Should I make it clear from the start?

[iamdukenguyen]

Hello guys.

This is my first post here. I need your advices.

First of all I want to say something about myself. As many other Asian gay. I'm a potato queen. It's not I'm a racist bitch. It's just the way I feel and I was attracted by hairy body. I'm just 20 ys but I always seek for a relationship. I had some relationship with Western men but none of them last for more than 5 months. Guys said that I'm a good and sweet guy but I fall in love too fast and too strong. Yes - I used to act like a crazy boy in love but I grew up after. For the last relationship I have. I stop text too much and date once per week - only on the weekend. I tried to build up a long-term relationship and enjoy every moment I have with the guy but he still said that he feel breathless and get too much stress and pressure. He only tell me that when he says me goodbye. After the relationship, I stopped dating for awhile. I really can't understand how White guy think about a relationship or it was just I expected too much.

I helped them as much as I could cuz they were all new to the city but one of them said I used him to meet his white friends. This do hurt me a lot but I still fall for white guy. I feel like I'm always give more than take.

I'm sorry for talking about my bad experience with white guy too much and I'm truly sorry white guy who reading this.

Now this is what I want to ask for your advice:

I met a guy on Grindr. He's doing an internship in my city for 4 months. We were talking almost everyday. We hang out sometimes. It's been 2 weeks until now. I'm trying to play it cool. No bomb him with text. No call. Spend my free time to do my hobbies to stop thinking about him too much. He always says he enjoy when we hang out together but he never make any plan or asking me out. I know I like him (Now I believe that my defense is really short and thin). I wonder if he likes me too. We're planning to go out for a movie tomorrow night. Should I ask how he feel about me and make it clear? Or what should I do? I want to keep it like this but I don't want to expect too much for something I don't know. I'm a kind of stupid and easy to believe people.

I'm sorry for my bad English but I hope that you guys would understand. Thanks for spending your time to read this. Hope to get your advices soon. Love you all!!!

[Edward]

It's always better to be clear about things. Less problems for you and the other person.

[LJay]

If he is there for four months, you must accept that he will leave. During the time that you have to get to know each other--four months is not really that long--it may be more important to enjoy each other's company than to state the nature of feelings. I think you are young and rushing it.

Just enjoy having a friend.

[Darius]

It's only been two weeks, I would not ask him how he feels about you. I think how you describe your past behavior comes across as clinginess to others. That turns off most people. With this new guy, I would just work at friendship and try not to see him as a possible relationship material.
Just hang out with him like you would any friend. Let him get to know the real you.

I think you know that it is not uncommon for asians to prefer westerners. I would stop referring to yourself as a potato queen, it's such a stereotype. Do you want guys to be attracted to you only because you are asian? It's kind of like being attracted to black guys because you think they all have big cocks. There is more to all of us than just what shows on the outside. Let the real Duke come out.
It must not be easy to meet white guys in VN for long lasting relationships, is it?

[iamdukenguyen]

I'm sorry for reply late. Thanks guys for the advices.
Yes. I find that I'm an annoying person to rushing the relationship too fast. I made it clear with him tonight. He said that he's only looking for friends. I think I will keep the friendship that we're having now. We just went out for dinner and movie. Everything seems smooth and he's kinda like it. We making some other plans to go out of the city. Hopefully the sparks will burn :-)
[MENTION=21957]Darius[/MENTION] Thank you so much for your advice!! Especially about my thinking about potato queen!!! You just changed my mind.
Yes!! It's not really easy. Very few white guy stays in Hanoi. Others are all traveller. Even for the guy who stays, they will just go for the short-term relationship then leave. Also tradition is a big problem. And not only me be attracted by white guy here. I have to fight with another 1xxx guys in that game.

[iamdukenguyen]

Thanks you for the advices. I replied last night but I don't know my msg did not appear.
I made it clear with him last night. He said he's only looking for friends. I think it's true. He text me recently but never touch me even by accident :-) I think I would stay with the friendship. Sometimes it just meant to be that way. Also I find that I'm an annoying person to rush the relationship too fast. I have to change.

Darius: Thanks for your advices specially about the potato queen. I think I should stop thinking about ethnic too much. I just don't know how to flirt with a men. All the tips and rules that I read on the internet is for str8 couple. Men doesn't think like girl. And yes - It is hard to find a white guy in Hanoi. Not many white stay here and not all of them was gay. For the ones who stay (normally 1 year or a bit more), they prefer the short-term relationship and spend time with the buddy. I'm not the only one who was attracted by white guy here. It's like a battle field hahaa.

[Emiliano]

What do you think it is about white men specifically that attracts you? Is it purely skin tone? I mean, I doubt that you find every and any white man attractive, there must be certain traits that you perceive as desirable that you are also seeing as exclusive to them.

[iamdukenguyen]

What do you think it is about white men specifically that attracts you? Is it purely skin tone? I mean, I doubt that you find every and any white man attractive, there must be certain traits that you perceive as desirable that you are also seeing as exclusive to them.

No. I'm not attracted by every White men. I don't care about skin tone. I just like the face structure - deep eyes and small cheeks bone - and the hairy body. Some will say I'm weirdo cuz I like hairy one but people likes what they don't have. I don't have many hair on my body so I like to touch and play with the hair on the other's body. I have my choices as well. I love soft, slim guy with silly face :-) People are different by the look but inside we are the same so I won't talk about the character.

[iamdukenguyen]

I dunno why my post did not be approved to appear.

Emiliano: No. I wasnt attracted by every White men. I have my specially list too. I don't care about skin tone. I like tanned skin men more than purely one. I just like the face structure and hairy body. I like deep eyes, small cheeks bone, soft and hairy men with a silly face. In my country, people said we like what we don't have. I don't have many hair on my body so I like to touch and play with the hair on the other's body. You can call me "weirdo" (every of my friends called me that) but I can't help.

[Emiliano]

I dunno why my post did not be approved to appear.

Emiliano: No. I wasnt attracted by every White men. I have my specially list too. I don't care about skin tone. I like tanned skin men more than purely one. I just like the face structure and hairy body. I like deep eyes, small cheeks bone, soft and hairy men with a silly face. In my country, people said we like what we don't have. I don't have many hair on my body so I like to touch and play with the hair on the other's body. You can call me "weirdo" (every of my friends called me that) but I can't help.

Im not the type to call you a weirdo, we all have our own tastes in men, clothing, art, music, books... everything. Thats part of who you are. I asked though because as you and others pointed out, there is a stereotype about east asians and white westerners. Im curious to hear from your perspective about what specifically it is that attracts you.

Its understandable that people are attracted to what is considered exotic by their own norms. But I think there is sometimes another depth to it as well. Im interested in the line between what is a preference and what is a fetish.

I guess Im also interested in what influences those preferences and fetishes, from an individual's perspective to have a preference for a certain race, up to a preference that is so common that it becomes a stereotype, or gains itself its own nickname - like "potato queen".

But Im not going to act like I know who you should be attracted to, or pass any judgement on it. You gotta do what makes you happy.