November Meet-Up

[Grant]

Hi Everyone!

So it's been a while since I've been here and there have been some developments (both positive and negative) in my life and with the guy I've asked questions about before.

Just as a quick recap, I let him know last Fall that I liked him, and he let me know that he liked me too, but it just wasn't time. After that, he and I continued to chat throughout the Fall and Spring. He finished his degree this past Spring (and our conversations picked up) and he and I saw each other at an event in June. We weren't able to get together for more than a general conversation and I had my feelings hurt when we were hanging out in the pool (late, drinks were involved) and I saw him across the way making out with a random guy.

Unfortunately, right afterwards, I lost my mother suddenly to undiagnosed cancer. During this time he was so sweet to me, offered all kinds of support, made me laugh, listened to me cry, etc. etc. And once again our conversations were long and relatively deep.

Now, finally, after months of him being on the move he's settled in his new place and has invited me to come visit him. I'm super excited about it, but I was taken aback by something he said right before he made the visit offer. He asked how/when we met each other and when it was put together we've only known each other for maybe two years. We've probably only been in the same room for less than 36 hours total. When I said that he said "Oh, so much has happened, I thought it was longer than that" and it hit me that I really don't know this guy as well as I'd like to pretend that I do.

I also know that he's invited several different people to visit recently, so now I'm waffling between the excitement of seeing the guy I like and knowing that he may only be inviting me as a friend. I want this trip to count, but I don't want to go in with my lips blazing and overloading him with crushiness. I also don't want to be frigid and trying to play it cool.

I really don't even know what I'm trying to ask. I've been chasing this guy for a year and I feel like I'm finally making progress but I also don't want to move too fast and scare him off. What do you think? Should I just go and enjoy it for what it is? Or, does this sound like he's planning an elaborate booty call?

I know I'm overthinking it, because that's what I always do.

[IanSaysHi]

Hi Everyone!

...he let me know that he liked me too, but it just wasn't time.
...I had my feelings hurt when we were hanging out in the pool (late, drinks were involved) and I saw him across the way making out with a random guy.
...He asked how/when we met each other
...I also know that he's invited several different people to visit recently
...I know I'm overthinking it, because that's what I always do.

Hmmm... Doesn't sound like he's got the same level of interest in you that you have in him. It's nice he gave you support with your Mum, but he sounds a bit flighty to me. In fact he sounds like my first boyfriend who one minute seemed totally into me, then totally into everyone else, then interested in me again and so on (it was like an attention thing). Maybe go without expectations - I mean go just to meet and catch up and have a nice time without expecting something serious.

Also don't put yourself down for overthinking this, it's not like he's been Mr Obvious. Whatever you decide, good luck

[Grant]

Yeah, that seems to be the overwhelming consensus on this. My therapist even point blank asked me why it would be a bad thing to just go and "fuck his brains out" (LOVE my Therapist) and be the one that decides whether it progresses or not.

One of the things I'm trying to work on is letting guys chase me for a change. I like this guy a lot, but after my last relationship which was mostly me continuously prodding my BF to actually talk to me I'm a bit hesitant to enter back into that.

I'm also wondering how do I even play this though? I can't read into anything, but I'm putting myself into a position where I'm going to be around him for 72+ hours straight. Every which way I run this in my head I feel like I'm rushing things. I'm not even sure what to suggest for activities for fear of it being too date like.

Ugh, why didn't they teach us any of this in school!

[East]

I would suggest declining the invitation until you come to expect nothing but friendship....