I met this French guy at a gathering event in a youth center that I volunteer in. Anyway, he works for an NGO that takes care of the Syrian refugees. Meeting him came into my advantage since I was in need of someone who would help me practice/ enhance my French so knowing him was a great deal for me. We kept in touch and kept hanging out whenever he is in town which is a couple times a week. So I decided to come out to him and I did which was fine with him cuz he was also Bi himself. Anyway, he is so sweet I just thought he might like me cuz whenever he is out of the country on a vacation or smth he brings me a gift. He is super supportive and encouraging, and the way he treats me gave me mixed signals and made me doubt that he has more than friendship feelings for me. He always says that he is lucky and proud to know me, and idk.. Lots of sweet things like that. Last night, while we were talking, I asked him if he liked someone would he tell them? He said, No. So when I asked why he said because he is dealing with abundance syndrome which is he thinks that no one could ever love him or want to be with him. Which to me, is complete BULLSHIT. Cuz he is an amazing person. Thing is though, if he did like me I can't see us past friendship. I only have friendship feelings for him and idk if he does or he has more than that for me... He even told me that when I'm done with college and couldn't make it to France on my own that he'd help me get there which is just too generous. Lol. But I'm not going to count on him for that since I wanna do it myself, my way.. What do you think I should tell him? How should I talk about this? since Idk myself if he like me or not.. I mean, I want some clarity on the subject cuz he is sending lots of mixed signals to me.. ?? :/
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verysimple Wrote:....What do you think I should tell him? How should I talk about this? since Idk myself if he like me or not.. I mean, I want some clarity on the subject cuz he is sending lots of mixed signals to me.. ?? :/ First of all, lets be clear about something. YOU are interpreting his actions as "mixed signals." I'm not saying you are wrong. I'm saying this is how you are experiencing it and it is important you take responsibility for this perception.
I have a younger, straight male friend who is VERY touch-feely. He hugs me. He puts his arms around me. He rubs my shoulders, pats my back. gives me fist bumps and so on. Now I *could* interpret these as "mixed signals" but the fact is, in this instance, I know for a fact he is straight (not even bi) and he's just being himself. This is how he is with all his male friends. It is *I* who feel somewhat uncomfortable with it because, to me, it is flirtatious. To him it isn't at all. It's just being a buddy.
So, is there any reason you can't say to your friend straight up, "I appreciate your friendship and all you're saying and doing for me but I'm also feeling confused, unsure whether you are sending me signals that you like me (as more than a friend) or not. So, could you help me understand? Are you sending me signals or am I just being overly sensitive or what?"
There may be some reason you can't just ask him (in your own words) what's going on but if so I don't yet understand what it is.
This is what I had to do with my straight buddy. He had no idea I was feeling uncomfortable so I had to explain it to him. That, for me, having a good looking young man touch me was pleasurable. I don't want him to feel he can't be that way with me but on the other hand, I need him to know that on my end it can suggest things he doesn't intend. He hadn't even thought about it! o.0 (Clueless straight boys, LOL!) So, just saying this to him helped me feel less uncomfortable and I think helped him understand that his behavior, though nice and friendly, could be misinterpreted.
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Sometimes situations like this need to be left as they are. If you encourage him to potentially say he likes you more than a friend, and you respond by saying you only see him as a friend, it could strain or ruin the friendship, especially if he feels hurt or embarrassed. If he truly does like you more, then it will be up to him to grow in confidence (which will be good for him) in order to confront you with his true feelings.
I'd just enjoy the friendship you have. That's my advice anyway 
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IanSaysHi Wrote:Sometimes situations like this need to be left as they are. If you encourage him to potentially say he likes you more than a friend, and you respond by saying you only see him as a friend, it could strain or ruin the friendship, especially if he feels hurt or embarrassed. If he truly does like you more, then it will be up to him to grow in confidence (which will be good for him) in order to confront you with his true feelings.
I'd just enjoy the friendship you have. That's my advice anyway
Thanks dude, actually that's what I was going for I just wasn't sure it would help build tension between us or not.. Anyway, incase that happened it is him who needs to talk about it first which in his case he prolly wouldn't but I also won't talk about it simply cuz I am liking our friendship the way it is and I don't want anything to ruin it.. lol
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MikeW Wrote:First of all, lets be clear about something. YOU are interpreting his actions as "mixed signals." I'm not saying you are wrong. I'm saying this is how you are experiencing it and it is important you take responsibility for this perception.
I have a younger, straight male friend who is VERY touch-feely. He hugs me. He puts his arms around me. He rubs my shoulders, pats my back. gives me fist bumps and so on. Now I *could* interpret these as "mixed signals" but the fact is, in this instance, I know for a fact he is straight (not even bi) and he's just being himself. This is how he is with all his male friends. It is *I* who feel somewhat uncomfortable with it because, to me, it is flirtatious. To him it isn't at all. It's just being a buddy.
So, is there any reason you can't say to your friend straight up, "I appreciate your friendship and all you're saying and doing for me but I'm also feeling confused, unsure whether you are sending me signals that you like me (as more than a friend) or not. So, could you help me understand? Are you sending me signals or am I just being overly sensitive or what?"
There may be some reason you can't just ask him (in your own words) what's going on but if so I don't yet understand what it is.
This is what I had to do with my straight buddy. He had no idea I was feeling uncomfortable so I had to explain it to him. That, for me, having a good looking young man touch me was pleasurable. I don't want him to feel he can't be that way with me but on the other hand, I need him to know that on my end it can suggest things he doesn't intend. He hadn't even thought about it! o.0 (Clueless straight boys, LOL!) So, just saying this to him helped me feel less uncomfortable and I think helped him understand that his behavior, though nice and friendly, could be misinterpreted.
Ok, saying that might actually encourage his feelings and promote them.. Not that it's bothering me, I mean sure some clarity is good but also bringing this up could ruin our friendship which is something I don't want.. If however, things evolve or I notice things evolving I'll prolly talk about it but for now it's all good haha.. btw, missed ya on here.. where ya been dude???!
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[MENTION=21000]verysimple[/MENTION]
I don't see how clarifying what's going on would either "encourage" him or significantly change your friendship. But then, I'm not there and I don't know either of you.
I'm working my fingers to the bone and m eyeballs blind. When I'm not doing that I'm either zoned out watching some stupid Netflix program or jerking off to porn until I go unconscious. I just pop in here at odd moments when I have the chance. Off to work.... !
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MikeW Wrote:[MENTION=21000]verysimple[/MENTION]
I don't see how clarifying what's going on would either "encourage" him or significantly change your friendship. But then, I'm not there and I don't know either of you.
I'm working my fingers to the bone and m eyeballs blind. When I'm not doing that I'm either zoned out watching some stupid Netflix program or jerking off to porn until I go unconscious. I just pop in here at odd moments when I have the chance. Off to work.... !
Ok, let's be clear on one thing and that is you FUCKING know me. Alright? U k my past, my present and my future so yeah, u k me hella better than a lot of ppl do.. So don't say you don't k me. haha, 
Clarifying what's going on isn't always the answer to things.. It could sometimes ruin things... I mean like I said, I'll clarify when it feels like it and when it is time to "Clarify" ..
Well, clearly cuz I can't get a hold of u since I've been here more than usual lately.. lol
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