Crying Out

[Anonymous]

I am getting depressed day by day about HIV diagnosis. Lately, I have been feeling what that what will I do if I live for long?will someone marry me or will I get a HIV positive woman to marry? Will I have a family? (I am bisexual with more attractions towards men)

I am getting so much insecure about myself, who will look after me when I am sick? will I ever be able to stand on my own leg? How will I look like at my death bed? Will I make money for myself? what my future holds I don't know.

Of course, I thank God for things like I have a brother who is been supportive, a loving mom (she doesn't know about me) and financially we are stable. I know there are people in this world who have worst life than mine but honestly thinking positive all the time is really not possible. I feel frustrated, irritated at times
Please don't ask me why I want to get married to a woman, why I don't look out for a guy and all that. I don't want to lead that GAY lifestyle anymore and on top of that I don't live in such a liberal society nor it is conservative though.

Any helping words?

[jimcrackcorn]

I am sorry for what you are going thru. Can you tell us more about your situation? Are you HIV positive, and how old are?

[TigerLover]

Medical science and therapy are your friends.
No you shouldn't have kids the old-fashioned way that would be cruel given the high chance that the kid would be born HIV+ too.

But you can adopt or find a single mother who already has kids. And maybe they'll perfect gene scrubbing allowing you to use in vitro fertilization.
If you have access to the proper medication then you can have a healthy normal relationship where the odds of infection are extremely low and you don't really get sick. Of course finding a partner is the real challenge but don't think you're limited to other people with HIV. Any sensible compassionate person will be able to look past your condition if like you.

The main point I'm making is that your situation is far from hopeless and that you're life can still be what you want it to be if you get access to the proper medical care. Also you might want to consider therapy. Because depression will fuck you up worse than properly treated HIV ever could.

[Anocxu]

Any helping words?

You need to get involved in a LGBTQ support group for HIV positive individuals. .

You need councelling. .
You need comparison..

[Anonymous]

[MENTION=11919]jimcrackcorn[/MENTION].. I have recently been diagnosed. This is my 2nd month. First 2weeks were really really hard for me to accept and was suffering from anxiety, nightmares and self loathing however with little counselling and support from my brother and for the love of my mom, I started to forget about my problem and was maintaining a healthy lifestyle (I still do) and tried to remain happy and jolly.

Lately, I have started getting those negative feelings and since my mom doesn't know about my status and she keeps talking about my marriage in the next two years that has started to make me feel depressed, lost at times and worried.

My worry is not only about myself but I worry about my mom too. How she would react? She will loathe herself, she will tell at God and she would always worry about me.

Honestly, I really want to get married in the next 2yrs and have kids of my own.
[MENTION=22948]TigerLover[/MENTION] - it is not that I can't have HIV negative baby. With correct guidance from Doctor and proper medication for 3 of us, it is possible or even if I can't have a negative baby, adoption is still an option.

I wouldn't deny the fact that my attraction for guys would always be there but somehow I can manage to suppress it if I have a loving wife and children to take care. Like I haven't had sex for the past 5months, where I couldn't even wait for one day to hook up. Yes, I do get horny now and mostly I fantasize gay sex only and sometimes I fantasize straight sex. I have led that gay lifestyle, from being a non cock sucker to turning into a thirsty cock sucker; from not being a bottom to becoming a hardcore bottom.

Anyway, my whole idea of writing here is getting advice from you guys. You guys are like my support.

[Anonymous]

[MENTION=11919]jimcrackcorn[/MENTION]- I have recently turned 28 but I have a face of a 23yr old and I am very cute looking Thanks.

[Beaux]

I wouldn't deny the fact that my attraction for guys would always be there but somehow I can manage to suppress it if I have a loving wife and children to take care.
Anyway, my whole idea of writing here is getting advice from you guys. You guys are like my support.

I am not "like" your support. I don't support people who decide to live a lie just to make mommy and society happy.

<dusts of hands> I have nothing for you.

~Beaux

[IanSaysHi]

I've tried to write this post three times but I just can't word it right.

Basically, through your HIV diagnosis, you have not discovered your mortality - I think you have discovered LIFE.

Life isn't perfect. You can have goals, and you can achieve those goals, It sounds like you aren't aiming for goals though; you are trying to fulfil a template, a design for life... Life is about living, experiences... Good and bad. This is your only shot at life and you want to hide a large element of that, eg your attraction to men. I just feel suppressing yourself will eventually result in unhappiness.

If it helps, I never thought my Mum would accept my sexuality, but in the end I had to tell her when I was 17... She hugged me, accepted it... Until the next day when I found her crying and she said she felt bereaved of the son who would get married and have kids. However, over time she has come to accept it, and now she says she's pleased to have a gay son. Believe me, it's not what I expected, but my Mum has always said that as long as I am happy, she's happy. Would your Mum rather know you are happy? Of course, I can't guarantee your Mum is exactly the same, but it's food for thought.

You seem to be worrying about every 'what if'.... situation. We ALL will die and none of us know when or how. Like I say, this is your only shot at life.. Will you look back on your life having worried and suppressed your way through it, or will you have made the most of every day?

[SilverBullet]

I try to be a positive sort of guy so looking for and offering brighter side of things when I can. I would just like to tell you that science and medicine are coming a LOOOONG way. In that, a cure may be found in the VERY near future, I have seen allot of headway being made with several different medicines as scientist better understand HIV.

I myself am confident that a cure will be found and I believe it will be within say the next 20 years.
The medication that's out right now allows for most people to live normal lives for the most part after contracting HIV and keeping it from progressing to AIDs for many many years. I believe this medicine will also improve over time and to be honest you will most likely live as long as you would had you not got the disease.

stay confident and keep telling yourself "It will be ok, I simply must take my medication, take all precautions during sex to prevent possible transfer and the disease is temporary"

HIV and AIDS are NOT on the same level as cancer, also HIV is becomeing more and more of a problem EVERYDAY (this is bittersweet) with more cases = more money for drug companies = more research and a quicker cure.. So keep your head up, you are the same you and you will win it out in the end!

[LJay]

As you can see, there are some wise people here. TigerLover makes and excellent point;

"Also you might want to consider therapy. Because depression will fuck you up worse than properly treated HIV ever could."

So does Beaux: "I am not "like" your support. I don't support people who decide to live a lie just to make mommy and society happy."

And so do others.

Face up to this and LIVE with it. Your mother needs to know that marriage is your choice and that you may or may not make that choice. It is perfectly reasonable to give yourself a bit of time to sort things out, but you need to decide what is important in your future and how to achieve it. Read what Ian has to say carefully. He is a very smart guy.

After you have given yourself a little time, get to work. Set up a good group of doctors. Think about the future. Have some fun and learn to be your own most important health advocate. You have a lot to think about, but even more to do.