Threesome/Polyamory advice
10-04-2015, 05:48 PM
Recently my boyfriend and I have decided to open our relationship to having threesomes or potentially something with a third guy lasting longer. We have been together for almost three years, and both of us are equally enthusiastic about this idea. About a month ago I met a new coworker and we immediately struck up a friendly rapport, and found that we had many interests and opinions in common. Physically, he also matches the "type" sought by my boyfriend and I quite closely. I've picked up on many strong vibes from him that he's attracted to me. He's definitely single and often on grindr.
After having numerous great conversations with him around work, earlier this week I messaged him asking if he'd like to go for drinks sometime, and he responded by inviting me to a house party he was having. I asked if my boyfriend could come too, and he of course accepted. At the house party a couple nights ago my boyfriend and I tried to be flirtatious with him, with an occasional touch, and things seemed to be going well. He and my boyfriend exchanged many strongly sexual glances, and we overheard him speaking about us with a girl at the party, with the implication that he was attracted to both of us and unhappy that we were both taken. Shortly after this we spoke to him alone outside, and suggested that he come over to our place sometime, and he responded very positively. We had all had a lot to drink of course, and my boyfriend asked him directly if he would like to have a threesome with us. He was hesitant, and after saying no because it would be "weird" and he was worried about the effect it might have on work, he said that he would think about it. The night continued without much awkwardness, and we made plans for him to come over the next night, though he added "just as friends," and I said we certainly would not pressure him or make him feel obligated.
He came over to our apartment last night and stayed for over four hours, although he did not want to drink even after we offered twice, so we were all sober. We had a pleasant enough conversation, and there was certainly some sexual tension considering we had just propositioned him the night before. He opened up to us about some anxiety he was having about his new job and living in a new city. We didn't bring up the threesome though so as not to be too pushy or make him uncomfortable. He left without anything happening, but stayed until the last bus back to his house. I don't know whether his objectives in coming over were just to be nice or if he perhaps wanted to scope us out a little more before making a decision. Its hard to imagine that he would agree to come to our house the night after we propositioned him for a threesome if he wasn't even considering it.
So what does everyone think here? I will be seeing him at least a couple times this week, including during an outing with coworkers to a bar, but I don't know whether to just act friendly going forward or whether to again bring up the idea of a threesome with him, or whether he has made a decision about it. I have thought about apologizing to him for being too forward or aggressive at the house party, as it might be a safe way to return to the threesome topic in a gentler way, but I don't know if this is a good idea or not. Any suggestions or advice here?
After having numerous great conversations with him around work, earlier this week I messaged him asking if he'd like to go for drinks sometime, and he responded by inviting me to a house party he was having. I asked if my boyfriend could come too, and he of course accepted. At the house party a couple nights ago my boyfriend and I tried to be flirtatious with him, with an occasional touch, and things seemed to be going well. He and my boyfriend exchanged many strongly sexual glances, and we overheard him speaking about us with a girl at the party, with the implication that he was attracted to both of us and unhappy that we were both taken. Shortly after this we spoke to him alone outside, and suggested that he come over to our place sometime, and he responded very positively. We had all had a lot to drink of course, and my boyfriend asked him directly if he would like to have a threesome with us. He was hesitant, and after saying no because it would be "weird" and he was worried about the effect it might have on work, he said that he would think about it. The night continued without much awkwardness, and we made plans for him to come over the next night, though he added "just as friends," and I said we certainly would not pressure him or make him feel obligated.
He came over to our apartment last night and stayed for over four hours, although he did not want to drink even after we offered twice, so we were all sober. We had a pleasant enough conversation, and there was certainly some sexual tension considering we had just propositioned him the night before. He opened up to us about some anxiety he was having about his new job and living in a new city. We didn't bring up the threesome though so as not to be too pushy or make him uncomfortable. He left without anything happening, but stayed until the last bus back to his house. I don't know whether his objectives in coming over were just to be nice or if he perhaps wanted to scope us out a little more before making a decision. Its hard to imagine that he would agree to come to our house the night after we propositioned him for a threesome if he wasn't even considering it.
So what does everyone think here? I will be seeing him at least a couple times this week, including during an outing with coworkers to a bar, but I don't know whether to just act friendly going forward or whether to again bring up the idea of a threesome with him, or whether he has made a decision about it. I have thought about apologizing to him for being too forward or aggressive at the house party, as it might be a safe way to return to the threesome topic in a gentler way, but I don't know if this is a good idea or not. Any suggestions or advice here?
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