Crying Out

[Insertnamehere]

OP your post drives me crazy.

It causes sympathy and utter disgust at the same time.

The disgusting part:

Gay lifestyle? Seriously? Since when is liking dudes a "lifestyle"? There's not really a choice there to be calling it a "lifestyle"

You want a family...that's fine. You're making it sound, though, as if this little bit of attraction towards women is a tool to not deal with your greater attraction towards males. If that is in the equation if and when you get married, it'll most likely not end well.

Sorry...I had to do that.

Ok...that aside, nowadays HIV is not the crippling and death-sentencing pathogen it once was. It'll be there with you now, but there are ways to manage it, to lessen the disease it causes.

Get treated, inform yourself, this is not the end of all things. The one end will come to all of us no exceptions.

And start on counseling ASAP. Youn can't afford to be depressed if you care to keep the virus at bay.

Tell your mom. Sooner or later you'll have to. You won't be able to keep you HIV+ condition hidden for a lifetime.

Sure, she may sob, have probably similar thought processes as you are having now. At some point, that will have to stop.

Keeping your family and close ones next to you is essential to fight this and live as normal of a life as you can.

No one says it will be easy but, giving yourself the time to assimilate all this, of course, there will come a time to throw away the what ifs and regrets and take charge of yourself, of your health. You have to want to be better. And you will. With support, counseling and perspective, you will.

You can do it. You have the strenght in you to live a normal (in the degree that you can) and to do the things you want to accomplish.

[Anonymous]

[MENTION=13210]Beaux[/MENTION] - I knew you and many of you would answer in a very American perspective. I know and understand being Gay is not a choice, this is how one is born with it however since my childhood, I always dreamt of having a family, a wife like many others. As I grew up, my sexuality always made me confused.

Every society is different & so as every country. My mom loves me more than anything else and I am not scared to come out. She will accept me but she would always cry from inside till death.

I have already mentioned I am a bisexual, and right now I am in a position that I really want to secure myself and want to find a girl who is also in a similar situation, one who is insecure about her future. So, that we both can take of each other.

Why I am not looking out for a gay partner, right?
My country isn't that gay friendly at first ( I have mentioned in my above post), how long our relationship will last if I find one and will he be loyal to me given the fact that we men especially we as a gay/bisexual men are more sex driven.

Lucky that you guys were born in a gay friendly and not everyone in this world think alike otherwise the world would have been at peace.

I am HIV positive, on top of that bisexual, plus I live in a smaller city, and can't leave my mom now as I have been away from her for 9yrs...what option would you give?

I am not trying to be straight, I am trying to be secured. I know for many of you, I am going wrong or might be hurting your sentiments or offending but trust me I am little irritated with myself that why I was born this way, probably I wouldn't have a confused life. If you can give me better suggestion, please feel free.

[IanSaysHi]

I am really sorry but I can't give you 'a better suggestion' because you are a bisexual man who is HIV positive who wants to settle down with a HIV positive woman who is insecure about her future so you can take care of each other and have kids. I think you you being way too specific about what you want from life. You need to take things one at a time - you're thinking way too much about EVERYTHING that you think is going to happen, what you want, etc. Look at one aspect of your life and how you want to achieve it.

I'm sorry if I'm not telling you what you want to hear. I do wish you the best whatever you decide.

[Anonymous]

[MENTION=23058]IanSaysHi[/MENTION]- Perhaps you are right or in fact you are absolutely right but I am turning insane by thinking about my future. My life has always been filled with thoughts like: "what if this " or "what if that".

Initially, pre diagnosis, I thought, I wouldn't get married since I am more into guys and continue my life as a bachelor earning my own money and traveling around the world and probably thought of adopting one kid but at the same time was frustrated with my sex addiction.

Now, though I am trying to work on my sex addiction and I don't feel like hooking up with anyone as such but now Hiv diagnosis has raised many doubts about my life.

I think there are 2ppl who can help me God and Myself.

[East]

OP...I usually avoid these posts completely....

It won't matter what you do really because the thing that needs to change is your attitude....

Attitude is everything......

Self pity will kill you....and suck the life out of everyone around you..which is why I rarely comment on these types of posts.....

[Anocxu]

Anonymous. .

I have some Major issues with you .
First and foremost. ..
I think you are deceptive, a sociopath and a narcissist.

YOU were happily gay until you became H.I.V. positive.

BTW I know who you are ...and have read ALL your posts.

I have no intentions of revealing your cover , or humiliating you ,but I think you are exploiting the kindness and empathy of GS members and I think you should stop.

You started threads about ALL your sexual encounters. .
Your five guy gang bangs,
your use of drugs from sharing needles..
Picking up strangers on busses and Meeting strange tourists in hotel rooms.

Now..
I am not a judgemental person.. I am no virgin either ..but I do consider myself to be somewhat rational.

You hurt yourself. .then you denounced and disrespected "gay.."....now here you are seeking the advise and comfort of Gay People.

Before you became H.I.V. positive not one of your posts revealed anything about you wanting a family ...
Your posts were really you bragging about getting random sex from as many men as possible and how cute you are.
After you became H.I.V. + you announced you were a sex addict. . then in another post you labelled the gay "lifestyle" to be disgusting when you know truthfully that you were reckless.
Now here you are posting anonymously. . Crutching on the kindness of the very same group you shunned.

In case you haven't put it together guys..
He is reluctant to have councelling from an LGBT H.I.V. affiliate because he does not want to Identify as being Gay. ...mainly ..He is shameful about contracting H.I.V. through gay sex.

Anonymous. .
Your culture and parents are pushing you to be married by age 30.. but you are a gay man now living with HIV.
Be honest with the members of this forum..!

Now doing the math on who you are.. and where you are from.. and your posts..
There is a female in waiting for you to marry soon.?
You basically were having sex with all the men you could before your marriage..?

From what I understand. .
Gay / bisexual in your culture do this quite often. .
The reason you are reluctant to tell your mother is.. she has already chosen your wife?

You'll probably want to put a 9 inch blade in my chest after that post..
but ..
Just be honest with these guys..
Come clean...

Gay men..or as you put it .. the "gay lifestyle " is not to blame for the current results in your life...
You did it to yourself ..

I am not an unkind person.
I just have issues with people that exploit genuinely caring people.

[Beaux]

What nothing to say now? A sure sign that somebody has got your number, is turning tail and running... Nothing? I didn't think so...
~Beaux