Fall out with best friend > Was I wrong?

[hasher22]

Hey guys,

I had a fall out with my best friend about one month ago. What happened?

About one month ago, I was raped in the park after meeting this guy a 3rd time. I am not going into detail but the first person I tried calling about it was my best friend at the time, the conversation went like this through SMS:

Calling: No one picked up
SMS around midnight;
Me: Are you up?
Him: Yes
Me: Something very bad happened and I don't know who to talk to
Him: What happened?
Me: I was raped.....
No message back

I couldn't sleep that night and what ticked me off is that I didn't get a message back. Around 9am that day, I sent a very angry text to him, venting my feelings and how something so tragic not to get a message back. He replied "what am I meant to say?"....

That's the last message I ever heard from him.

A few days later, I tried calling, I messaged him saying that I want to meet and stuff.... nothing. Even until to this day, nothing.

Anyways putting that story to the side;
I made him a custom present that was meant for him on 15th September on his birthday but it wasn't built on time, I just got the custom present 2 days ago. Sent from America to Australia. Took a good few months to make, and it cost me over $500 to make. The thing is, it's all custom to him, name, colours, nicknames and stuff. I cannot give it to anyone else and I don't feel like destroying it!

Since I never heard from him after that message, how can I give the present to him? A few suggestions from friends;
1 - Just a few days before Christmas, drop it to his work reception
2 - Drop it at his door step at home
3 - Give him a call a few days before Christmas, if he picks up, ask to hang out and then give it to him

Thanks

[Anocxu]

Personally. .
I would still give the present. .
I would send a text right before I put it on his door step.
Or I'd mail it..
I wouldn't expect a response either..
I'd consider it a thank you and goodbye present...

BUT...
There are giant gaping holes in your story...!?

How could he have made the top of your list as friends if he avoids you?
~>Something went wrong along the way...

Now.. I don't know you very well.. but I'll say this..
Meeting a stranger in a park is risky..
Do a safari or Google search on the amount of crimes that occur in parks... its shocking..

Anyway. .
About your bestie..

It seems that friendship has been over and you're just finding out ..

Confused as to why you haven't asked him flat out ..
"Why are you upset with me?"

Regarding the rape..
Has your friend ever talked to you about safety?

Too many holes in your story..

[hasher22]

Thanks for the reply.

Too many holes? Maybe I wasn't explaining myself correctly through text.

> He only started ignoring me after I sent him a text stating I was abused
> The stranger that I met, I've met him twice before hand and he seemed normal. I didn't meet him at a park. I picked up him from his house, went to dinner and went for a walk afterwards.
> Yes, a few days later when he started ignoring me and the incident happened, I did try to call and messaged him if I did something wrong to upset him? But no reply....

But after more than 2 years of really close bonding, I would stay at his, he would stay at mine, we would meet up with his fam for Christmas and he would see mine. Etc etc, all the laadeedaa best friends stuff, all of a sudden he ignores me. We were never intimate, we always share stories on dating, past relationships, and stuff.

Anyways...... I'm not angry, just really disappointed and dumbfounded.

I think I'll just drop off his present at his door and either call or text him stating the present is there.

[meridannight]

OK, well.....your mistake was telling him about it over a text message. text messages are not a suitable medium to convey dramatic personal information such as actual rape. if a guy sent me such a message i'd be half-inclined to think it was some sort of bad joke. it would be difficult to take it seriously.

this was an offhanded introduction of the subject and it leaves an impression that it's not altogether such a big deal. if it was a serious issue, one wouldn't say it over the phone, but would have a conversation in person. if you can start to talk about it so soon after the fact over a text.... the nature of the information and the means through which he was exposed to it are in contradiction with each other. no wonder he doesn't know what to make of it (although, on his side he could have asked if you were being serious, or clarified it).

give him some time and space for now, and let it fade out. then have a face-to-face with him.

[Beaux]

I would write him off as a twat.
~Beaux

[Justme]

I'm gonna second what meridannight said. That's definitely not a conversation to be had over texting.

And there is a possibility that your friend may have been raped before and he hasn't dealt with it. If he just started ignoring you once you told him that, it could've brought up some past trauma he wanted to forget and he doesn't know how to respond.

Either that, or this has been a one-sided friendship from the beginning. You may be more his friend than he is yours. It happens more often than one would think.

If I were you, I'd deliver the gift with a note saying: thanks for NOT being there for me when I needed you! Enjoy!
And I'd leave it at that.

[Cridders88]

Even if I wasn't really sure what to say I would definitely have responded to something like that! Especially if it was apparently such a close friend. I would've spoken to him in person about it though, not text him. But his complete lack of response is not on at all.

[kindy64]

Sorry that happened to you, did you go to the police?

Many people don't know how to react to such news.

[jimcrackcorn]

First off,, let me say how sorry I am that you were raped by some lowlife who doesn't deserve to be breathing air...

Now,,

Here are a couple factors that may be playing out in your friends mind.

1. Your friend has a secret crush on you and when he learned that you got into trouble while fooling around with someone else,,, he was too angry to text you back. And evidently, is still angry.

2. He is slut-shaming-you because he thinks you are too promiscuous, and not cautious enough.

Normal friends don't react like your friend did. Which suggest there is something else going on to cause him to act this way.

Go talk to him, find out what's really bothering him, and why he didn't respond to your text.

Sincerely,
Jim

[hasher22]

Thankyou guys for your replies;

meridannight: I fully agree with you here, at the time, I did try call him after the incident happened but he didn't pick up. I kinda knew he wouldn't pick up, cause he never picks up his phone. So I texted him, and he responded. That's how I got in touch with him. It was around midnight, I didn't want to go to his house, wake up his parents.

Beaux: There are two sides of the story, I know I'm not perfect but I don't hate him. But yes that was a "twatty" thing to do? I'm just dumbfounded and disappointed that this happened. All I can do now is wait, see how things go and if he does end up back in my life, I just know not to go to him for moral support.

Cridders88: I agree, yes texting him was a crappy, stupid, possibly meaningless thing to do. But it was the only way to reach out to him at that time, as I tried calling him. Which leads me back to meridannight reply.

kindy64: That night, no. The following day, yes. I was there for 2+ hours. The address he gave me was fake, as the previous 2 times I picked him up from that address, he was standing outside. The police checked the surrounding houses and apparently nothing...... The number he has given me has been "disconnected" which means he cancelled the number......

jimcrackcorn: Thankyou for your reply Jim. I tried my best to contact him a week after the incident, stating if he's ok, what's new, if we can meet etc. I am the one that turned around and asked if HE IS ok. It wasn't about me anymore......

Overall, I am trying to forget what happened to me that night as anyone would.

But my concern is my mental health, my relationship with my ex-bestfriend. Again, I am not angry at all, just dumbfounded and confused why all of a sudden he would ignore me. After many attempts to re-conciliate our friendship, no reply. I don't know his side of the story, but at the end of the day, I hope he's ok and well.

My problem is the custom present, what do I do with it? As per previous suggestions, best thing to do is drop it off to his front door, try call him, if no answer, just text him the gift is there for Christmas.

Thanks for the replies guys, you're all amazing and I am happy to see such a online community trying to help each other out.