Is he still attracted/Is there a chance in the future?
10-13-2015, 04:18 PM
Hi everyone! I'm trying to get some advice and I want to get it from someone who is fully informed so this post will probably be fairly long, so if you read it all I really appreciate it! Okay here it goes:
To start off, Im a 21 year old gay man from Texas who just recently came out to his family and close friends and is in his senior year of college as a vocal performance major in opera. I've never been in a relationship before and I'm a virgin still. I was very being happy single until recent events.
Over the summer I went to a nine week summer intensive for opera. I was at the point in my sexuality where if people assumed I was gay I would just go with it. That is exactly what happened and I ended up meeting someone a week in. He was 6 foot 5, very handsome, one of the nicest people I've ever met, and has one of the best singing voices I've ever heard. He is also a senior in college and currently lives in Michigan.
He was the first guy in my life that seemed worth going for something with. At the beginning of week two was when we hit it off. Nothing sexual or anything we just held hands and kissed and cuddled and stuff. During that time he told me the first time he saw me across the room he thought I was the most handsome man he'd ever met and more couply things like that. We also found out that our top two grad schools were the same for next year. It was all really great until I psyched myself out. Because I hadnt come out to anyone at home I thought I would be lying to everyone if I went into a relationship. Plus I didnt want my first relationship to be a summer fling or a long distance relationship. He agreed it was for the best so we decided to be really close friends. That was probably my biggest regret of the summer.
Over the next few weeks we stayed great friends. We were part of a group of four that got really close and he was so great to me even after all that stuff from before. At some point during the summer I got pretty sick and he offered I take his car for the trips to the doctor and he took my lunch shifts without even having me ask. He always wanted to make sure I was doing well and he was honestly just so great to me even as a friend.
During the last week and a half I started finding myself attracted to him again without the fear of everything else that killed my spark before. We got really close again. Again nothing sexual we just made out once or twice and were very physical and cuddly with eachother. The last night of the program he wrote me a letter. I wont go into full detail because it was kind of long but basically it would just say things like I was the sweetest man he'd ever met and that I was a true treasure etc. He also said that his feelings for me wont go away so he would prefer to just say see you later and not good bye. He also kissed me that night and while we were hugging he said "you know when something just feels right?" Then the next day he kissed me before I left and said "It's not over."
After I left I was fully prepared for us to just be friends because I knew we werent "official" and we werent together long enough to go for long distance. About two days later he texted me about how I was on his mind a lot and was so glad that I am a part of his life. Then we started texting a lot over the next few weeks. He would tell me how much he missed me and how if we end up at the same grad school that the world better watch out and just more flirty things like that. It was great and I always reciprocated when he texted me those things. Then we skyped about two weeks after the program and it lasted for 3 and a half hours. It was wonderful. School started for me about two weeks before him, but then when his classes started things started to change.
When school started for him he started to text me less and was less flirty. I started to get really worried about it because I was about to ask if he wanted to try and long distance relationship. I also was thrown off because it always felt like he was doing the chasing and now it wasn't the case. About a week in of this I decided to call him and asked if he was losing interest. He told me he thought we were just continuing the flirty thing we were and that he wasnt sure of what we really were and that he cant do long distance. He said he's a very physical person (holding hands, cuddling etc.) and when he doesn't have that he feels distant. Before me he had only been in two relationships and both were this year (2015). One of them was long distance and it didnt end well at all and he told me that I meant so much to him that he didnt want to lose me down the line when it would be harder. He also told me he was going through a really rough patch. He told me what it was but I'll leave that out. It's nothing major or life-changing, its just enough where he has to make sure not to split his focus anymore than he needs to, and it completely makes sense. We both cried about it over the phone and eventually agreed to stay close friends.
Obviously for the next week or so I was devastated. I had never had anyone like that before in my life and losing that aspect was really hard and a whole new feeling I had never experienced before. This was when I came out to my family and close friends because they knew something was off and I wasnt as cheery as I usually am. Oddly enough as a friend the guy from the summer was really helpful. I called him a few more times that week to get more answers and he said he had no intention of leading me on and he felt so bad that it hurt me like it did. It really did all come down to distance being why we couldnt work out right now. I agree with him on that. I would just find more things to worry about if we tried a LDR.
The next week I was doing better but decided to write down everything I was feeling as a reply to the letter he sent me on the last day of the summer program. I had no intention of sending him it, but it ended up becoming a glorified thank you note so I decided to send it anyway. A few days later he texted me telling me he got the letter and he was so thankful I sent it. He told me he wasnt sure what he wants or needs right now and that he is trying to get through this rough patch hes in so it will help him in all aspects of his life, including his relationship with me. He also told me that I was one of the best people in his life and that he needs to treasure me. Later that day we skyped and it was back to how we were as close friends and it was great!
Fast forward about two weeks to right now. We still talk at least a little bit every other day or so whether its snapchat or group texts or occasionally one on one. When it's one on one I'm usually the one that initiates but he responds basically every time I send him anything. I used to be worried he was trying to phase me out of his life but that's not really a concern anymore. We are definitely still good friends! I'm trying to give him some distance and not text first for a little while so I dont come of as needy or clingy. I still do mean something to him, I'm just not 100% sure what right now.
So my concerns all come down to two main things that have to do with the future:
1) In about 5 weeks we are both going to visit one of the two grad schools we were very interested in. We are both going to be there for about three days. I would love to go back to a little bit of what we were, but I'm worried he's just not attracted to me anymore. Logically I think he still will be at least a little, but I cant be sure. I'm also worried that he is still attracted, but doesnt want to be too close because he doesnt want to hurt me again when we head back home. I know it wont hurt me now that I know nothing will come out of it just yet. I just want a validation of his feelings and to maybe just live for the moment.
2) My bigger concern logically seems a lot less possible so I shouldnt worry but I always get suspicious. I'm worried that we will pick the same grad school (which is very likely at the moment because we are both leaning toward the same one. Its not because of him I'm picking it, its just a coincidence) and that he wont be attracted to me. I know we agreed if we pick the same school that we would do something long-term, but I know anything can change and I'm so new to this I dont know what will change and what will stay the same. I know I'll move on, but I would love to give this a shot if the opportunity presents itself because this really feels like something different than a crush. Something a lot deeper. I've never met anyone like him and from what he said over the summer I think a part of him feels the same.
So that's my story. I know yall dont know everything about me, but from what you've read does it seem like there could be a chance for this? I'm not really looking for anyone new because I dont want something local my senior year when I'm about to leave. I'm pretty sure I'll still feel something a year from now, especially considering I'm going to see him a decent amount of times throughout the next year because of auditions for schools and stuff. So do you think there is a chance he'll still be attracted to me in November/next year? I have no experience in this field so anyone with more wisdom on this I would love to hear from. Thank you for reading and have a great day!
To start off, Im a 21 year old gay man from Texas who just recently came out to his family and close friends and is in his senior year of college as a vocal performance major in opera. I've never been in a relationship before and I'm a virgin still. I was very being happy single until recent events.
Over the summer I went to a nine week summer intensive for opera. I was at the point in my sexuality where if people assumed I was gay I would just go with it. That is exactly what happened and I ended up meeting someone a week in. He was 6 foot 5, very handsome, one of the nicest people I've ever met, and has one of the best singing voices I've ever heard. He is also a senior in college and currently lives in Michigan.
He was the first guy in my life that seemed worth going for something with. At the beginning of week two was when we hit it off. Nothing sexual or anything we just held hands and kissed and cuddled and stuff. During that time he told me the first time he saw me across the room he thought I was the most handsome man he'd ever met and more couply things like that. We also found out that our top two grad schools were the same for next year. It was all really great until I psyched myself out. Because I hadnt come out to anyone at home I thought I would be lying to everyone if I went into a relationship. Plus I didnt want my first relationship to be a summer fling or a long distance relationship. He agreed it was for the best so we decided to be really close friends. That was probably my biggest regret of the summer.
Over the next few weeks we stayed great friends. We were part of a group of four that got really close and he was so great to me even after all that stuff from before. At some point during the summer I got pretty sick and he offered I take his car for the trips to the doctor and he took my lunch shifts without even having me ask. He always wanted to make sure I was doing well and he was honestly just so great to me even as a friend.
During the last week and a half I started finding myself attracted to him again without the fear of everything else that killed my spark before. We got really close again. Again nothing sexual we just made out once or twice and were very physical and cuddly with eachother. The last night of the program he wrote me a letter. I wont go into full detail because it was kind of long but basically it would just say things like I was the sweetest man he'd ever met and that I was a true treasure etc. He also said that his feelings for me wont go away so he would prefer to just say see you later and not good bye. He also kissed me that night and while we were hugging he said "you know when something just feels right?" Then the next day he kissed me before I left and said "It's not over."
After I left I was fully prepared for us to just be friends because I knew we werent "official" and we werent together long enough to go for long distance. About two days later he texted me about how I was on his mind a lot and was so glad that I am a part of his life. Then we started texting a lot over the next few weeks. He would tell me how much he missed me and how if we end up at the same grad school that the world better watch out and just more flirty things like that. It was great and I always reciprocated when he texted me those things. Then we skyped about two weeks after the program and it lasted for 3 and a half hours. It was wonderful. School started for me about two weeks before him, but then when his classes started things started to change.
When school started for him he started to text me less and was less flirty. I started to get really worried about it because I was about to ask if he wanted to try and long distance relationship. I also was thrown off because it always felt like he was doing the chasing and now it wasn't the case. About a week in of this I decided to call him and asked if he was losing interest. He told me he thought we were just continuing the flirty thing we were and that he wasnt sure of what we really were and that he cant do long distance. He said he's a very physical person (holding hands, cuddling etc.) and when he doesn't have that he feels distant. Before me he had only been in two relationships and both were this year (2015). One of them was long distance and it didnt end well at all and he told me that I meant so much to him that he didnt want to lose me down the line when it would be harder. He also told me he was going through a really rough patch. He told me what it was but I'll leave that out. It's nothing major or life-changing, its just enough where he has to make sure not to split his focus anymore than he needs to, and it completely makes sense. We both cried about it over the phone and eventually agreed to stay close friends.
Obviously for the next week or so I was devastated. I had never had anyone like that before in my life and losing that aspect was really hard and a whole new feeling I had never experienced before. This was when I came out to my family and close friends because they knew something was off and I wasnt as cheery as I usually am. Oddly enough as a friend the guy from the summer was really helpful. I called him a few more times that week to get more answers and he said he had no intention of leading me on and he felt so bad that it hurt me like it did. It really did all come down to distance being why we couldnt work out right now. I agree with him on that. I would just find more things to worry about if we tried a LDR.
The next week I was doing better but decided to write down everything I was feeling as a reply to the letter he sent me on the last day of the summer program. I had no intention of sending him it, but it ended up becoming a glorified thank you note so I decided to send it anyway. A few days later he texted me telling me he got the letter and he was so thankful I sent it. He told me he wasnt sure what he wants or needs right now and that he is trying to get through this rough patch hes in so it will help him in all aspects of his life, including his relationship with me. He also told me that I was one of the best people in his life and that he needs to treasure me. Later that day we skyped and it was back to how we were as close friends and it was great!
Fast forward about two weeks to right now. We still talk at least a little bit every other day or so whether its snapchat or group texts or occasionally one on one. When it's one on one I'm usually the one that initiates but he responds basically every time I send him anything. I used to be worried he was trying to phase me out of his life but that's not really a concern anymore. We are definitely still good friends! I'm trying to give him some distance and not text first for a little while so I dont come of as needy or clingy. I still do mean something to him, I'm just not 100% sure what right now.
So my concerns all come down to two main things that have to do with the future:
1) In about 5 weeks we are both going to visit one of the two grad schools we were very interested in. We are both going to be there for about three days. I would love to go back to a little bit of what we were, but I'm worried he's just not attracted to me anymore. Logically I think he still will be at least a little, but I cant be sure. I'm also worried that he is still attracted, but doesnt want to be too close because he doesnt want to hurt me again when we head back home. I know it wont hurt me now that I know nothing will come out of it just yet. I just want a validation of his feelings and to maybe just live for the moment.
2) My bigger concern logically seems a lot less possible so I shouldnt worry but I always get suspicious. I'm worried that we will pick the same grad school (which is very likely at the moment because we are both leaning toward the same one. Its not because of him I'm picking it, its just a coincidence) and that he wont be attracted to me. I know we agreed if we pick the same school that we would do something long-term, but I know anything can change and I'm so new to this I dont know what will change and what will stay the same. I know I'll move on, but I would love to give this a shot if the opportunity presents itself because this really feels like something different than a crush. Something a lot deeper. I've never met anyone like him and from what he said over the summer I think a part of him feels the same.
So that's my story. I know yall dont know everything about me, but from what you've read does it seem like there could be a chance for this? I'm not really looking for anyone new because I dont want something local my senior year when I'm about to leave. I'm pretty sure I'll still feel something a year from now, especially considering I'm going to see him a decent amount of times throughout the next year because of auditions for schools and stuff. So do you think there is a chance he'll still be attracted to me in November/next year? I have no experience in this field so anyone with more wisdom on this I would love to hear from. Thank you for reading and have a great day!
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