Confused about Ex's questions

[musicluv]

My ex and I dated for a little over a year… It was known when we first started dating that he may move to another city for a job after finishing his degree. That occurred 4 months ago. I did what I could to help him get settled in his new city. After the move, we slowly stopped talking and seeing each other. We never really discussed the reasons for not trying to continue to make the relationship work. It would have been a stretch but I think it could have worked with mutual assurances on some things. I loved him, but I’m not 100% sure he loved me. I was not feeling it after he moved and so I started to drift away. I guess I was waiting for him to say that he loved and missed me, but that never happened. In his defense it was hard for him to share his feelings… So, we never had closure around things.

In the last 4 months we would randomly text each other about non-relationship kinds of things. About 2 weeks ago I told him that I was going to be in town to see a concert later this summer and asked if he wanted to meet up for coffee… as friends. He said he was going on vacation that week… However, we started to chat and then out of the blue he asks me if I’m dating anyone…

I didn’t know how to answer… I said not really, but I did have a date later that week. (Just started to date a few weeks ago) He then tells me that he is seeing someone. It was an odd chat. I never would have asked him cause I don’t think it is any of my business. Our chat reminded me that I had to send an item back to him. So, I sent him an email as a heads up. I said in the email that I was sad on how our relationship ended but that it happens. He replied saying that relationships take their course… and then asked me how my date went. I told him nothing about my date and that he was being nice and that he really does not want to know how my date went.

Maybe this is his way of feeling things out? It has been 1 week and I have not heard from him since. Just looking for thoughts… Do you think he is looking for something more from me? I’ve never been in a situation like this before. I thought I was over everything but this has caused some emotions to come back. I guess I was too nice in asking him if he wanted to meet for coffee as friends. I do still care about him but I don’t think I could do a 2nd try. Thoughts?

[Beaux]

Honestly? I think you regret not really loving him. Simple as that. The biggest regret one might experience is that one lived a life without passion. Nothing you wrote says "Love" to me, neither does it say "Passion". Let it lie where it is--in the past.

~Beaux

[musicluv]

Honestly? I think you regret not really loving him. Simple as that. The biggest regret one might experience is that one lived a life without passion. Nothing you wrote says "Love" to me, neither does it say "Passion". Let it lie where it is--in the past.

~Beaux

I feel just the opposite... What i regret is not telling him that I loved him... I was much in love with him when we were together. However, I was afraid to tell him. I was not sure if I would get anything back. I'm a very passionate person and I love to express my love, but he had trouble saying the word "love" (He told me so) and I did not want to make him uncomfortable. The passion was there throughout the time we were together. However, when it came to expressing our feelings it was all silence. My fault for not trying to bring that to the surface when we were together. I think he may feel the same but now it's all too late to go through that with him. Going to leave it all in the past like you said. I just feel bad cause I really care about people.

[Anocxu]

I feel just the opposite... What i regret is not telling him that I loved him... I was much in love with him when we were together. However, I was afraid to tell him. I was not sure if I would get anything back. I'm a very passionate person and I love to express my love, but he had trouble saying the word "love" (He told me so) and I did not want to make him uncomfortable. The passion was there throughout the time we were together. However, when it came to expressing our feelings it was all silence. My fault for not trying to bring that to the surface when we were together. I think he may feel the same but now it's all too late to go through that with him. Going to leave it all in the past like you said. I just feel bad cause I really care about people.

It's never too late to tell someone that you love them...EVER
After my ex fiance split..
I went back to let him know I truly loved him.

I knew he resented me for leaving...I knew he was angry I knew he got mean and extremely condescending when he was ...I swallowed my pride , drove 9 miles to see him and I told him...
I love you...
No matter what.

[East]

I think you should follow your instincts...and if you feel like you have to say that to him....just do it. Put it out there....and then let it go....

[Lexington]

I said in the email that I was sad on how our relationship ended but that it happens. He replied saying that relationships take their course… and then asked me how my date went. I told him nothing about my date and that he was being nice and that he really does not want to know how my date went.

There are a lot of shades of grey between "in love with" and "don't give a rat's ass about". He might have genuinely been interested in how you were doing (and how your date went) without actually feeling jealous or unhappy about the fact that you were dating.

I don't see any harm in telling him how you feel/felt, as long as you're cool with him not feeling the same way.

Lex

[RevChasBM]

Wow, I am really sad reading your message. Not trying to be hurtful, but you come across as one who could be shot in the head with a canon and you would insist it was a possible mistake. Having been around the block way more than a few times, it sounds to me like you found someone who was only looking for a consistent hook up until he moved out of town. Knowing he was moving this fellow sounds like he never had any real romantic interest in you at all. Ever heard of the book, "He Just Isn't That Into You"? When people REALLY love and care, they need to find the will to express their feelings. If they cannot speak them, they often will write them. So a guy who cannot verbally express himself may at least take the opportunity on holidays or birthdays to say what he feels in a card or note. Bottom line, if you were my little brother I would say, RUN, do not walk! Stop trying to read into what this guy does or does not do. Stop trying to seeing something in what he says. If he wanted more, he should speak up. If he cannot speak up, you sure do not want to hitch your wagon to someone who you will spend your life trying to dissect and interpret. You deserve better than that! I think deep down inside you are experiencing the pain and uncomfortableness of being rejected. But this too shall pass. Know that you are worthy of love and deserving of someone who will put as much into your relationship as you will. Excuses like, "I am not really that good at expressing myself or my feelings" are usually code for, "I am just not that onto you." Beleieve me when I say, I HAVE BEEN THERE, and it did not feel good or end well. I wish I had someone then to tell me what I am trying to tell you now. Move on. You will be fine. True love will one day come your way. God bless.