Pectus Excavatum

[SkinnyGuy123]

I have pectus excavatum. For those who can’t be bothered to google, it basically means my chest sinks in in the middle creating a concave shape. As per many others with this, I am extremely self-conscious of my body, was bullied at school for the shape, and avoid taking my top off in public.

Normally if I am arranging to hookup with someone, I “warn” them about my body in advance, in case it would put them off, or just keep my tshirt on when doing the deed. But I am a bit torn about what to do in a dating situation (as opposed to just a casual one-off hookup), where we’re not going to head straight for the bedroom. Part of me feels I “ought” to tell the other person before we get intimate for the first time, to prepare them for the look/feel of it, and to explain I am sometimes not at ease being naked in front of others. On the other hand, it’s just a cosmetic thing and if we get to know each other properly first by going on several dates, and are comfortable with each other, then it shouldn’t really matter, and shouldn’t be a big deal. It takes a lot to forget changing room taunts though. I don’t want to bring it up too early as it might make it seem as if I’m expecting us to have sex sooner rather than later, but I don’t want to say nothing and risk rejection as soon as he lifts my tshirt. I suppose I just want to avoid the awkwardness of potentially seeing a look of shock/horror when he sees it for the first time before he manages to readjust his face.

If the other party were you, would you appreciate knowing in advance? Would you “expect” to be told about something like this? When might be a good time to bring the subject up? Has anyone ever been with someone with this condition who can give a perspective from the “other side” as it were?

[SilverBullet]

hmm, this will sound soap boxy
if your dating someone and all they want is sex, it will be a problem
if your dating someone that wants a relationship and falls for you, it wont be a problem

I wouldn't say anything about it, once the relationship grows maybe go tubing or some activity that requires no shirt.
Then allow them to bring up the subject at which point you can explain.
If they are unable to deal with it, then you lost nothing as apparently a superficial relationship was the most important thing to them.

on a bright side, from limited googleing, I have noticed that severe cases can cause other issues and so if you get a doctors referral you can probably get the surgery done and covered by your insurance if it bothers you as much as I feel it does.
From what ive seen however, most cases don't look THAT bad and you may be overly self conscious about it.

You should try and stay CONFIDENT!

[Bhp91126]

I'm very sorry that you got harassed because of your chest in school. I had a friend with PE in highschool and can't remember any taunts thrown in his direction. (But that was many years ago)

Since it's only unusual, but is not limiting you in any shape or form, I would not warn anyone in advance about your chest. Like SB stated above, you'd only lose those who don't matter.

[himself]

I have that, too. My brother and sister also have it. My brother got his operated on, on the NHS, but I don't think he was happy with the results. I have never had sex, but when I've met boys at gay bars, I have warned them about my body, too. They didn't care.

[Anocxu]

[IMG] https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/image...PCZGElhAnw[/IMG]

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I knew very little about it..
Looked it up..

You have the perfect tool to weed out shallow guys..

This is not something you chose..
If a guy finds this hard to understand then....

[Cuddly]

On one hand it's just a quirk, like a birthmark or a mole. On the other hand it's alot rarer and therefore much more interesting and stare-worthy.

I don't think I would be put off by it or need a warning.

[Gideon]

I would say to play it by ear...if the conversation leads to things like...insecurities or things you are uncomfortable with, then you could bring it up. If not, then just wait until the time seems right or it's just out there with a little show and tell.

I only suggest slipping it into the conversation for -your- benefit, not his. You'll feel alot better and more confident about things if you know ahead of time that it's not an issue for him. Otherwise you're gonna be holding your breath the entire time and not really enjoying yourself as much as you should.

[ceez]

I think it would be a good ice breaker on a first date. Plus if you don't tell them then whether they are fine with it or not then they'll still be a little shocked by in the bedroom.

[LJay]

Without seeing you it is really hard to answer. You are a long way past your school years when kids use any thing at all to pick on each other. You may need some adult and more objective views on this. Is there info on the internet which will allow you to compare your case with others? Have you had a good talk with your doctor about the appearance issue as well as the more medical side of things? Might your doctor recommend a counselor who is good with body issues? Do you have a couple of really good, close friends who will give you input?

What I am getting at is that your own self confidence and security may play more into this that you realize. Sure, you know all of this stuff, but have you really faced it? Is some help worth a try to get past it?

Something tells me that you are a lot cooler guy than you think you are. That's important to know.

By the way, I hope you will hang out around here. We're not "perfect", whatever that is, but we do like new friends.

[SkinnyGuy123]

I only suggest slipping it into the conversation for -your- benefit, not his. You'll feel alot better and more confident about things if you know ahead of time that it's not an issue for him. Otherwise you're gonna be holding your breath the entire time and not really enjoying yourself as much as you should.

I think this hits the nail on the head about why I'd want to tell someone.

Thank you to everybody who replied. I appreciate the advice