Old returning member
08-31-2015, 06:17 PM
Hey guys. It's been almost a year since I was active in GS (seems like a pattern to me every year). Thought I should be telling some update/introduction,considering there must be a lot of new members and I'm not sure how many old members are still here,I could see East,Bowyn,and I've been chatting with BlueStar on fb,so he must be whoring around here. :biggrin:
So last year in November, I actually met an amazing guy. He wasn't totally the whole package, but he's got qualities that actually got me hooked up on him. I was at a bad place cause I had a big fight with some friends where I ended up leaving the Whatsapp group,and apparently that meant I left the whole group too. I was very suicidal at that time, with this feeling like I was isolated by my friends,though I still had few,but I was mostly alone. Meeting him changed that though,and things got better with my friends after that as we started talking again.
Around end of January,we went for STDs testing,and I found out he got something,most likely from before we met. But things went south from there,and I've always had this feeling that we weren't gonna be together for a long time (or that I don't want it to), plus this thing, and how difficult it was to communicate with his poor command of English, so I ended things with him. Since then,I've never met another guy,and I felt like regressing back to where I was before I met him. So I indulged myself with Tera Online and it worked for a while.
Few things that I realized being with him was how I was not okay at all with my body despite having someone else being okay with it. I couldn't comprehend how he was able to find it attractive. That was the major reason I couldn't meet someone new.
And another thing is,I finally realize I have Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD). All the symptoms, most of them, exist throughout my life. And it got worse after I had that big fight. Even on the internet, I could get very conscious that after I post something in this forum, I would stop browsing it and anxiously wait till tomorrow (I usually post at night). Then when I see some replies or notification, I'd get small anxiety attack just to read it. And when I wanted to ask sexual stuff, I just couldn't bring myself to ask openly and had to use the anonymous option even though it was really trivial. It's probably why I waited this long to get back here. I still haven't seen any psychologist for my SAD. I'm finally graduating and about to work and I'm afraid it's gonna get in the way of my career. I mean,it already has during my internship. But the cost of seeing a therapist here is too expensive for me (RM350/hour) and even with a fresh graduate salary, I don't think I could afford it. I'm left with my self,asking my parents wasn't any good either as my mom insisted it could be treated with more religious activities.
So that pretty much sum it up. TLDR; Hi people, I'm an old returning member,nice to meet y'all~
So last year in November, I actually met an amazing guy. He wasn't totally the whole package, but he's got qualities that actually got me hooked up on him. I was at a bad place cause I had a big fight with some friends where I ended up leaving the Whatsapp group,and apparently that meant I left the whole group too. I was very suicidal at that time, with this feeling like I was isolated by my friends,though I still had few,but I was mostly alone. Meeting him changed that though,and things got better with my friends after that as we started talking again.
Around end of January,we went for STDs testing,and I found out he got something,most likely from before we met. But things went south from there,and I've always had this feeling that we weren't gonna be together for a long time (or that I don't want it to), plus this thing, and how difficult it was to communicate with his poor command of English, so I ended things with him. Since then,I've never met another guy,and I felt like regressing back to where I was before I met him. So I indulged myself with Tera Online and it worked for a while.
Few things that I realized being with him was how I was not okay at all with my body despite having someone else being okay with it. I couldn't comprehend how he was able to find it attractive. That was the major reason I couldn't meet someone new.
And another thing is,I finally realize I have Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD). All the symptoms, most of them, exist throughout my life. And it got worse after I had that big fight. Even on the internet, I could get very conscious that after I post something in this forum, I would stop browsing it and anxiously wait till tomorrow (I usually post at night). Then when I see some replies or notification, I'd get small anxiety attack just to read it. And when I wanted to ask sexual stuff, I just couldn't bring myself to ask openly and had to use the anonymous option even though it was really trivial. It's probably why I waited this long to get back here. I still haven't seen any psychologist for my SAD. I'm finally graduating and about to work and I'm afraid it's gonna get in the way of my career. I mean,it already has during my internship. But the cost of seeing a therapist here is too expensive for me (RM350/hour) and even with a fresh graduate salary, I don't think I could afford it. I'm left with my self,asking my parents wasn't any good either as my mom insisted it could be treated with more religious activities.
So that pretty much sum it up. TLDR; Hi people, I'm an old returning member,nice to meet y'all~
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