Help me please to decide to go for break up today or not!!!

[zaleemzamana]

My post will be a little long, full of grammer mistakes since english is not my native language.

I really want advice, anything will do, on my relationship thing, now I am about to get mad. Today I had a really bad day, and was searching on Google about how to to know if someone is in a relationship with a psycho. I think my partner fits the description totally... And I think I should also take the blame.

Back ground story:
I got curious about my sexuality when I was 20, got into relationship with someone online, who was 1500 kms away from me, so it was long distance, I really like that guy, not to say that I loved him. But then moved to another city for studies and wanted to have some fun, so we broke up coz long distance relationship doesnt work, I thought.

Next scenes, here enters my ncurrent bf. At first when we met, it felt like its not gonna work becoz, first we both were more top and second tht he was totally opposite of what I wanted. He was an alcohol addict, was emotionally immature, almost child like, and alone. All in all he was very in secure.
We started meeting offen, coz we both were new in the city, and started spending time. Then after some time we got into relationship after lots of discussion, like my reasons for not coming out and his alcohol addiction, which is very bad coz he go on full psycho after drinking some vodka.
I think the reason we got into relationship was love and also other benefits, benefits were mutual, as in any other relationship and also becoz I thought that he was very innocent, my bf has a knack for Self destruction, like for example, he had come to this new city for doing his graduation, he enrolled in the University but didnt attend it coz he was feeling very in secure and lacks ofof Confidence, so he wasted his whole one year just doing nothing.


Now the main part on which I want your advice:

I think that he is so innocent and anyone can take advantage of him . so dont want to leave him.

I love him.

He is very controlling and possessive, like if anyone is gay and I talk to them, even if just as a friend, he gets jealous and starts crying and throw another of his tantrum

He is emotionally very weak I think. Like for one incidence at one time he called on phone my ex, then my ex bf called him a concubine, I tried to calm everyone down. IMorning everything was fine but in night after consuming some vodka suits... He tried to beat me, and cut me with by breaking vodka bottle on me lol... I dont even know when I was sleeping. So he had done things like that. We broke upup butbI didnt left him alone, I was afraid that he might dp some stupid things to him Self.


The most fucked up part is I proposed him again, because he was too sexy, and I thought I am in love with him and shouldnt leave him alone or he is gonna Self destruct him Self. Even his family members say that now only I can save him. They think I am his best friend.

But even after that his bitching and fighting didnt stopped. And the worst things happened in the last 1 week... When I am not with, and in another state, visiting my family.

Though we almost fight daily and its a common routine now, but on 29th August day I started talking about how his anniversary plan for us is bad, but he got sad and angry and started drinking Then in the middle of the night went to another guys house, who is known for one night stand, a SLUT should be a perfect adjective for him. There he met 2-3 more guyz.. ND he was almost raped there, but he got out some how., I didnt knew about this but he told me about This incident on our first anniversary.
He even blamed me for it, that because of me he felt so in secure that he wanted to talk to someone and he didnt go there for sex.

Again I got into his words. And we patch up, I even said that I wont keep any contact with any gay person of thats what he wants and thats what it takes to improve this relationship. He said OK and promised me he wont drink alcohol now and will improve. Yesterday he promised me that.

Now today we started talking, had some nice discussion funny and romantic ones... But after some time it turned into an argument.
Actually the fault is mine, I thought that I can be a little play full, thinking that everything is settled now. But I burnt a hornets nest by saying to him that after I complete my degree, I might have to go somewhere and then we might not be together.

Then he OK, and stopped responding to my msgs, ND texted I love you.
I thought he got angry... But
After an hour he texted me, saying sorry. And how much he loves me and how I am the best
But he said sorry, and then said now I should use condoms with him coz he is in bed with someone else. And also he took tht injection drug. And by the looks of it, he was barely able to text.... So might have taken the drug... I dont know for sure...

I am unable to sleep after this... And worried and angry or both. I think my mind is gonna explode this very next moment. I think I have to draw a line now.
But again considering his immature behavior, should I give him one more chance? Becoz if I am not there to support him,emotionally, then soon his life will turn into gutters.
My life is already a hell, I really had so many Beautiful
and unforgetable experience with him, that I dont want to give up.
But considering these blunders that he is intentionally making to control me.... I dont know what to do.
I just want peace and love...

Plz help me out anyone.
I am doomed if I leave him, and doomed if I dont

[IanSaysHi]

Wow. I don't envy your situation. At the end of the day, you have to make this choice.. All I will say is I could write an essay here, but instead I would just read through what you wrote and count how many positive things you wrote about your relationship, and how many negative. It's usually by stepping back and doing something like that that you realise what you're trying to tell yourself.

Whatever your choice, it won't be easy but I genuinely wish you luck!

[zaleemzamana]

Whatever your choice, it won't be easy but I genuinely wish you luck!

Thanks, coz I will need it to deal with this situation. The main reason I posted here is because I just wanted to say that I am not wrong.
At the end of day, only I will be making decision, I know thata, just wanted
To make suresure tht I dont make aa wrong one.

[Anocxu]

Too much chaos to nurture a successful relationship.

Doomed if you leave him?
Not at all..
Removing yourself from this situation should open the door for substantial events in your life... unless you repeat this scenario with someone else.

In your own words..
What do you consider a healthy, loving relationship to be?

An opinion..?
Separate..
Stay single..
Detox from all this trauma . .
An honest observation?

You might be keeping him safe.. but you are not helping him.
He might not be drinking or doing drugs anymore..
But this is classic addict behavior.

You would be so much better off on your own.

[MikeW]

I am doomed if I leave him, and doomed if I dont

Actually, no you're not. That's just your own crazy talking.

No one can save anyone from themselves. Your friend needs to get his life together. You can't do that for him. No one can. Trying to save someone who won't do what he needs to do to save himself will only drag you further into his mess.

[Anocxu]

Thanks, coz I will need it to deal with this situation. The main reason I posted here is because I just wanted to say that I am not wrong.
At the end of day, only I will be making decision, I know thata, just wanted
To make suresure tht I dont make aa wrong one.

It's not about being wrong or right..
You care deeply for this guy, but the events you described in your opening post is indicative of self neglect... in other words...

You should take better care of yourself.
The trauma/ drama battered house wife setting will do you no good.

Your man needs to stand on his own two feet .
I've always had a theory that addiction under the wrong circumstances can be infectious.
He might have been addicted to Alcohol and drugs is there a possibility you have become addicted to him?

The reason I wrote that comment ?
I read all the crazy things you tolerated in your opening post..

You Starting this thread was a brilliant Idea..
I hope things get better for you..

[zaleemzamana]

Yes, I think I might be addicted to him, because he is so good, when he doesnt do drama like these.
But then everyone is not perfect, but the problem is his unrational ways and just that he is so possessive about me.

NowNhe he is saying sorrysorry, but I didnt listened then he started blaming me that I wanted to have break up and Iplanned it.

But if I leave him, ND if he destroys his life after that, can I be blamed morally?

[Camfer]

He will pull you into his problems for exactly the amount of time you let him do it.

Just because you love someone doesn't mean you can be with him. You can still love him from a distance, but not be his boyfriend, and not get caught up in all his poor choices, manipulations, and emotional turmoil. Look, manipulators will give you just enough good times so you put up with all the horrible times. But the bad times will outweigh the good, I promise you that.

So you've told us a lot about his issues, but what about yours? Why do you have this idea that you can save him? Stop this fantasy that you can be the hero here. Sure, it might make you feel good about yourself, that you are the only one that leaps to his rescue. But could that just be your own savior complex? Why would you be with someone who has physically and emotionally abused you? I would not put up with that for a day!

You are in no way doomed if you leave him. In fact you will be better off for it. Wake up from this nightmare you have created for yourself. Choose your friends and partners more wisely in the future. Forgive me for being this blunt: your choice of this man reflects poorly on you, so set some standards in your life on who you choose to associate with. You don't need this drama in your life.

Wishing you much clarity and openness to hear what people are telling you.

[zaleemzamana]

I think you all are right. I got into relationship just coz I had this savior complex. I thought I could change him for good, make his and my life wonderful, but only the opposite had happened.
Yes there were lots of Good things but bad things outweighs them.

Now I have decided to move on

[zaleemzamana]

Another update, we had a talk, and he said sorry, but when I ignored it he started blaming me that I had planned it all along and that he said sorry and what more do I want from him.... As if it was nothing.
Well, now my conviction to leave him grow stronger with every word that he utters.

I just hope that I am morally right and doing the right thing for my own life.

Thanks everyone again, and God bless you all for so such nice advices.