Not sure what to do.

[Marvw17]

I have been married for 42 years and the wife has became sexually incapacitated about 8 years ago, first a complete hysterectomy, then she had a horse sit in her lap flattening her pelvis and separating the cartilage. So she is not only UN-interested she is unable to have a normal sex life since it is painful. Does she know or suspect I like men? not that she has ever indicated. I discovered at young age that I liked to give head. So for entertainment and relief, I got started visiting an adult arcade during lunch and in Tempe AZ had a blast.
I them started visiting a couple of bathhouses in Phoenix (playing cards on Friday afternoon)
I'm definitely a bottom.
In Jan we moved from Phoenix to Oklahoma, closes bathhouse is 2.5 hours away in Dallas. And no reason to go to Dallas alone.

[JackTX]

So does she help you out with sex? Have you guys discussed sex? Is she ok with you getting that part elsewhere?

[East]

I think she has a right to know. I assume you took a vow... or an oath?....or made a promise?

[Marvw17]

So does she help you out with sex? (No) Have you guys discussed sex? (Yes) Is she ok with you getting that part elsewhere? (No)

If sex is mentioned she gets upset and defensive about not being able to provide for me.
We used to have a very active sex life.

[Marvw17]

I think she has a right to know. I think she does also, telling her is the thing that I have got to figure out. She has had enough pain in her life, Molestation as a child , raped twice then all her recent problems , I still care for her and wouldn't hurt her any more. I assume you took a vow... or an oath?....or made a promise? 42 years ago and there has been a lot of water under the bridge.

[Marvw17]

So does she help you out with sex? No Have you guys discussed sex? YES Is she ok with you getting that part elsewhere? NO

[Marvw17]

I think she has a right to know. I assume you took a vow... or an oath?....or made a promise?

I believe you are right, but how to break it to her, that has been the issue.
It's not like I don't have feelings for her anymore.
I care for her a lot, she has had a lot of pain in her life already.
If I could find a way to make it her idea.

[CellarDweller]

you took a vow "for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health."

You say you don't want to leave her, that means honoring your vows.

[Edward]

Most likely your wife might think you've got another women - you married her after all, so in her mind you must be straight.

But don't be an asshole. After all those years in marriage your wife at least deserves the truth. Tell her what's going on, that you need to have sex ( if you wish, you might let out the part that you want to have sex with men), ask her if she's ok if you're getting it somewhere else since she's unable to do it. What you're doing now is a simple cheating and that's disgusting.

[Marvw17]

Edward
Don't think I haven't thought of that.
The last time I even hinted at it she went ballistic. Makes one a little Leary of mentioning it again.
She is 60 and was raised with the belief that being gay is a illness, she talks a great story about being open minded but when it comes to-putting it in to practice it gets a little iffy. It is ok for everyone else as long as she is not effected directly. Not sure whether to just blurt it out and get the fireworks over with or try to hint at it.
Let me make it clear I am not interested in a relationship (at this point, there has only been one man that has affected me that way) just sex.