation, whether on your own or with a (boy)friend is one the most natural things in the world, and I'd even say that it's nature's own way of making sure the sexual organs work and get regular use. You can't always count on nature to provide a partner to use your sexual organs with, so masturbation has made billions and billions of males and females able to function sexually from time immemorial. Don't worry so much about it.

Being able to share intimacy, whether kissing, or holding hands, or sharing sexual intercourse with someone is one of the most natural things in the world. Once you've explored that, you'll probably be wondering what all the fuss was about in your head.
Good luck with that exploration of your sense and sensitivity.

[princealbertofb]

Wonderfully put, [MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION].

[jimcrackcorn]

For starters, google "Gay Friendly Church's" and try attending those services. You can be gay and a good Christian at the same time.

As far as sex goes,,,,, many people prefer to only have sex with someone they love and are in a committed relationship with. And,,, you don't need a marriage certificate to be in a committed relationship. It's nice to have that certificate, but most of us older gay folks weren't allowed to get married until just recently and we managed to find someone to love and share our lives with - including sex - without a certificate!!!! Nowadays with same-sex marriage legal in every State, you can wait until you are legally married before having sex if that is what you want (I'm assuming you live in the United States).

There are many, many, many, gay Christians who have found a way to accept their gayness and live a full and happy life as a gay Christian. Get your young ass to a gay affirming church and start living!!!

Sincerely,
Jim

[Camfer]

Join the Episcopal Church. Drop the guilt and shame.

http://www.episcopalchurch.org/page/lgbt-church

It's okay not to be all that comfortable the first time you have sex. The judges will be lenient.

[LONDONER]

Religion has managed to fuck up so many people's personal lives from time immemorial. Don't allow it to ruin yours! Remember that all you have learnt in your life has bee passed on to you by your parents and they learnt from other people who learnt it from books written by humans thousands of years ago based on legends that in their turn had been passed down by other humans. There is absolutely nothing wrong or shameful about two people loving each other in a physical manner. You might be concerned about the first physical act but you've been with your boyfriend for a while now and he sounds a patient person so explain your doubts and fears to him. Take it slowly.

You've received some pretty good advice from other people here and we're all here to support you. If you have any more questions, just ask. Don't forget, this is the friendliest gay site on the Internet.

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys. Things make a bit more sense to me now.