10-12-2015, 10:43 PM
Hi everyone! I'm looking for advice and this seemed like the best place. I'll have to lay everything out for you all to give the best advice so this will be kind of long but here it goes:
I am a 21 year old music student from Texas in my senior year of college. I just within the last week came out to family and close friends and have never been in a relationship and am still a virgin. I recently over the summer went to a summer opera performance program that is nine weeks long. I went with the mindset of "if they assume Im gay ill just go with it" and that's exactly what happened.
In that first week I met someone. He's 6 foot 5 and so handsome and talented and nice and he is also now on his senior year of college in Michigan. On the second week we hit it off. It wasn't anything sexual but we held hands and kissed and cuddled and all that. During that time he told me he saw me from across the room and thought I was the most handsome man he'd ever met and more new-couply things like that. We also found out that both of us had the same two master programs in mind for grad school after we graduate college. I was so happy, but then I got scared. I was brand new to this and I didnt want my first relationship to be a summer fling or become a long distance relationship plus I thoguht I would be lying to all my friends and family if I got in a relationship, so by the end of the second week I explained this to him and he agreed so we just remained really close friends for a while.
During the time we were friends he was still super nice and always making sure I was doing okay. I got sick during the camp and he offered his car for me to take to the doctor's and he took my shifts for lunch duty when I was still there without even asking me. He was just honestly very very great to me and was a wonderful friend.
Around the last week and a half I really started to find myself super attracted to him again. I think all the fears went away and I wanted to be close to him again. So we started going back to what we were. Again nothing super sexual we just made out once or twice and were very touchy the rest of the time. On the last night of the program, he gave me a letter saying things like "You are one of the sweetest men I have ever met" and "My feelings for you wont go away so I would rather like to think of this as a see you later." I wont write it all but it was seriously one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. Then he also hugged me that night and said, "you know when something just feels right?" Then the next day we hugged and he kissed me and said, "It's not over."
So the last day came and I was ready for us to just be friends because I knew we weren't ever technically "together" and we weren't close in that way long enough to make it official or work off of it. A few days went by and he started texting me. He would tell me I'm on his mind a lot and he missed me and would ask how my day was and I was more than happy to tell him the same things. The more we talked, the more my feelings for him grew. We skyped a week or two later and it lasted 3 and a half hours. It was honestly wonderful for both of us. I was in the middle of school but his school didnt start until two weeks later. Once school started for him, though, things started going different.
He started texting me less and I was usually the one that initiated conversation. We would still snapchat and stuff but still not as much as before. It was such a weird switch because before that it always felt like he was doing all the chasing in our relationship. That started freaking me out because I was really close to asking him if he wanted to make long distance work. So I called him about a week later and asked him if he had just lost interest. He told me that he had only dated two guys before me for short periods of time and one was long distance and it really didnt work out, and he told me that I meant so much to him he didn't want to sever our bond and have it be worse down the line. He said he thought we were continuing that flirty friend thing we had going for a while. He then told me that he's very physical and starts acting distant if he doesnt have that in his life. Not like a sexual way just as in holding people etc. He also told me hes going through kind of a darker phase in his life. He told me what it was but I wont go into detail for his sake. It's nothing life-changing, it just makes sense that he has to prioritize himself because of it. We both ended up crying over the phone about it and decided we would still be really close friends. We also, up until that point at least, had agreed that if we end up in the same grad school that we would become a couple and this would be a serious relationship.
For about a week I was pretty devastated. This was around the time I started coming out to my family and friends because I couldn't hide that I was acting differently. Oddly enough the guy from the summer ended up helping me a lot because I called him a few more times to get some answers from stuff and he told me it was literally just because of distance that it wasn't going to work which I completely get. He's literally 1000 miles away. He also said that he felt really bad because he had no intention of leading me on or hurting me. He was able to handle it better because he had been in those previous relationships, I just had not so I didnt know how to cope. About a week after that I wrote a really long letter to kind of just write down all that I was feeling. I had no intention of sending it to him, but it ended up becoming more of a glorified "thank you for everything" so I sent it.
A few days later he texted me saying he got the letter and that it meant a lot to him and that he didnt know what he wanted or needed right now but he is hoping to get past what has been putting him in a different state of mind right now and that it will hopefully help him in all aspects of his life, including his relationship with me. He told me he meant everything he said or did over the summer. He also said that I was one of the best people in his life and that he needs to treasure me. We ended up skyping for a bit after that and it was like we were friends again which was great!
So fast forward about a little over two weeks to now. We don't text anywhere near as much but when I text him he almost always responds even in group texts with other friends we made over the summer. We are still very friendly which I'm very happy about! He doesn't really ever text first, but he kind of hit the ground running at school so he's almost always very busy with stuff. Plus I think he's still going through that rough patch so I completely get it. I've started giving him some distance so I don't come off as desperate or needy.
What I'm worried about is the future, two things in particular:
1) In a little over 5 weeks we are both going to watch the opera that one of our two ideal grad schools in putting on. It wasn't planned we just both happened to pick that time to visit the campus. I would love to be physically close to him again, but I'm worried he might not feel the same. I'm worried that he has lost all attraction to me and that will probably really hurt me because I am still attracted to him. I'm also worried that he is still attracted to me , but he doesnt want to be physically close because he doesn't want to make me as sad as I was before about it. I know I wont be sad about it if we get close though because I know a relationship won't come from it. It would just be living for the moment while we are in the same place, and it would help me validate that we still have at least a little bit of something.
2) My bigger concern logically has less of a chance of happening but I'm just the type to overthink everything and thats why I came here haha! I'm worried about if we do pick the same grad school (which is becoming more and more possible because I think we are both leaning toward the same one, Im not picking it for him it's just a coincidence) that it will have been a little under a year and he wont be attracted to me at all. I think I will be still and I would love to try to make this work if the opportunity presents itself, but if he isn't attracted anymore it will be really hard to see him every day I think. Now logically I think he would still be attracted to me on some level. We ended on really good terms so I dont think all his attraction will be gone, but I've never been in a relationship before so thats why I wanted to come here to ask if it's possible that he will still have feelings and this could become something.
I've never felt a connection with anyone like him. I told myself I would only give myself over to someone if they were truly worth it and he was the first guy that really was. This could be a blessing in disguise because I always told myself that I wanted to end up with a close friend of mine and this distance and time could make that really become what I want, but theres just so much I dont know that I cant guarantee anything. I know this probably comes off as a crush but something just felt really right about us and still does. So if anyone wants to put in their 2 cents I would be happy to see what yall think about this situation and my 2 big concerns! Thank you all and have a great day!
I am a 21 year old music student from Texas in my senior year of college. I just within the last week came out to family and close friends and have never been in a relationship and am still a virgin. I recently over the summer went to a summer opera performance program that is nine weeks long. I went with the mindset of "if they assume Im gay ill just go with it" and that's exactly what happened.
In that first week I met someone. He's 6 foot 5 and so handsome and talented and nice and he is also now on his senior year of college in Michigan. On the second week we hit it off. It wasn't anything sexual but we held hands and kissed and cuddled and all that. During that time he told me he saw me from across the room and thought I was the most handsome man he'd ever met and more new-couply things like that. We also found out that both of us had the same two master programs in mind for grad school after we graduate college. I was so happy, but then I got scared. I was brand new to this and I didnt want my first relationship to be a summer fling or become a long distance relationship plus I thoguht I would be lying to all my friends and family if I got in a relationship, so by the end of the second week I explained this to him and he agreed so we just remained really close friends for a while.
During the time we were friends he was still super nice and always making sure I was doing okay. I got sick during the camp and he offered his car for me to take to the doctor's and he took my shifts for lunch duty when I was still there without even asking me. He was just honestly very very great to me and was a wonderful friend.
Around the last week and a half I really started to find myself super attracted to him again. I think all the fears went away and I wanted to be close to him again. So we started going back to what we were. Again nothing super sexual we just made out once or twice and were very touchy the rest of the time. On the last night of the program, he gave me a letter saying things like "You are one of the sweetest men I have ever met" and "My feelings for you wont go away so I would rather like to think of this as a see you later." I wont write it all but it was seriously one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. Then he also hugged me that night and said, "you know when something just feels right?" Then the next day we hugged and he kissed me and said, "It's not over."
So the last day came and I was ready for us to just be friends because I knew we weren't ever technically "together" and we weren't close in that way long enough to make it official or work off of it. A few days went by and he started texting me. He would tell me I'm on his mind a lot and he missed me and would ask how my day was and I was more than happy to tell him the same things. The more we talked, the more my feelings for him grew. We skyped a week or two later and it lasted 3 and a half hours. It was honestly wonderful for both of us. I was in the middle of school but his school didnt start until two weeks later. Once school started for him, though, things started going different.
He started texting me less and I was usually the one that initiated conversation. We would still snapchat and stuff but still not as much as before. It was such a weird switch because before that it always felt like he was doing all the chasing in our relationship. That started freaking me out because I was really close to asking him if he wanted to make long distance work. So I called him about a week later and asked him if he had just lost interest. He told me that he had only dated two guys before me for short periods of time and one was long distance and it really didnt work out, and he told me that I meant so much to him he didn't want to sever our bond and have it be worse down the line. He said he thought we were continuing that flirty friend thing we had going for a while. He then told me that he's very physical and starts acting distant if he doesnt have that in his life. Not like a sexual way just as in holding people etc. He also told me hes going through kind of a darker phase in his life. He told me what it was but I wont go into detail for his sake. It's nothing life-changing, it just makes sense that he has to prioritize himself because of it. We both ended up crying over the phone about it and decided we would still be really close friends. We also, up until that point at least, had agreed that if we end up in the same grad school that we would become a couple and this would be a serious relationship.
For about a week I was pretty devastated. This was around the time I started coming out to my family and friends because I couldn't hide that I was acting differently. Oddly enough the guy from the summer ended up helping me a lot because I called him a few more times to get some answers from stuff and he told me it was literally just because of distance that it wasn't going to work which I completely get. He's literally 1000 miles away. He also said that he felt really bad because he had no intention of leading me on or hurting me. He was able to handle it better because he had been in those previous relationships, I just had not so I didnt know how to cope. About a week after that I wrote a really long letter to kind of just write down all that I was feeling. I had no intention of sending it to him, but it ended up becoming more of a glorified "thank you for everything" so I sent it.
A few days later he texted me saying he got the letter and that it meant a lot to him and that he didnt know what he wanted or needed right now but he is hoping to get past what has been putting him in a different state of mind right now and that it will hopefully help him in all aspects of his life, including his relationship with me. He told me he meant everything he said or did over the summer. He also said that I was one of the best people in his life and that he needs to treasure me. We ended up skyping for a bit after that and it was like we were friends again which was great!
So fast forward about a little over two weeks to now. We don't text anywhere near as much but when I text him he almost always responds even in group texts with other friends we made over the summer. We are still very friendly which I'm very happy about! He doesn't really ever text first, but he kind of hit the ground running at school so he's almost always very busy with stuff. Plus I think he's still going through that rough patch so I completely get it. I've started giving him some distance so I don't come off as desperate or needy.
What I'm worried about is the future, two things in particular:
1) In a little over 5 weeks we are both going to watch the opera that one of our two ideal grad schools in putting on. It wasn't planned we just both happened to pick that time to visit the campus. I would love to be physically close to him again, but I'm worried he might not feel the same. I'm worried that he has lost all attraction to me and that will probably really hurt me because I am still attracted to him. I'm also worried that he is still attracted to me , but he doesnt want to be physically close because he doesn't want to make me as sad as I was before about it. I know I wont be sad about it if we get close though because I know a relationship won't come from it. It would just be living for the moment while we are in the same place, and it would help me validate that we still have at least a little bit of something.
2) My bigger concern logically has less of a chance of happening but I'm just the type to overthink everything and thats why I came here haha! I'm worried about if we do pick the same grad school (which is becoming more and more possible because I think we are both leaning toward the same one, Im not picking it for him it's just a coincidence) that it will have been a little under a year and he wont be attracted to me at all. I think I will be still and I would love to try to make this work if the opportunity presents itself, but if he isn't attracted anymore it will be really hard to see him every day I think. Now logically I think he would still be attracted to me on some level. We ended on really good terms so I dont think all his attraction will be gone, but I've never been in a relationship before so thats why I wanted to come here to ask if it's possible that he will still have feelings and this could become something.
I've never felt a connection with anyone like him. I told myself I would only give myself over to someone if they were truly worth it and he was the first guy that really was. This could be a blessing in disguise because I always told myself that I wanted to end up with a close friend of mine and this distance and time could make that really become what I want, but theres just so much I dont know that I cant guarantee anything. I know this probably comes off as a crush but something just felt really right about us and still does. So if anyone wants to put in their 2 cents I would be happy to see what yall think about this situation and my 2 big concerns! Thank you all and have a great day!
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