05-14-2009, 01:40 PM
I think that it's interesting and good to think about these questions. I don't think that "equality" or "diversity" means that we cannot question.
All that we are introduced to upon first meeting of someone new is their looks. At times we are able to see their actions before meeting them but even before we see actions we generally see looks. There is an element of attractiveness that may or may not draw our attention to a person.
That doesn't really apply, though, because after the initial attraction pass/fail, we may (or may not) have an opportunity to see the person in action. Meaning, we get a bit of a taste of what the person is like. It is at this point, my theory is usually within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone, that you generally determine your own personal similarities within the person and decide whether you like them or not.
Attractiveness only counts for the first 10 seconds and can be irrelevant in the end.
We decide to date someone generally because we get a sense of "same-ness" or "like-ness" from that person. Alternately, for the more defiant or self-hating individuals (again, my theory) we make decide to date them because of the "different-ness," either thinking "fuck my parents, I can do what I want" OR "he/she completes me."
But that is really the root, in my opinion, of the decision to date a stranger.
Note I never even mentioned Butch or Lipstick! I do think that we all have preferences. For instance, I prefer either dark hair or really blonde hair on my partner, although I've only ever dated women with dark hair... I am incredibly attracted to women with blonde hair. That doesn't mean that I date them. Having an element of attraction is where you see someone who matches your criteria of what you like or what you think you're lacking that will complete you. For instance, if you are attracted to a butch lesbian, you may be running some sort of filter similar to "that person could totally take care of me." Or perhaps you are actually like that person in some aspects (or like what you project about them) and think, "They would certainly be a match for me in bed." This is all hypothetical and not necessarily what would always happen. It's just an example. The point really is that when you see someone and are attracted to them, it is generally because they meet some sort of criteria you have set up that you believe will complete you in some fashion.
I don't think that it has much to do with the brain, to be honest. I think it has to do with the understanding self and knowing why you feel attracted to a quality or qualities of another person.
All that we are introduced to upon first meeting of someone new is their looks. At times we are able to see their actions before meeting them but even before we see actions we generally see looks. There is an element of attractiveness that may or may not draw our attention to a person.
That doesn't really apply, though, because after the initial attraction pass/fail, we may (or may not) have an opportunity to see the person in action. Meaning, we get a bit of a taste of what the person is like. It is at this point, my theory is usually within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone, that you generally determine your own personal similarities within the person and decide whether you like them or not.
Attractiveness only counts for the first 10 seconds and can be irrelevant in the end.
We decide to date someone generally because we get a sense of "same-ness" or "like-ness" from that person. Alternately, for the more defiant or self-hating individuals (again, my theory) we make decide to date them because of the "different-ness," either thinking "fuck my parents, I can do what I want" OR "he/she completes me."
But that is really the root, in my opinion, of the decision to date a stranger.
Note I never even mentioned Butch or Lipstick! I do think that we all have preferences. For instance, I prefer either dark hair or really blonde hair on my partner, although I've only ever dated women with dark hair... I am incredibly attracted to women with blonde hair. That doesn't mean that I date them. Having an element of attraction is where you see someone who matches your criteria of what you like or what you think you're lacking that will complete you. For instance, if you are attracted to a butch lesbian, you may be running some sort of filter similar to "that person could totally take care of me." Or perhaps you are actually like that person in some aspects (or like what you project about them) and think, "They would certainly be a match for me in bed." This is all hypothetical and not necessarily what would always happen. It's just an example. The point really is that when you see someone and are attracted to them, it is generally because they meet some sort of criteria you have set up that you believe will complete you in some fashion.
I don't think that it has much to do with the brain, to be honest. I think it has to do with the understanding self and knowing why you feel attracted to a quality or qualities of another person.
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