Feeling unwelcomed

[JCasey]

Since I came out in February, I have become more aware of other gay men around me (imagine that). However, it seems that there is an unspoken rule that gay guys don't speak except to initiate a hook up. I can somewhat understand a single guy not being willing to be sociable with other single guys if they are not interested, but it seems that even couples are afraid that a single guy is going to steal their partner away. The protocol seems to be to ignore anyone you don't plan to mount like a marlin. This leaves a newly out single guy with no effective way to make friends, much less find a potential partner.

However, on the apps it is much worse. If you aren't someone's ideal partner, they will ignore even direct communication. Despite their profile stating that they are open to friends and bears, they will ignore someone who identifies as one.

The only people I receive messages from are bots and people from far away. Sorry, but I am not going to waste my time texting some guy in the outback of Australia so that he can get off on it.

I am not after the lust driven sexual side of it, I would like an emotional connection with someone I can meet in person on the weekend to do things. If we click, physical intimacy will be a natural expression of our emotional connection.

[1and1]

Welcome to gayland. Never been made to feel welcome myself. Once upon a time I am sure gay guys, certainly myself at least, would have given anything to make connections with other gay guys. Now it's all we can do to ignore/avoid/block/reject each other.

Oh well, that does not stop me from going out to places. I gave up bothering with sites/apps though. You're better off in places physical than places digital.

[Anocxu]

Are you noticing other gay men around you...? or are you noticing ALL the things that are negative and would not "work" for you in the "gay world ?"

I'm not sure if your agenda is clear. .
Are you seeking a good friend / friends?
Are you looking for a semi casual weekend thing..?
Or are you looking for a serious relationship?

Your opening post seems to canvas every detail that has caught your attention. .
I'm assuming you are confused about what to make of all these "New" discoveries ..?

Your thread would probably be more beneficial if you were to "Zero in" on what you think you wanted.

Ps..
You definitely should engage in conversation with those guys messaging you from ten thousand miles away..
Consider it practice..
And it's a clever way to learn more about gay men in general.

Did any of that help?

[East]

I have not really run across this as a rule...but I have as an exception. For instance...I am in Alameda right now with an ocean view and the Golden Gate Bridge is on one side of me with the Oakland Bay Bridge on the other.

So far...I have said hi and/or talked to at least 10 gay men I don't know....and at least five more that I already know...and then smiled and nodded to even more...

I used to feel unwelcome in the poser clubs though when everyone would stand around and admire themselves in the mirror....or when I was around the dreadful Castro Clones in the 80s...

My point...gays are as varied as anyone else...so when a particular scene is making you feel like that...change the channel...

[Insertnamehere]

I've heard horror stories about apps.

Drop those.

That about as much as I can give you given my non-existent experience

[JCasey]

Yes, but my original point was about gay guys in real life.

[Meebs]

Yes, but my original point was about gay guys in real life.

Was just trying to help. Deleted my original post

[JCasey]

Was just trying to help. Deleted my original post

I didn't mean to invalidate your response. I agree entirely.

[CellarDweller]

think of things you like to do, search it on Google, and put gay in front of it.

I found the bowling league i'm on by searching "gay bowling NJ". You may find a group of great people.

[Anocxu]

think of things you like to do, search it on Google, and put gay in front of it.

I found the bowling league i'm on by searching "gay bowling NJ". You may find a group of great people.

*Google searching "Gay Nude Baby oil Twister Tournament*