a second chance or let it go?

[doublex]

Hi everyone. I'm quite new here. I have no idea that my problem is common or not, so I need a few thoughts on this particular situation please...

I've been with my bf for almost 2 years now. We've met on Jack'd and after that we lived together and he said those apps are no need for us anymore. We agreed to delete them.

The problem happened recently, I went back to my home country for a couple months but he was still in Australia. We talked everyday until I come back to Australia. This time we don't live together because he has to live closer to the city and I have to live with my cousin. He still loves me the same way as before or even better. I've noticed that he's focused on his phone more than usual but I didn't mind much until I saw an notification of Jack'd and many more gay apps on his phone so I checked his phone and found that his profile is a masseur with photo of his shirtless top without his face. I wouldn't mind if he just wanted to do a massage because he used to work in a massage shop but the thing is he asked many guys to come over to his place and sucked their cocks or even had sex and exchanged some cock pics and it's still going on even I'm back to Australia.
The most difficult thing that I could accept is he asked a guy to come over on his birthday after we had a party with a present from me.

To be honest, we have never had anal sex because we are both top and our sex is quite boring just finishing by hands or oral sex which I've mostly done for him but he's rarely done oral for me. he usually just lies down and do nothing until we finished.

I just broke up with him today because he didn't accept the things that he's done until I showed the evidences to him and after that he asked me for a second chance.

Should I give him a second chance because I still love him or should I end the story for good?

I'd appreciate any advice. Thank you

[TigerLover]

Honestly he's clearly not happy with the sex in the relationship you admit to not being happy with the sex. And you're two young men.

I'm impressed you made it two years, you don't sound sexually compatible at all.

[East]

I can't tell you what to do of course...but if I were in your shoes...the lie would kill it for me. I might be OK with him having sex with someone IF he told the truth about it. The second chance thing..not likely...

The thing I CAN tell you for future reference...and tell you with certainty...is if you do give him another chance.....remember when he does it again..you are NOT his victim. Living life with a victim mentality is pretty much like being dead...and alive..at the same time...

So...own it now...own that you know he is a liar and very likely will lie again..and when you do leave him..do it with your held held high...and never pretend you didn't know who and what you were dealing with. That way...you can move on to the next chapter of your life with no baggage or serial drama...

[doublex]

Honestly he's clearly not happy with the sex in the relationship you admit to not being happy with the sex. And you're two young men.

I'm impressed you made it two years, you don't sound sexually compatible at all.

I know sex is important for the relationship but for me there are so many things that I prioritise more than sex.

[Edward]

I know sex is important for the relationship but for me there are so many things that I prioritise more than sex.

That's right - YOU. Maybe for him sex is the priority in relationships. It seems that even after 2 years you don't even know your boyfriend. Obviously he's not satisfied with what you two have in this field.

Has there been a cheating? If yes then you need to know where you stand in this - forgive, not forgive. If he hasn't cheated for real, then you should have a serious conversation because sex is important part of relationship and it's not fair if he has to suffer from your low libido. Then you're not the right people each for other.

[doublex]

That's right - YOU. Maybe for him sex is the priority in relationships. It seems that even after 2 years you don't even know your boyfriend. Obviously he's not satisfied with what you two have in this field.

Has there been a cheating? If yes then you need to know where you stand in this - forgive, not forgive. If he hasn't cheated for real, then you should have a serious conversation because sex is important part of relationship and it's not fair if he has to suffer from your low libido. Then you're not the right people each for other.

I appreciate your advice. There has been no cheating at all until this situation. I'm not quite sure that I have low libido though because I masturbate almost everyday and we used to have sex at least 3 times a week.
Actually, I'm a masseur as well and I met a great number of guys want to have sex with me but every time his face pop up in my head then I stopped it before everything goes wrong. Many friends of mine told me that I am a too nice guy.

[TigerLover]

I know sex is important for the relationship but for me there are so many things that I prioritise more than sex.

I agree and i get what you're saying I really do.

However that is like saying that water is so much more than just oxygen. While it's technically correct without oxygen there is no water.
Likewise sex is only one part of a relationship But without satisfying sex it will never be a healthy relationship.

Its not for me to say if you can forgive him, it's not for me to say if you can trust him again. But this I say with absaloute certainty.

If you go back to him you must improve the sex or this and probably much worse will happen again.

And if you leave him for good try to think a little more about sexual compatibility in future dating.

[doublex]

I agree and i get what you're saying I really do.

However that is like saying that water is so much more than just oxygen. While it's technically correct without oxygen there is no water.
Likewise sex is only one part of a relationship But without satisfying sex it will never be a healthy relationship.

Its not for me to say if you can forgive him, it's not for me to say if you can trust him again. But this I say with absaloute certainty.

If you go back to him you must improve the sex or this and probably much worse will happen again.


And if you leave him for good try to think a little more about sexual compatibility in future dating.

Thank you. As you say, I've learned from this experience to be stronger in the future and to improve about sex and sexual compatibility as well. He and I are first bf to each other and that's why we were clueless about sexual compatibility.

[Rareboy]

Ditch him.

There are no second chances.

He's never going to change.

[IanSaysHi]

I just broke up with him today because he didn't accept the things that he's done until I showed the evidences to him

He couldn't even admit to it until you showed him the evidence. If it was me, nope. As I always say, it's never nice but I think you can do better.