Have a crush on a straight friend.. getting weird mixed signals from him.

[Tyrion]

Hey everyone. I know I haven't been here in awhile, but I could totally use some advice!

Ok, so I have a friend who says he's straight, acts completely straight (normally), and has had a handful of girlfriends. He's clearly attracted to girls and has never made a mention of being bi or liking guys.. though he supports gay rights and has made that pretty clear.

We've been friends now for over a year, and he doesn't yet know that I'm gay (at least I haven't told him, I've only started coming out to really close friends recently). I've kinda had a thing for him, but at the same time I've been absolutely fine just being friends. He's truly become my best friend and we have a really deep connection that we've had ever since we met. We can talk for hours and we're together as much as possible.

Anyway, getting to the point, over time I've developed a big crush on him.. and I can honestly say that I love him.. which is something I've really never felt for someone before.. but again as far as I know he's straight. Lately though, he's been doing things that make me wonder if he likes me more than just a friend.

For instance, recently, we've been going to the bars a lot and hanging out, and when he drinks he gets very close. The other night we were drinking, and went outside for a smoke. While we were walking outside and talking, he randomly held out his hand and we held hands while walking. Whenever we go our separate ways he always hugs me.. usually for awhile (actually he hugs me all the time, lol). He even says he loves me.. but it seems like a friendly "love you" type of thing..

Another thing that made me wonder (and this is kinda funny), but a few days back he was playing his guitar, and made up this song about how if I were a girl he'd be my boyfriend.. and even if i wasn't we could still be boyfriends but it might be weird. It was an odd and random moment but we both laughed.

Anyway, I'm probably overthinking this, because this is probably nothing more than a "bromance" type of thing but I can't help but wonder if it could be more?

Sometimes I really want to tell him that I have feelings for him and ask if he has the same, but I'm scared it would ruin our friendship or make things weird. The other night I was home, had a few drinks, and I nearly called him to tell him, but decided it was a bad idea. Basically the logical part of me is saying don't say anything -- and I think for now that's exactly what I'll do... but the irrational part is saying do it.

I know I typed a lot and probably rambled, but any thoughts???

Thanks!

[Anocxu]

If you have read through the forums..
There are so many gay men that have similar experiences with their straight best friends..

Your opening post reveals what I like to call.."The current boundaries"

'As of now' this sounds like a very healthy bromance ... quirky.. but very healthy.

The boundaries might change ..but until he tells you..
"I am bi,...curious or gay an I am interested in something more " you have to accept it for what it is.

Pushing the boundaries most times in your situation.. end in awkward complications or disaster.

As of now .. you made an amazing friend..

Isn't that enough?

[Cridders88]

Tyrion,

I have to say from what you have written, I have not seen any definite indicators that he is interested in anything more than friendship here. Definitely go with the logical part of your thinking here, not the irrational. If you have read it all wrong, things probably wouldn't be the same between you two again.

[Camfer]

Ok, so I have a friend who says he's straight, acts completely straight (normally), and has had a handful of girlfriends. He's clearly attracted to girls and has never made a mention of being bi or liking guys..

We've been friends now for over a year, and he doesn't yet know that I'm gay (at least I haven't told him, I've only started coming out to really close friends recently). I've kinda had a thing for him, but at the same time I've been absolutely fine just being friends. He's truly become my best friend and we have a really deep connection that we've had ever since we met.

Anyway, getting to the point, over time I've developed a big crush on him..

Basically the logical part of me is saying don't say anything -- and I think for now that's exactly what I'll do... but the irrational part is saying do it.

I know I typed a lot and probably rambled, but any thoughts???

I think you should come out to him as gay and not say anything about your crush on him. Then see how things unfold. In the mean time, who else can you date? Sounds like a bromance to me.

[JohnSomebody]

I totally agree with Anocxu...there have been sooooo many guys on the forum who spoke of similar situations and at the end of the day...its an unfortunate pursuit to embark on and frankly...a waste of your time...seek yourself someone who will have interest in you as you have with them.

[Anocxu]

I just came up with a Geeeenius spiel....

Let's pretend to be straight so we can attract more gay guys?
Who's with me..

Changing my profile to 'gay friendly hetero"...
Ordering spike TV..
And growing out my pubes!!...

[LJay]

I think that you should have a talk with your friend. Maybe over one beer, not three or four. Just ask him what he thinks about guys who are gay. It sort of sounds like he has a good idea that you are gay and may just be trying to tell you that it is OK with him. Try to look at what he does as supportive rather than flirting.

[Tyrion]

Guys, you give great advice. I still have this really huge crush on him and I know it's not going to go away, but I will try to live with it. He's one of the most amazing people I know.. in pretty much every way. I think what I will do is over a few beers in the near future tell him I am gay and nothing more. I have a feeling he may know. Thanks again for all the advice thus far.

[Tyrion]

If you have read through the forums..
There are so many gay men that have similar experiences with their straight best friends..

Your opening post reveals what I like to call.."The current boundaries"

'As of now' this sounds like a very healthy bromance ... quirky.. but very healthy.

The boundaries might change ..but until he tells you..
"I am bi,...curious or gay an I am interested in something more " you have to accept it for what it is.

Pushing the boundaries most times in your situation.. end in awkward complications or disaster.

As of now .. you made an amazing friend..

Isn't that enough?

You're so right, thank you. He is an amazing friend and I would never want to mess that up.

[Tyrion]

So I still haven't told him I'm gay.. still scared.. but we still hang out all the time. I've stayed over at his house many times and we are very close. He wants me to be his roommate. The whole thing is weird. I think he just thinks of me as a great friend but I can't help but want more. Oh well, it is what it is. I'm learning to live with it.